New to beyondblue

[BOUNCINGBACKCHIP]

Hi all i am new to beyond blue and yes i suffer depression i am slowly finding my space at home getting smaller, would love to connect with people before i wind up in the wardrobe hiding from the world . I am a social person by nature and would hate to lose myself any further  😞 can anyone suggest a good way to connect with others here.

Cheers Chip 🙂

[Jos]

Hi Chip,

I'm relatively new also, I have recovered from depression and don't quite know why I am still drawn to reading posts and sometimes interacting, perhaps it's my way of connecting to people who have gone through similar situations, as when I was suffering I was very much a 'closed book'.

On BB you will find some truly inspirational people who have all experienced depression, along with additional direct support of the BB team if needed.

I have noticed that the posts can sometimes take time to be read and responded to, so hang in there, I'm sure others will also respond.

Is it ok to ask Chip what is making you feel depressed and if perhaps you are also seeking other forms of help?

Jos 🙂 

[BOUNCINGBACKCHIP]

Im not sure atm though i do know i am scared of life confused sad every day and wanting myself back ... i have constant thoughts of not wanting to be here ... was diagnosed with depression about 7 yrs ago though am sure have suffered much longer .... was recently re diagnosed with severe post traumatic ... i feel like im losing my sanity and am on a daily spiral deeper into my home ... it has effected my relationship to the point of guilt and dis pare that i am not a strong man any more when i used to be 😞  ... i have been on meds but they dont seem to help the pain just level the peaks and troughs ... and as im sure you know from experience no one can help. i always think ok greg you can get your head around this but i fail to do so the simplest tasks have become mountains. grrrrr i hate where i am jo's ... congratulations by the way for overcoming this terrible curse :)))) 

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[BOUNCINGBACKCHIP]

and the sadest thing in my life is ... i am pushing all that love me and care away :((( have you ever been there ? its killing me inside out

[Jos]

Yes Chip I have been there, a part of depression, in my case was to totally isolate myself, at the same time feeling total sadness and guilt, amongst many other things.

Has there been an event or trigger which has caused your depression, how long have you felt like this?

I hope you don't mind the questions it may just help to explain a little about where you are now.

Jos

[BOUNCINGBACKCHIP]

Yes jos 3 major events in my life that contributed to where i am mentally today ... child abuse when i was young, a marriage break up  after 19yrs due to a breach in my trust (my partner played up) and about 12 months ago i had a so called friend go nuts on me and rammed his car into mine at high speed trying to kill me (still to this day i have no idea why) both cars were rolled and i was lucky to get out of it alive ... so have been through the wringer mate 😞  ... have lost alot of trust am not working grrrr understandably  i am depressed. 

Just read an article about Narcissists and 'Narcissist Victims ... am starting to see a pattern in my relationship at the moment very similar to the symptoms shown in a Narcissist victims co dependency and the on going emotional symptoms  

though im confused because i have alot of anger and have been very cruel with my emotional outbursts. 

Guess i'll learn and hopefully change whats going on with me , it is why i joined BB 🙂

[Jo3]

Hi Bouncingback Chip

It's great that you have come on here to seek support and advice.  This is an amazing forum full of beautiful people who are suffering, hurting and want to get better and give their time to offer help.

You have been through so much, and you don't need to suffer alone. There is lots of help out there.

Child abuse is the most horrible trauma a child can go through - I know, it happened to me between the ages of 9-12 by 3 different guys.  I blocked it out for 30 yrs and 3 yrs ago it all came out. This has caused me to now suffer from post traumatic stress, depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder.

I sometimes push people away as well and I hide a lot of my depression and BPD to my husband and children.

I think it would be good if you could see your GP and ask for a referral for a mental health plan where you can see a psych to help you.  Not sure if you are seeing anyone at the moment.  But that would be a great start.

I hope you can get some help from us on here, glad to talk anytime

Jo

[Jos]

Hi BB Chip,

i like your new tag....you have gone through a lot, trust issues are, I feel tied up with our emotions, you've had your share of issues there.  Hopefully they are behind you now and from what I gather you have important people in your life, I hope they are supportive of where you are presently.

Do you have a good counsellor that can help guide you, your anger and outbursts maybe a reflection of your own frustration of this affliction, I was the opposite, totally passive, so I can't offer much support there, maybe other BB members can help.

Keep seeking out your 'old self', it's still there, I never believed I would find myself again, but I did, if I did, you can and will to.

All the best - Jos :-))

[BOUNCINGBACKCHIP]

Hi again jos and thank you for sharing with me your time 🙂 , much appreciated. Yes i will not give in i know deep within the cor of me and hidden beneath the depression i still exist , my inner self will not give in , I am far to switched on and valuable to throw myself away 🙂 but hell its hard sometimes . I am looking forward to getting to know a few on here and by example i know we learn from others and in the numbers we see we are not alone , nor the only one on earth that has issues .

Thanks again hey mate and safe travels , may life treat you kindly 🙂

cheers 

chip 

[eljaycee]

Hi there Bouncingback Chip 🙂

Reading your story makes my heart hurt for you.....

My boyfriend has complex PTSD....it's his story, but in a nutshell it started with child abuse (inc. sexual), army time, emergency services work and complicated family issues.

He is in the midst of a shutdown at the moment, when he isolates himself, especially from me.  He says it's to prevent him from lashing out at me, vocally, never physically.

It is very difficult to be on the outside of PTSD, no where near as difficult as what the sufferer goes through, but it is very hard to feel so helpless and shut out.

It is so important that you have reached out here.....I believe people need people who understand....

xx