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Wallsie
Community Member

Hi all, not too sure where to begin. Trying to let go these feelings and thoughts that keep entering the ol gray matter, but putting it all out there for all to see is pretty foreign to me and I dare say many others. The one thought that erks me the most is my current relationship, I don't sleep with my partner anymore since she insists the dogs (one being a Great Dane) sleep in the bed with her even after some long discussions and arguments the dogs remain. I can't remember the last time we had sex, plus there is no affection or romance forthcoming from my partner either. I am a FIFO worker and life is pretty tough at the best of times when I am on site but to come home put up with more crap is not on. I actually feel like I am a strange in my own house, like treading on egg shells. Mmmmm, where to go from here, your thoughts would be appreciated. Life is too short people.

W

I am in the seniors bracket in life and like most want a happy peaceful retirement (when it happen, but not yet, still too active).

7 Replies 7

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Wallsie

Welcome to the forums and thankyou for posting too!

It is difficult to hop on here and post....Good on you for having the courage to do so

Just my humble opinion as a dog lover and a 57 year old but the dogs in the bed are just not on. I would find it disrespectful if a partner did that to me. No affection or romance can leave us feeling empty. Please forgive the question Wallsie but what happens when you try to be affectionate or show TLC to your partner?

I have a huge Chow/German Shep Cross and he has the floor and watches TV with me but the bed is off limits

Personally I couldnt live that way as a relationship is meant to be a 2 way street as you know.

I am sorry that you are having to walk on eggshells

There are many kind people that are here for you Wallsie

I hope some of this has helped

My Best

Paul

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Good to meet you Wallsie,

What an annoying situation...no wonder it makes you feel awful ! It is nothing short of invasion of your private space.

Don't get me wrong, as a remedial trainer, my life has totally gone to the dogs. As I work mostly from home, there's always a resident small pack and a few additions in rehab and transit. It has been my choice to live alone. But my bed is MY kennel !!!

I have spent much of my life advocating animal rights, dogs in particular. BUT humans have rights too. The right to intimacy, the right to feel valued and respected. In your household, this "love me, love my dogs" thing seems to be pushed to an unhealthy level. By unhealthy, I don't necessarily mean physically but mentally and emotionally.

A lot of my work has to do with fixing the harm done by the variety of issues we humans project onto our K9s. Surrogate teddy bears, dolls, fashion accessories, ego boosting tools and weapons etc..etc...Most of those going totally against true K9 nature and spirit. Most owners don't see their relationship with their furred companions for what is actually is. They'd rather pretend it is love though it is in reality the satisfaction of a need.

I doubt whether your partner is prepared to see there's something seriously wrong...would she agree to join you in counseling sessions ? How would she react if those were presented as ultimatum ? A professional outsider's opinion would perhaps be more difficult to dismiss than your own objections.

I wish you all the best.

Phoenix75
Community Member

Hi there, I am new to BB and this is my first post 🙂 I am a huge dog lover and I used to have them in the bed with me when I was single. My snuggle buddies. But when I met my partner of 5 years he was not a fan so they are no longer in the bed 🙂 They sleep in the lounge room. We had 4 dogs and lost one last year so we have a childrens safety gate to keep them in the lounge room during the night. I love our dogs but my respect for him outweighs that. As far as the intimacy is concerned sadly we don't have it either I am 42 and he is 56 but due to ill health on both sides the libido is gone. I miss it desperately but we have a good relationship despite it. I keep hoping it will come back. He is very reluctant to even try anymore and it definitely affects my self esteem. My heart goes out to you. It is so hard to know what to do.

i was going to say dumb stuff but star said it all in a really pro manner. awesome & perfect insight if the situation.

all i want to add is that love is bewitchingly powerful and makes you stick it out when you shouldn't

and put up with things very hurtful to you so you won't hurt them. not that i know your life.

i just know that the last 2 years of my main relationship didn't need to happen at all.

it was so against my better judgement i ended up with irritable bowel syndrome for those 2 years.

follow stars advice and good luck.

peace

Wallsie
Community Member

Thanks for that Star, your comments hit home. I too love animals, especially dogs, I used to train them myself and know how the pecking order sits, I have even tried to explain this to my partner but it falls on deaf ears. We even had a K9 trainer come to our home and he insisted that no dogs on the bed, but you guessed it nothing changed.

Emotionally it wears you out and I know it won't get any better, the only saving grace is that I fly back out for work on Wednesday and back to my camp sanctuary for 2 weeks.

You are correct in what you say, my partner doesn't think there is anything wrong with our relationship if she does she doesn't relay that message but all the non verbals all add up. She would definitely not agree to seek any professional help, because to her it's all ok, NOT.

I dare say that I am going to have to bite the bullet and cut my losses and start to make time for me, see my children and brandies and get the ol grey matter back to a healthy state. Thanks again Star, appreciate your thoughts

take care

W

Thanks Rustee, have replied to Star but I have to say that there is a lot of good stuff in dumb stuff, just say what ya feel. I have to agree with you though, love is a bewitchingly powerful drug and that's what keeps you going and hoping for change, but you can only push something or someone to far before it turns on you, then it's time to move on and change and make things happen for he better for each one of us..

Take care and thank you

W

Starwolf
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Thank you for your kind acknowledgment, Wallsie.

I really hope that you can do whatever it takes to have the peaceful retirement and healthy relationship that you so much deserve.

You are right...change doesn't come easy, even when it has become necessary. Mostly because we feel insecure about whatever the future may bring or take away. For this reason, agonizing about making the right decision is more stressful than actually making it.

Take good care of yourself.