New to reaching out

[elephant91]

Hello,

I am posting here as a first step to discovering what is going on in my head and body. For the past year I have been feeling increasingly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I don't know why. I am not a bad person, I am a teacher and I have close, loving relationships with my family, friends and partner. However I constantly feel ashamed of myself. I hold onto embarrassing moments for months and relive them. I feel constant loathing towards myself to the point where I feel sick. The past week I have been very emotional when alone and this feeling has brought me to tears many times. I have never felt like I was depressed and in the past I attributed this to having poor self esteem. But this feels weird. I feel like I have gone to a dark place and I can't get out.

I'm scared of myself at the moment, I don't want this to get worse. I am unsure what to do. I am reluctant to go to a GP, I don't know what I would say. Can anyone help explain this to me?

[Doolhof]

Hi Elephant91,

Welcome to the community here. It may help for you to have a look at a depression check list which you will find on Google in general, or the Beyond Blue site has one under The Facts section under Anxiety and Depression check list.

As you are aware something is not quite right, you will have the opportunity to learn what it might be, then to work on making changes. When we don't know or second guess, there is little we can do accurately or effectively.

If you do discover you may have some issues with depression, than I would like to encourage you to take the list and show it to your Dr to discuss it.

Depression does not have to mean that life as you know it has ended. There are so many options and ideas out there to help and assist people over come depression and to move on with life.

One issue I have had for decades is a poor memory! I sent one friend 4 birthday cards one year as I kept forgetting I had sent one! I gave my sister a scarf I had made for her birthday then complimented her a month later on her pretty scarf forgetting I had even made it for her!

Instead of being upset and embarrassed I now laugh at these things. It makes me feel a lot better and the other person doesn't feel so awkward either!

Hopefully chatting here will help you with your feelings of poor self esteem, your embarrassment and the possibility you may have mild depression.

Welcome once again, hope you find your time here helpful and beneficial.

Cheers from Dools

[startingnew]

hello and welcome to BB

Well done for reaching out, it can be so hard to do but look at that youve made the first step. i see youve already Met Mrs D so havent much to add to what shes said except youve said you wouldnt know what to say to your gp.

"For the past year I have been feeling increasingly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. I don't know why. I am not a bad person, I am a teacher and I have close, loving relationships with my family, friends and partner. However I constantly feel ashamed of myself. I hold onto embarrassing moments for months and relive them. I feel constant loathing towards myself to the point where I feel sick. The past week I have been very emotional when alone and this feeling has brought me to tears many times. I have never felt like I was depressed and in the past I attributed this to having poor self esteem. But this feels weird. I feel like I have gone to a dark place and I can't get out.
I'm scared of myself at the moment, I don't want this to get worse. I am unsure what to do"

all of that gives a pretty good description, i wonder if perhaps you could write down that section (and add more if you wish) and speak to your gp, or hand them the written note?

again welcome and please know this is a safe and supportive community to talk about anything you need