Newbie - Finally took the plunge and joined BB

[AzureFox21]

Hi,

I'm not sure where to start exactly! i have been putting this off for awhile.

im 32 years old. i have been dealing with anxiety, panic attacks and depression for years but only sought medical help and medication a year ago. Even with the medication i am not coping all that well - one day i will be so happy and the next i can come crashing down, other days i'm just lost. When i have a bad panic attack i cannot stop crying, i start shaking so badly and breathing becomes really hard. Sometimes i get bad thoughts popping into my head out of no-where??!! I would never act on them but they scare me and im scared to tell anyone close about them.

I think my job is making me worse, its physically demanding, short on staff all the time and they expect you to work harder to make up for it. always overtime overtime overtime. the over all mentality is if your sick - work thru it. the stress is thru the roof. I wake up tired and in pain every day just to work and return home tired, stressed and in pain. Repeat the next day.

I have tried looking for other jobs but i cant even get an interview. a job agency finally contacted me and said they would find me a job but only if i signed up to do an online uni diploma for business . I got excited - signed up and that was the last i heard from them. Then the online uni screwed me over and now (long story short) i have a $20,000 vet- help bill and no diploma and no new job. i had a huge break down after that and used up all my sick leave and work is angry with me.

I have just signed up with a place that helps people with depression get jobs and hope they can help me because i feel like i am going to lose it soon and walk out - but i cant afford to do that.

[blondguy]

Hello AzureFox21

A very warm welcome to the BB Forums

My name is Paul and have had severe anxiety for many years and now depression. I understand where you are coming from with the dreadful symptoms and stress where a demanding workplace is concerned. You are in a dark place right now and I have just been through exactly the same except I was made redundant in Jan. I am sorry about your $20K vet-help bill, and no diploma and job...I would be having the same re-action as you.

If I may ask.....do you have a Gp/therapist? They can be a great relief especially with the workplace issues that you have to contend with at the moment. The mentality of many businesses nowadays is to be a hero and work through 'it'. As you are aware this mentality from management is of no help.

You are very much in touch with your emotions and feelings Azure, and kudos to you for signing up with a group that can help you obtain employment whilst having depression! I am currently out of work and I wish I knew the name of the group you have signed up with! (I understand we cannot place links on the forums)

At this moment Azure...do have any appointment(s) with your Gp or counselor?

I understand fully that you have to stay at your job...as most of us do. There are many wonderful people here on the forums that can help you. I do hope you can post back!

You have great courage to post Azure....Please try to hang in there.....

Kind Thoughts

Paul

[geoff]

hi Azure, thanks for joining the site, and what you have said it that your job is too stressful and unfortunately you have been fleeced to the tune of $20,000, boy I hate it when that happens, so once again this puts you behind the 'ape-ball', but how much this irrates me is unquestionable.
This job agency must be reported, however it still leaves you with a bad debt, and can I first of all ask if you are still with your current job or is this place able to give you another one.
These bad thoughts that keep recurring maybe what you find to be so awful, but you maybe able to talk to someone like a psych, and let's say that you still with the job you have mentioned, then the doctor should be able to give you time off with pay, and for them to pay for any psychological sessions you need, so I wou;ld realyy like to hear back from you, as to what situation you are in. Geoff.

[AzureFox21]

Hi Paul,

Thank you for your kind words. I do have a GP that i see but she is hard to see as she only works two days a week and is booked out half the time. But the last panic attack i had - i couldn't see her and went to another doctor. He was good and picked up on a lot of things about me and offered to try hypnosis on me. Unfortunately it is expensive and he booked out for the next month but i am going to try and save up and give it a go.

Its really starting to affect my job and my relationship with friends. i was so excited to have friends over the other day , but when they arrived i all of a sudden clamped up and went "numb" , had trouble with conversations. i have no idea why it happened.....

Sorry to hear you lost your job. Can i post the name of the place and not the link? or private message? it might be helpful to you.

[AzureFox21]

Hi Geoff,

After a lot of nerve wracking thinking i politely told them i would be contacting the qld ombudsman and that seems to have gotten their attention and they are reviewing.

I am still in the same job, i cant afford to quit as i have a mortgage . i have signed up with this place in the hope they can help me get a new job, but have yet to receive a phone call from them. i might have to call them myself.

i can see my work fighting not to give me paid time off or paying for sessions and it would just make me feel guilty & worse. last year i collapsed at work sick and they put me alone in the lunch room waiting for my husband to pick me up (no first aid). i was rushed from the doctors to the hospital with appendicitis. i tried to call my boss from the hospital several times to tell him what had happened but he didn't answer his phone. so i texted him.......and i got in TROUBLE for that. Then i got harassed as to when i would be coming back to work . i felt so guilty i was sick.

My supervisor is great and approves of me looking for another job ( she tries to help me as much as she can but the big bosses ultimately make the decisions) and has offered to be my reference, its just a case of getting some help and job searching on my own isn't getting me anywhere.

I do have a GP but she is hard to see. I am looking a hypnotherapy but there is a waiting list. Im really hoping that will get me somewhere.

sorry i might be babbling a bit, just good to get a bit out.

Thank you for listening

[blondguy]

Hi Azure

Thankyou for posting back! I noticed that you 'clamped up' and had difficulty with conversation.....same with me when I am very stresses or overwhelmed or anxious. The adrenaline flows too hard and with a 'tired' mind usually the concentration goes out the window. Very common but can be a dreadful feeling when it happens Azure.

Because the BB Community appreciates information or tips that can help others I dont see a problem with just having the name of the group that helps people with Depression obtain employment and thankyou very much! It would be very helpful to me. The Forums dont have private message capability but if you could let me know

Well done to you too for chasing a GP after that recent anxiety attack. (and looking at hypnotism) Every visit you make to a GP or a healthcare professional with enable you to have a better understanding of the anxiety/depression which help you heal 🙂

You have a really pro-active attitude in getting better Azure, great to chat with you.

Kind Thoughts for you

Paul

[AzureFox21]

Hi Paul,

The name of the group is Ostara. they are very lovely and helpful and i am booked into to see them this week.

Hope this helps you out!

[topsy_]

Hi Azure,

I was interested to read about the agency that persuaded you to sign up for the Uni course. Did they tell you that you had a cooling off period?

There has been a lot on the national news about these agencies that were funded by the Commonwealth Government to help people into study courses. Some shonky ones have only been interested in signing people up so they can get their cut of the course fee.

It seems they cold call people & persuade them to sign up. This happened to my daughter - they persuaded her to do a double degree. I wouldn't let this go if you can help it. Speak to your Ombudsman or Federal member - or if that is too intimidating, write or email. There's no way you should have that debt.

When I was reading your initial post you very succinctly described my youngest daughter. She has had all those symptoms. She was diagnosed with OCD & anxiety. She has those thoughts that pop into her head too from time to time. She is on medication & has been seeing a psychiatrist & a psychologist for a few years now. She has learnt so many strategies to help herself. I can't tell you how proud of her I am for facing her problems & working so hard on them.

Im wishing you all the best. You deserve nothing less than the best. Take care, Lyn.