New, unmotivated and incredibly lost

[Hellohello]

Hi everyone!

I've been viewing this website for so many years and have wanted to express how I felt..and perhaps get some advice too. But I always chicken out; only because I know there are other people who have a worse situation than I do and I feel horrible even telling people about it thinking it might sound stupid. But at this point I feel like I'm giving up and just really needed someone to talk to.

I'm a 21 year old Asian and currently in my 4th year of uni. I was meant to graduate last year but failed too many units due to my anxiety and low motivation. I had anxiety for a long time now, since I was in year 6 but didn't get properly diagnosed until I was in my second year of uni. I was also diagnosed with CAPD last year but failed to get any therapy for it because I couldn't afford it.

But yeah, during second year and half way through third year I started getting several panic attacks and it was so bad to the point that I even missed a couple of assessed presentations. I also had difficulty in trying to stay focused and kept procrastinating, I felt so unmotivated to study. The anxiety and me being very unmotivated was why I haven't been doing so well in my studies. And I feel like im not getting any better. I don't get panic attacks anymore. Maybe because I was working so much that my social skills have gotten a bit better, but even then I was having mental break downs thinking I couldn't last another month or two paying rent & bills.

But now I just feel numb. I don't feel happy, angry or sad...I don't feel anything. I don't care about anything anymore nor do I care that I failed my units even though I should. I don't see a future at all and feel absolutely lost and hopeless at what I should do with my life. My parents and friends keep asking me what I'm going to do once I graduate (if I do graduate that is) but I really don't know.

My parents arent aware that I have anxiety or CAPD and it feels like a burden to even tell them. Can't exactly explain it to them either because of a language barrier. My Chinese is so bad now I don't even know to explain what it is to them. My friends know that I have anxiety though, but it's so hard to tell them what Im going through now. One of them once told me that "no one can help you but yourself". And I guess it's somewhat true? It just stops me from saying anything.

so yeah, don't know what I'm doing!! Sorry for rambling and also for my poor English. You'd wonder why I failed so many units haha

[MickeyM]

Hello, hellohello

Welcome!

I was the same, visiting the forums before I started posting-good on you for reaching out and doing your own bit of self-discovery!

Wow, sounds like youve got a heap on stuff going on right now.

Is there anyone at Uni you can talk to, a counselor or someone to help?

Mickey

[Croix]

Dear Hellohelloo~
The first thing I want to do is make you feel welcome and comfortable here in the Support Forum. It is called support because that is what we all do here – support each other. Those with experience help those starting down the same path.

There is no competition as to who has the worse life. If you are here you are welcome to and entitled to all the help we can give – don’t forget it is a help to us too, as giving is a necessary human need.

The second thing is to look at that quote “no one can help you but yourself” –um. Only partly true as best and here cited out of context. Getting better does take work, true. Going to psych sessions, practicing a healthy lifestyle, making intelligent decisions does need a person’s participation.

It does not mean you do it alone, for most that simply does not work. I’ve had anxiety plus a couple of other things for many years and never started to improve – in fact things got worse, until I had professional and personal support.

I too felt removed from life and did not seem to care. This spiraled down to a very dark place.

I’m afraid I don’t know anything about CAPD, is that a hearing processing disorder?

If it was me –and I know it is not – I’d think about doing the following:

Firstly get competent ongoing medical help (I’m aware of your financial situation, some students have reciprocal medical arrangements with other countries, others may have family).

Secondly, As MickyM suggests be in contact with the confidential Uni Disability service and outline the problem. Seek help on deadlines and academic penalties (you may have done this already).

Thirdly try to find someone who can support you, will understand and want to help. I’d consider you parents, even though there may be a language problem. Most parents will go to great lengths to ensure the wellbeing of their children, simply from love.

Fourthly try to improve you own life, partly by learning how to cope with the symptoms of your anxiety, and partly in promoting healthy sleep, exercise and all the things to give you a good base in life.

I’ve no doubt you have read a lot in the Forum, have you seen Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY? A pretty good thread.

Our 24/7 Help Line is always available for a talk, the professionals there are very knowledgeable and caring.

I’ve probably said enough for now, please feel free to post again and say more

Croix