New member trying to cope

[74_Big_Dazza]

Hey everyone.

Dazza's the name.

I am a long time sufferer of depression and all the wonderful things associated with it.

It was only in the last 6 months I have been diagnosed and medicated for it and I am not seeing a professional to talk about it.

I am a strong person to the point of being unreasonably stubborn and am not a talker and tend to bottle things up, but I am a great listener.

Not many know of my illness as I am usually the life of the party and a "go to" person for friend's and family.

I also work security in a government building where I have to listen to other people's ordeals all day.

Just joining a group like this is a major step forward for me and something that I never even considered. But things are going downhill

I don't want to kill myself. I just feel like I would be better off not being here.

Having to deal.

I am also married with 4 kids which makes it harder.

I honestly can't pinpoint the trigger for this. It seems to be a whole bunch of things buried and forgotten that have been dug up and one by one shoved in my face.

I don't think I am able to talk p2p so this is probably the best avenue I can walk.

At the least, I have made a step to get involved with people like me.

Good people who don't deserve the hand dealt them and just keep playing the game.

Thanks for having me along.

Big Dazza.

[demonblaster]

Hey Dazza welcome 🙂 nice to have you on board

You've made the first step, well done & well said too

Yeah depression (the beast) too much fun isn't it.

I know you said you're not comfy with talking face on, the reason I'm saying futhur on suggesting a psychologist or other professional is because until recently you've been holding up by the sounds, well done, hard as though aye, as you say a combo of things pulling you down which on that note if we can pinpoint specifics & the depression's at the point it's telling you what's pulling you down, if you're able to slowly work through them if not, come to an acceptance that it can't be changed or anything learnt to be able to move forward putting the demons to bed. Easier said than done I know but small achieves makes a big difference this is where professionals can help.
You may prefer to put it in writing & give to your GP to get the ball rolling

I know you bottle it up, imo it works for some if they're able to come to some resolve but otherwise it festers & downs us more. Stress & pain needs an out. Maybe you could say in initial ph call if you go that way you're not comfy talking face on, they'd have many like that and know how to deal. It's your call but as you say, you're here now, that counts for a lot, power to you 🙂

Because you're not suicidal which is great to hear but going downhill as you'd know can avalanche so go for it budz, you're anonymous & there's amazing support here judgement free, well moderated so no grief.

Maybe later on you may feel you could talk to some or one of your mates, they maybe able to support with understanding. Pick your audience though, I talk a lot about BP (Bipolar) for education understanding so far no negatives (to my face anyway 🙂 but heard of a few that have had poor reactions.

Also do you feel the meds are working, sometimes they need tweaking.

Ok hope to see you again here

Tc thanks for opening up 🙂

[Mathy]

Hi Dazza and a big welcome to BB 🙂

It’s great that you’ve chosen to join BB and post here. This is a good first step if you’re not comfortable about taking that step of speaking F2F with a counsellor etc. This is now your thread, you can speak anonymously here, and there will be no judgement. There may be, however, many great replies and the odd laugh, if you’re up for it.

So, when I read your post, and your description of your employment, I wondered whether you felt vulnerable about a depression diagnosis, given the nature of your employment? I can quite understand how you might feel like that. I would like to reinforce the legal fact that your medical/mental health history is confidential.

When you say “I am a strong person to the point of being unreasonably stubborn and am not a talker and tend to bottle things up, but I am a great listener.” - I can very much understand that point of view, and by experience, I can tell you that it’s not the best place to be. However, here, on this thread is a safe place to let some of that stuff out of the bottle 🙂

You’ve made a great step forward posting here, I hope you continue to speak with us, we can help you feel confident enough to be able to speak one on one with a counsellor, or your GP - whatever. I’d really like to be able to help you get to that point, bestest, cheers M 🙂

[Ggrand]

Hi Dazza,

Waves to DB and Mathy, who both has excellent insight, suggestions and advise.

I just read your post, I can relate to a bit of what your going through. I also bottled thing up inside, I had no choice, I had nowhere to pour them out, then I found BB forums, these forums are a great place to unburden yourself, have a rant, let your emotions out, free your mind a little, plus get great advise, coping tool, suggestions from people that care about you.

You know Dazza, imo, I don't think depression is about only one thing, I think it's a bunch of things all joined up together, until they overflow and need releasing, by something we hear, see, do (triggers). Finding what triggered the feelings and getting them under control is hard to do on our own. A phone call as DB suggested is a good thing to do, as my very first psych. consultation was done by phone, which made it easier for a F2F, visit. Worth a try.

I ran into your thread Dazza, I was just cruising around the forums because I couldn't sleep again. You were my pit stop (so to speak).

Hope we can talk again.

Kind thoughts

GG.

[geoff]

hi Dazza, also a big welcome to you and great comments by DB and Mathy and working in a job like you do is the same as being a barman, everyone comes up to you to tell you all about their troubles, so you become an encyclopedia.
You know when I first saw my psychologist, I couldn't open my mouth, all I did was cry, and when I tried to, it was just a jumbling mess, and at that time I didn't know that I should have written down everything on a piece of paper, all I had was a drawing of all my trigger points, which she couldn't understand what it meant.
Can I ask you just one question, it's up to you whether you want to answer it, and I know what you can't do, but this is rather a simple question, a day to day conversation, if anyone of your kids do something that you really like, do you praise them.
Somebody has to be that person or perhaps it could all of us, because we can't see you and we don't know who you are, many people out there have 4 kids and we don't know what State you live in, so you're protected, it's anonymous, and you have been brave enough to contact the site, just imagine you're writing it down on a piece of paper, sorry typing. lol. Geoff.

[Bethie]

Hi Dazza and welcome

It's great seeing you take this first step.

Something I learnt along time ago was to write down what's really worrying you fast without thinking. Sometimes you'd be surpised at how little things pile up untill all sight of the first stress is missed.

My partner is alot like you and tried holding everything together. He fell in a major way. I tease him now and say dam Kiwi male.

It's ok to not be ok if that makes any sense. Please keep coming on here. The people are great with years of personal first hand experience and advice.

It's a safe zone here.

[Chris0274]

Hi big dazza

I am also new to the forum and finding it helpful,

i know u said that your the tough one on the outside, for me personally I struggled quietly for a long time too, but just coming out and telling people was huge for me and really helped, these days people are much more receptive to it and understanding.

all the best mate keep soldiering on

chris

[74_Big_Dazza]

Hey everyone.

I never expected so much so soon. Thanks heaps for the words and offers of support. I really appreciate it 😁

Looks like I have found where I need to be first time out!

I have to go back to the docs in January so I will discuss some options with him and see about getting my meds changed. He's gonna get cranky when he finds out that I'm back on the cigarettes! 😂

Thanks again everyone.

All the best.

Dazza.

[geoff]

hi Dazza, your doctor has to understand that when your med's are working and making you feel much better, then you will be able to quit the cigarettes, at the moment you are using the cigarettes as a choice to try and calm yourself, it's no different than an alcoholic who uses the grog to calm themselves down.
Just explain this to your doctor. Geoff.

[demonblaster]

Thx getting back Dazza hey all

Ditto smokes but Geoffs right its easier giving up when we're stress free or less

Beth yeah kiwi males bit dodgy but females yeah they rock 😉

Few newbies here welcome, great to see such amazing support, awesome community aye

Waving back Grandy & to Maths too

Glad you're feeling happy with here Dazza, talking brings out different experiences & wisdom I'm learning so much more here & rl (real life)

Best for all 👍(especially the kiwis 😄🖐