Newbie hello...

[CrazyCatLadi]

Hi, I'm new here and joined looking for support from others who understand what it's like. I've been an anxious person since I was a teenager however I didn't really think much about it, I just thought I was a bit weird. I always managed to push through, sometimes it was difficult and other times not so much. But about 2 years ago I became really ill and couldn't work anymore. At some point this illness triggered my anxiety to get a lot worse. I developed agoraphobia, my OCD got worse and I developed mild depression. I barely left the house for 6 months and I've tried for 2 years to fix myself. I am able to leave the house more now, but some days are bad and I can't. I kind of go up and down. I decided I needed help so I have recently started treatment with an online therapist. I spoke to my doctor about it once and she made me feel very stupid, she prescribed me acid blocking medication for my indigestion and told me to come back if the anxiety doesn't go away. I haven't gone back.

I'm hoping to find some friends and connect with similar people. I moved away from all my friends and family just before I got sick. So I have zero support, and being a single mum it's been very difficult. I feel terrible that my anxiety is affecting my daughter. She misses out on so much because of me. I can't even take her to swimming lessons, which I disappointed her once again as she wants to go. There's so many places she asks me to take her like festivals, events and even the markets, but I can't do it! Shopping is something I don't do often either, I order online mostly.

Anyway I hope to 'meet' some good people here and maybe over come some of my fears to get out of the house and go to some places I have been wanting to go to for a while 🙂

[check-in_chick]

Hi CrazyCatLadi,

welcome to the BB forums and hopefully a new place of connection for you. You said you haven't been back to a GP since you received some less than helpful treatment. I'm sorry that was your experience. I can imagine the thought of finding a new doctor and building a trusting relationship where you can talk about your challenges is terrifying. The illness itself is stopping you from seaking treatment. Hopefully your online therapist can help you learn some useful skills to help you connect again with people.

In the meantime and I know it sounds too basic to be helpful, but exercise, good nutrition and good sleep will give your body and mind the strength and energy to face the challenges ahead.

Keep in touch, there are lots of people here who have had similar experiences and are challenged by similar things to you and sometimes knowing you are not alone in this can be a powerful thing.

Ros

[geoff]

hello CCL, sorry but I didn't want to call you by the name you have gone by, because no one is crazy.
I really hope that you can feel comfortable talking with us, because we are struggling with our own type of depression, for me I have OCD plus depression for a long time, but with OCD I've had it for 56 years which is caused by anxiety, and with this you could have any type of phobia, which is what you have mentioned.
Having treatment online with a therapist can have it's ups and downs, and I'm sure that they will offer many different solutions, but there is one problem doing it this way and that's it's very easy to not to disclose important information to them which maybe vital in your recovery, but then it's better than nothing.
I wouldn't think that you need to be a doctor to believe acid blocking medication would have any effect on your anxiety and for her to expect you to believe this is beyond me, all that is going to do is stop any reflux, sure if you do have heartburn or GERD it will stop that, but that's it.
No one is able to 'fix themselves' what they think they do is to help with them with the superficial issues, but these aren't what is causing you the trouble.
Sometimes it takes that extra little step to get the help you need, OK I can hear you say 'I can't do this, I'm not able to', maybe not, but when you start brewing over it then you won't do it, it has to done almost suddendly, so say to your daughter 'let's go', straight away, but think about what your daughter wants to do rather than what you are afraid of doing, focus all your attention on your daughter, it won't happen all at once, it will take some time.
If you take her swimming tell her that you can go for 5 or 10 minutes only, it has to be done in a slow way.
Could you google 'desensitization' as this is a way to help you with your agoraphobia, it helps you to overcome a phobia and is often used.
This has only addressed your phobia but not your OCD which I would love to talk about, so please get back to us. Geoff. x

[CrazyCatLadi]

Thanks for the helpful post Geoff. I agree that there will be limits with an online therapist, and I only get email replies from her once a week alone with a program I'm completing. But it's the first step for me as I've been wanting to get help for a long time but I keep putting it off.

Desensitization is exactly what I need. It seems to work for me. I've managed to go into large shops alone most of the time now, sometimes I have trouble, but before I couldn't go at all. I still can't take my daughter to large shops as it takes longer to get out if I need to leave fast when she's with me. But I have recently taken her to a local cafe to order takeaway coffee, which is a small step, but a positive step. I find the further I go into a shop the more I feel panicy, like Kmart or Big W, walking further and further from the exit triggers anxiety. So small shops are better.

My OCD isn't something I usually talk about because I feel like it's silly. But I check things, over and over. I have noticed it's worse the more anxious I am. Most of the checking happens before going out and before bed. Before going to bed is the worse, I can spend 30-40mins checking on my worst days. And I know it's not logical, that's what frustrating.

Swimming lessons seem very far off at the moment, for some reason it's a big fear. I think because they go for 30 minutes and I can't get out fast, I'm stuck there for the full 30 mins as parents have to stay on the side close by.

[blondguy]

Hello CrazyCatLady

Good on you for posting and welcome

You are in the right place for sure. Ive had acute anxiety for 13 years followed by depression. My symptoms were identical to yours too. In the 1980's my council sent out a mental health worker as I was really stuck. This guy was a psychiatric nurse who was a gem of a counsellor. (and free) He had me crying and venting and insisted I see him every week for six months to assist me in desensitize...it worked...well.

Just what worked with me...was;

• the more regular the therapy the quicker the healing process
• anti-anxiety meds (small dosage) as a crutch (in my case)
• avoiding any negative or overly critical people....they can impede recovery
• avoid any cellphones or laptops 30 mins before bed. They only over stimulate brain activity and a mind that is already 'tired' when quality sleep is needed to assist recovery

Weekly online counseling is okay, its better than nothing, but face to face lets the therapist make eye contact so we cant hide our emotions when asked questions that we may find uncomfortable (that may help us heal)

I also visit smaller stores instead of the majors, there is nothing wrong with feeling comfortable 🙂

Great to meet you. Is your screen name the CatLady in the Simpsons? (if not please ignore) 🙂

There are many very kind people that have these awful symptoms of anxiety. It would be great if you could stick around

my kind thoughts for you (I hope you have some peace soon)

Paul

[GeminiGirl]

Just saying hello in here is a huge step.

Welcome. I'm a crazy dog and cat lady. Animals are wonderful companions aren't they.

I wish you well with what you're going through.

Keep posting. There are a lot of very kind and informative people in here.

Bev

[CrazyCatLadi]

blondguy said:

Great to meet you. Is your screen name the CatLady in the Simpsons? (if not please ignore) 🙂

There are many very kind people that have these awful symptoms of anxiety. It would be great if you could stick around

Yes that's where I got the name from. I don't think I'm actually crazy, but I love cats and couldn't live without them.

It helps to know there are other people who understand personally what I'm going through. As I haven't told any of my family, so it helps to talk to someone.

[CrazyCatLadi]

GeminiGirl said:

Just saying hello in here is a huge step.

Welcome. I'm a crazy dog and cat lady. Animals are wonderful companions aren't they.

I wish you well with what you're going through.

Keep posting. There are a lot of very kind and informative people in here.

Bev

Thanks, and yes having animals around helps me a lot 🙂

[blondguy]

Hey Bev

Thank goodness I read that one the right way about your screen name (phew)

Its a treat to speak to a 'believer' of the Simpsons. My ex calls me 'Domer' lol

It can be really hard telling family, I hear you there. My family (parents, siblings) were okay when I told them a few years ago. Its still a hurdle though Bev, I hear you loud and clear

I'm still learning. My postie asked me "why have you been at home for months" ? I was that tired of the stickybeaks I replied "I have clinically diagnosed depression and was just made redundant" 🙂

I still cant believe I told my postie lol...or more like 'Doh'

Really good to have you here Bev.

Paulx

[GeminiGirl]

Paul, you're funny...................I like that a lot. 😄

My family knew that there was something wrong with me so when I was diagnosed with depression/anxiety/PTSD as well as physical health issues, they were all great. They don't fully understand it but that's a good thing in my opinion, because they haven't had to go through it. Only people like us, understand what it's like.

Good on you for telling the postie. The more people you tell (when/if) they ask, the better. It brings it out into the open and makes you feel less like you're hiding or ashamed.

Keep up the humour, we need it.

xx