New to Beyond Blue

[Sweetpea3]

Hi, I just moved to the Newcastle area of NSW after living in Coffs Harbour for 3 years (originally from Syd).  Don't know anybody here, living in Dept Housing unit (stuck inside these 4 walls) and family are in Sydney.  Strained relationships in our family, particularly with my one and only adult daughter who lives in Sydney.  I feel socially isolated, very lonely and miserable, forgotten and lack self esteem.  I've been going to bed at 2 am and sleeping till 10 am as I have nothing to do nor look forward to every day except try to think up things to do ... alone.  I need to reach out to others, but feel like I'm different, not upbeat or the life of the party .. even my family don't have any time for me.  Been here 3 months and only one visit.  They know I have major depression but I am an afterthought to them.  Its very painful.  I've been out of the workforce since my Mum died in 2007 - I was her Carer.  I'm fed up with applying for jobs and getting no response.  Feeling really crappy today and in need of someone to care and really need a hug!!!

[geoff]

dear Sweetpea, I can only give a hug through the computer, but I would be too scared that I would hug you and leave you breathless. lol

Moving away must have been for a reason, so I only hope it was for new environment, or to start a new life, or perhaps too much pain where you were, but to move somewhere else leaves you wide open for low self esteem, because you are now in a new place, trying to make friends, but having no luck.

It's always something that I regret or fear having to move because uprooting my boundaries and that seems to scare me.

By having no friends/people who don't come to visit you think that you are an afterthought, if they do then it's not worth having them as friends, true friends are people who stand by you and stick with you, and who want to help you, especially when you are depressed, unfortunately people like this are so hard to find, and people who contact you just because they want something, aren't true 'friends'.

I do hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

[Sweetpea3]

Thank you Geoff for your your reply!  I moved Sydney to Coffs Harbour for 3 years to get away from the pain of my mother's death, end of a significant relationship, family unsupportive and distant, high financial stress etc.  Just needed to be somewhere quiet and peaceful near the ocean so I could heal.  Didn't find work, struggled again for that 3 years then moved due to being offered a Housing Dept unit in Newcastle.  My family are in Sydney so I can be closer to them (3 hrs by train), more work opportunities and not too busy like Sydney yet not as isolated as Coffs Harbour.   Another reason is to again weaken the ties of an unhealthy relationship with an ex in Coffs.  I guess I just have to keep putting myself out there and talk to people.  I'm on anti-depressants, but till I find a purpose for getting up in the morning and friends to love/love me I still feel very lonely.  To me relationships are more important than anything.  People live in slums in India and other places but are happy because they have a strong community.  I have to somehow improve my self-esteem and learn to love myself ... then others will like me too.

[White_Rose]

Hello Sweetpea

You are correct, you must learn to love yourself, but not so that others will like you. Once you love yourself it will be enough. It's probably true that others will like you. This is because you will have found your hidden strength and self confidence. And you will have less need for others. Though having said that we are all better off when we are connected. You will also be less vulnerable to be being manipulated by others and to manage the painful things said and done to you and everyone else.

As I am writing this to you I am also reminding myself to do the same. It's not selfish to believe in yourself or to look after yourself first. When you are able to cope with life you can then help others. I don't mean this will necessarily stop your depression but it will go a long way to helping you live a happy life.

So go out as much as possible. Walk as much as you can, exercise is great for managing depression. Look around for volunteer work. I know you want a paid job and volunteering can add to your skills and lead to paid work. In any event it is well regarded by CentreLink and can count as work if the volunteer placement is approved.

The best part of volunteering is the contact it gives you with other people and the satisfaction of helping others in some capacity.  Let us know how you are going.

Mary

[Goanna]

hi i read your post and felt like i wanted to respond.  i too live in a housing department place and never get visited and am an afterthought.  i know how it feels to feel lonely and forgotten.  maybe designing some sort of routine might brighten you up (?).  volunteer work is good for the soul.  its how i got my current job.  sending you a hug and hope that things pick up 🙂