hi Mark, I'm so pleased to hear from you, because it's such an enormous effort to stop all the 'clubbing, partying and a ridiculous amount of drugs' that seemed to keep you occupied, but this wouldn't have been a true existence but rather a false one.
Something inside you suddenly made you want to give up, and that's terrific for you, but it's left an empty hole, one which you might have had before you started taking the drugs, the same happens when people start drinking alcohol, and whether we call it filling a sad, lost life or whether we want to say it's trying to make us numb, the end result it actually doesn't.
You're been clean for 5 long years wanting to get on with your life, a big decison, because you realised that staying locked into the drugs was getting you no where, a brave, honest and logical decision, however it's left you struggling and for this I'm truly sorry.
Before when you felt as though you were going to have a breakdown, there must have been a build up of feeling lost, being anxious and depression that had already begun, that's what happens before a breakdown, which I've been through myself, and I know it's awful, but slowly you can overcome this.
By saying this sounds as though it's going to be easy, but it's not because it's a battle, but you can do it with as much help as you can from your doctor, psychologist and if it suits you visit AA.
Another way is for you to change your lifestyle, move away if you can afford to, get away from those people who will trigger you about your previous life, because these people are toxic, this may have already happened, but now I would really like to hear back from before I continue, so please do so, Thanks Geoff.
