New to site, need like minded people to help me through.

[dog_doug]

I'm pretty nervous writing anything down about this, but I don't have understanding people in my life at the moment around enough for me to feel confident about any of the choices I am making.

I have depression & anxiety and I have had them since I was 14/15 years of age, only diagnosed this year.
I see a therapist & take medication for this which when I first started helped me a lot.

But now I feel stuck a little without moving forward.

Recently I got out of an abusive relationship and went from a very controlled life to being on my own and I'm not doing very well with self care, I forget to eat a lot (every day I would only eat about 1 meal), and have 0 appetite at all, I have to force myself to stomach anything and the medication I take makes me so nauseous and unwell it makes eating even harder again. I'm also not showering regularly which annoys me to no end as to why I can't get up and in the shower once a day. In my past relationship I had a strict schedule I needed to follow for cooking/cleaning/selfcare which made me miserable BUT I looked after myself/our household, since going out on my own I just feel lazy and worse off health wise. Getting back into a routine makes me terrified for no valid reason.

I have started seeing someone new and they're very caring but don't understand Anxiety or depression fully, and think that this is something I can't have but also be high functioning.

Is that common? Being depressed but also able to make it to work/social events? I get drained so quickly when I'm out which I had always put down to being an introvert but I just end up getting a headache/stomachache or just feel generally unwell.

I'm quiet skinny and underweight, I get comments a lot when we go out for dinner because I can't ever finish a meal, I feel embarrassed to go out these days because it's a waste of money if i'm not going to eat.

I honestly don't know where to start, my health professionals say I need to find a new job to help my stress/anxiety/depression but I honestly don't think any workplace would put up with my mental health and physical health requirements. I need something small I can control, get started with and keep going from there. Small steps.

I just want to not feel alone in this, know there are others in the same situation...

[lexy_r]

Hi Dog&Doug

I can’t offer much advice, but I can say that yes, it is normal to be depressed and able to go to work/social events, I do it myself.

i just wanted to say, that having the courage to write in this forum is a great place to start and you should be proud of yourself. I’ve lurked here for years and made my first post yesterday!

You are doing the right things for yourself by seeking professional help so that is great too

[Fallen_apart]

Hey dog&doug,

Your post reads pretty similar to mine and I was the same in the early days with self care, I'm horrified to admit. Same as zero appetite which I've always had.

I still have to force myself to eat but I now realise how much not eating affected my mood without me realising it so its a bit easier.

I managed to make it to work and wherever I needed to be for almost 20 years with anxiety and depression but it caught up with me eventually. Maybe you can only outrun it for so long, I don't know, but if your meds are a hindrance you should speak to your doctor about it. I've tried heaps and some just made it worse.

Also the same boat with the work situation. It wouldn't be fair on anyone silly enough to hire me at the moment. Not sure if you are crafty in any way or anything but a market stall or eBay type of business might be something you could do with the sort of control you need.

At least rest assured it seems to be a pretty common situation and you're definitely not alone here.

[jess334]

Hi Dog&doug,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for sharing, it can be a very difficult first step to take, so well done.

It sounds like you are having a difficult time at the moment. It's great to hear that you are seeing a health professional and trying to take those small steps.

I have similar difficulties with my anxiety, as do a lot of people on this site, so you are definitely not alone! In fact when I go out to eat I usually order from the kids menu because I never finish an adult sized meal! Anxiety can make it very hard to eat or look after yourself, but it is pretty common to be high level anxious /depressed and still be high functioning.

It can sometimes be difficult for people without any experience of anxiety to understand this.

Please keep posting if and when you need to, there are lots of people on here with helpful suggestions and in similar difficulties.

Jess.