New member

[QBEE]

Hi there

I'm new to this community and not usually one for joining these kinds of discussion groups.

I have been treated for major depression for almost 20 years. I have an extensive familial history of mental health issues and have been on antidepressants most of that time. We've recently had a close family member commit suicide due to depression. I'm the only one (thus far) who hasn't required an inpatient admission for treatment from the immediate family. I'm quite high functioning, hold down a professional position in healthcare. Every minute of my day is a conscious effort to keep my head above water and over the last several months the depression and anxiety has been relentless.

I guess I have joined this forum as a way to offload and share experiences and effective treatment modalities that have proved helpful for others in a similar situation. 🙁

[SubduedBlues]

QBEE

Welcome to the forums, and I am truly sorry that you had to go through the loss associated with losing a close family member to suicide.

Suicide impacts each of us in different ways and at different times. Where many people incur the immediate impact of the loss and confusion, some of us take an unspecified amount of time before we even start to deal with the loss. It is not uncommon to wonder "If I had" done this, that or the other, things might be different and that person would still be here. Unfortunately we will never know if any of the if-I-had's would or would not have had any impact on the outcome. So it really doesn't help us to give time to those thoughts. We remember them by joyful events that we experienced with them, and then somehow the memory of their lives becomes more powerful than the memory of their departure; and we are able to be happy that they were once part of our lives. (though not direct family members, I have dealt with suicide of very close and personal friends twice in my life; and from this I can sort of extrapolate to empathize with your situation.)

Feel free and welcome to use this forum as a vent of your frustrations and ill-feelings. Often the act of writing them down and (anonymously) sharing them with others is very therapeutic in our own recovery.

Best wished and keep posting
SB

[Ellu]

Dear QBEE,

Thank you for sharing with us all, we are a very welcoming community and we are here to support you with advice and by just being here to hear your thoughts. I am truly sorry you lost a close family member to suicide. You must feel it very deeply, and your thoughts must be disturbing and distressing. I wish you well.

What a survivor you are! 20 years of major depression, a family history of serious mental health issues and you still manage to function and hold down an important job! You must have an inner strength to you which helps you keep going and going. You mention that the depression and anxiety have really been troubling you lately - is it time for a review of your medication to make sure that it is still adequate? I have had bi-polar disorder since I was 15 (I am 63 now) and in my career I have sometimes experienced the phenomenon of "pooping out" (my doctor's term!) when for no apparent reason a particular medication which has worked well in the past suddenly stops working or "poops out".

Who is looking after your mental health? GP? Psychiatrist? I hope with your history you are seeing a psychiatrist, who can bring some expertise to bear on the question of medication. Maybe a check-up is in order, as you want to get on top of the depression and anxiety before it becomes overwhelming.

QBEE I admire your attitude, and the life you have made for yourself. It is not easy living with mental illness, it is always there in the back of your mind (am I getting depressed? Or am I just overtired?) I am sure there are many stories of struggle in your life, but you have done what few people living with mental illness have been able to do. I look forward to seeing more of your posts,

Ellu

[TheSteve]

Hi QBEE,

Thank you for sharing, and I am very sorry about what you've been through lately and over the past years. I agree that you must have a serious constitution to push through, hold down an important job, and function through it all.

SB and Ellu have given some great advice, which I agree with fully. What I will add is that in addition to the mental/emotional side of it all and the treatment/strategies employed in dealing with this portion, never neglect the physical side either. What I mean by this:

- Get a full physical done, and while doing so, have your GP get you checked for allergens (food, seasonal/pollen, other)

- Get your hormones checked for any imbalances

- Keep a regular exercise schedule, but don't overdo it. Fatigue does not help any of us, but regular exercise improves blood flow, oxygen intake, and general wellbeing

- Eat a brain and heart healthy diet, avoid gluten and foods that create inflammation.

- Practice mindfulness and meditation when possible, try to make it a regular practice and bring about habit

- Laughter is golden, try to spend 30mins per day by yourself (or with others, should you prefer) and take in humorous content so that you can get a good belly laugh session in daily. When walking around in your day to day life, try to wear a small smile as often as you can. Believe me when I say this has real, physical effects.

- Ensure you have a good support group around you as often as you can.

- Sleep and sleep well, if you can do it naturally than all the better

I hope my contribution has a positive effect. These basics have helped me significantly over the years in dealing with periods of depression and anxiety.

All my best to you.

Steve