New to this!

[Mad1]

Hi I'm new to this, I'm 15 and a girl.

So When i I started high school i made this new friend who seemed to be quite nice but turns out she wasn't and we would always be getting into fights and it was extremely stressful for me especially because I had never been in a situation where I was fighting with friends. Then it got super bad where i wasn't wanting to go to school and didn't want to see this girl. One day my parents had enough and rang up the school and we had a meeting with out year level coordinators. I switched class with my other friend to make a new start, which turned out pretty well except for the fact that whenever I passed her or her family they would always stare at me or make nasty faces and giggle. This girl has still been bothering me for the past 3-4 years.

Then I moved up to year 8 and i was feeling quite good I had my best friend in my class and i had 2 friends from primary school and I had also managed to recruit 3 new friends I was feeling on top of the world. Then I started to become slightly over weight and and I didn't like it i started being a lot more private i would always wear baggy clothes and i still do to this day I will wear all black and hoodies just to cover up my fat, whilst these others girls my age would be walking around with perfect figures wearing half cut tops. I am becoming more and more insecure. Then one day I put on my school dress and I could hear and feel the fabric slightly rip around my stomach and I was so disappointed in my self because I had always been the skinny tall girl and my parents and grandparents would always make small comments about how they were jealous of me being so skinny and it had just felt like i had let them down some way.

Then I went into year nine and i had recruited 2 new friends once again I was so happy because i was thinking to my self I actually have so many friends I have never known this feeling. I was still expanding weight wise. Then it was announced that there was a global pandemic which did not help me at all when we went into isolation i was failing school not handing tasks in it was horrible and worst of all my friends and i were getting into so many fights it wasn't good.

Year ten starts (2021) and I honestly don't know how i feel anymore. The past 3 weeks i have been feeling extremely emotional and fidgety so just before i took a depression test and i got the result high i read the description and it was so intense that i couldn't hold back my tears.

so here i am

[Sophie_M]

Hey M@ad1, thank you for joining us tonight on the Beyond Blue forums. 

We're so sorry to hear about what you've been going through. We can hear that you've been feeling negative about yourself and are having trouble communicating with friends. We can imagine this would be a lot to manage, especially, given the additional stress of restrictions and now having to return to school. Please know that you've come to safe, non-judgemental space to talk things through and our community is here to offer as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

If you feel it may be helpful, you are always welcome to get in touch with Kids Help Line. They are a confidential and anonymous, telephone and online counselling service specifically for young people aged 25 and under. We’d also welcome you to reach out to our Support Service, which is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 3pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport.

It's a really good first step reaching out here. Hopefully, a few of our members will be by to welcome you over the next few days. 

 

[therising]

Hi M@ad1

I feel for you so much. 15 is a seriously tough stage in life. While I'm 'Mum' to a 15yo guy and 18yo gal, I can still remember what 15 was like for me, to some degree. It was an age where I was trying to find my own identity in this world, a world which can be a brutal place at times in the way it messes with our head. Even though I didn't feel the impact of depression 'til I was around 20, I'd say the lead into it started around 15 or 16.

I'm wondering if you can relate to the destructive mantras that deeply challenged me at times throughout my depression, 'Am I acceptable?' and 'What's wrong with me?' (if I don't feel acceptable). They can be torturous questions to deal with, especially alone without constructive guidance. Guidance is so important when it comes to constructively analysing those questions.

The 'weight' or size factor is such a major factor in society. Looked at constructively, it is nothing more than an indicator of how we're vibing on a biological and energetic level and sometimes a psychological level. I'll put all 3 into a scenario, so you can see where I'm coming from:

If I'm an emotional eater (I eat to feel happy or at peace), this would be psychological. If I ingest energy (the energy in food) without expending the right amounts, that excess energy gets stored in my body and appears as weight gain. If it's not a good form of energy (junk food), that's going to impact me biologically on a number of levels. The study of 'Mood and Food' for example points to mental health being linked to gut imbalances. Yes, we're extremely complex creatures. The cycle can begin to repeat. The excess weight brings me down, so I eat more to feel happier. More energy and more imbalances. The cycle goes around until it's broken. Of course there can be biological factors alone which can lead to weight gain and fatigue, such as hormonal etc. This is something always worth looking into, especially if there appears to be no obvious reason for the weight gain. By the way, from experience, a brilliant dietician can make a world of difference when it comes to reforming our self and better understanding how we tick on a number of levels. Maybe something worth considering.

COVID has been so destructive in so many ways. It broke down a lot of the structure in life we've come to rely on, for managing. With not a lot of focus and guidance regarding 'rebuilding', we must consciously seek out those who can show us how to reform our self and our life.

🙂

[Rishie]

Hi M@ad,
Welcome to the forums, you'll find some really helpful and kind people here.

I remember how difficult high school was for those who were different in some way. I felt very isolated from the other girls I knew, they seemed to have their groups and, though they talked to me, sometimes, I didn't really feel part of the group.
I hope you can meet some friends who will accept you the way you are and genuinely want to be your friend.

[quirkywords]

M@ad

Thanks for your very honest story spanning a few years og high school.

I changed school in year 8 and one of the reasons was the small friendship group told me to leave it as they no longer wanted me in group.

As others have written it can be tough . I am glad you have reached out.

Also you write well and others reading but not posting will know they are not alone as they will share some of your experiences.

If you feel up to it, keep posting.