New to BB

[Deja_vu87]

Hey all.

I have been battling with depression, anxiety, paranoia and constant tiredness for about 20 years now. I am now 30, married, been with my partner for almost 15yrs, we have a house, pets, a great family and group of friends - so why do I find it hard to be happy??
I am constantly tired, I never want to leave the house yet I hate being alone, then I feel alone when I am surrounded by people. I am moody, irritable, my sex drive is basically none existent and I find myself being engrossed in online gaming when I should be active and enjoying life. I have also used alcohol to either boost my mood (which only makes it worse) or to get me through the day.
Recently my husband and I have been trying to conceive and all I can think of is that it is my fault we haven't yet. We all know how much your brain can effect the rest of your body and this just makes my depression worse.
I need help to try and get my brain back to normal, but after 20yrs, is it really that easy? My childhood wasn't great, so that has been a huge factor. I have tried psychologists, they didn't work. Medication just masked the problems and also made me pretty ill, and given we are trying for a baby, my doctors have advised me not to go on medication.

I guess I don't really know where to start.

[Boo1986]

Hi Deja_Vu,

I would definitely think about seeing a psychologist again. Not all psychologists are equal, and some just don't "get" you. It is worth "shopping around" for one that you feel really understands and has the right skills to help with your particular issues.

Perhaps you should also speak to your husband as the stress of trying to have a child certainly won't be helping. It would be better if you could get your issues under control before having a child to try to nurture and teach. What example will you be showing that child if you are moody and irritable, how will you care for the child if you are constantly tired? You can't be expected to be a good mother if you don't have the energy to look after yourself.

Take care of yourself first, you are only 30 so you still have plenty of time to have kids. Just take it slow and be gentle with yourself and realistic with your expectations of yourself.

Having a hard childhood often means it will take years and lots of hard work to get your mental health under control. Take the time to do this right. If you don't, and rush into having a child before you're ready, you may end up with PND, and can even impact on your child's mental health as some issues may be inherited from you.

Think about your own needs and don't be afraid to assert yourself. If your husband wants to have children, you can reassure him that when the time is right, this will happen. Make sure that you reach out to those you trust, tell them how you are feeling and ask for there help to reconnect and not feel alone.

Medication is not always a good option, but talk it through with your doctor and see what you think. Your doctor should also tell you about many medication-free alternatives. Check that you are eating right and getting adequate sleep. Try to get involved in something social that interests you. If you do want to see friends and find that its hard to leave the house, mention how you are feeling to one or 2 close friends so that they can keep an eye out for you and help you to feel connected to the rest of the group. Take it slow and don't overwhelm yourself.

I hope this helps xoxo