New member today

[Chris0274]

Hi all, long time sufferer of anxiety depression n panic attacks, in the process now of splitting with wife, who has been my rock, struggling very hard at the moment with heightened anxiety, can’t eat sleep or barely function, suppose I’m just trying to find a friend to talk about this

thanks chris

[Doolhof]

Hi Chris,

I can relate to how you are feeling regarding the motivation, determination, anticipation, and all those positive thoughts, feelings and moods we need to keep us going. All of those things are trying to hide from me at the moment!

Yesterday I pushed myself out the door almost literally to go for a walk. Sometimes we need to do that, give ourselves a shove be self motivated, take actions into our own hands.

Can you try to do one thing each day that will help you feel better about yourself? At the end of each day find three things to be thankful for.

As you have this opportunity of still being with your family, is it possible for you to find ways to spend more time with the children, ask your wife how you can help her around the house, maybe a few small changes might help the outcome to be different.

I don't know your circumstances of course, I just know when my husband gives me even 2 seconds of his time it makes a huge difference to the dynamics in our house!

Challenge yourself to do something special for your wife and children everyday, even if it is just cleaning up after the kids or doing the dishes.

Me, I am going to drag myself out for a walk shortly and will write out some Christmas cards. Later on I will join my husband as he does the grocery shopping and a few errands in town instead of walking around the house in a daze!

Cheers from Dools

[Chris0274]

Thanks dools

i am able to do all those things, it’s never been one of my shortcomings, I’m very involved at home with everything, that was never an issue, just my one betrayal which has been very hard for my wife to get past, weighs heavily, have been trying hard

[BballJ]

Hi Chris0274,

I know finding the motivation to do stuff at this time is very hard but you just have to work up any bit of motivation you can, martial arts could be very beneficial especially considering how much they are about disciple which can really help you and everyone personally. Volunteer work is also good, I would even just visit different threads on the forums and speak to different people, you may find people who are in similar situations as yourself. You do not need any counselling experience, you are simply just talking to people which personally I found helped me heaps.

My best,

Jay

[Ulysses]

Hi chris

i remember how it felt to be going through this, like it was yesterday. It’s amazing how hard it can hit you. Of course there are plenty of places to seek professional help, but you will probably be very glad you came to this forum because the people here are a wonderful comfort. I can’t describe how much they’ve helped me through. I’m sure they will help you also. You will get through this and find light at the end of the tunnel. I remember just last week someone said to me the same thing and crying through tears I said “how come the light at the end of the tunnel is always an incoming b\**>¥ train?” That was just last week. Today The Sun is shining again and there’s no train

[Chris0274]

Thanks jay

yes I will try n get myself around here more, just taking it a step at a time, the worst is yet to come I need to be prepared, I worry it’ll all be too much

[Chris0274]

Thanks Ulysses

to hear your positive outcome is helpful,

i really look forward to that day, I’ll just keep soldiering on for now, hope that I can hang on

[Doolhof]

Hi Chris,

Ah, betrayal, that is a tough one. I am certainly not throwing it in your face, I have been in that situation many times myself where the temptation of betraying has been very strong. It can be difficult to deal for all people involved.

It doesn't just have to be sexual betrayal, it can also relate to finances, emotions, self esteem, recognising another person's worth and so much more.

I hear you when you say you have been trying hard. Sometimes do you feel like you are just slamming your head against a brick wall and getting no where? I get that!

I'm hoping in all of this you do manage to find a sense of peace within, peace for the mistakes of the past, a sense of acceptance for what is happening now, even though you would no doubt love to change everything! Fighting it can wear us down.

If only it was that darn easy hey! Hope you find your strength and helpful thoughts to help you through.

Cheers from Dools

[Chris0274]

Thankyou

definitely the self loathing and guilt is the hardest, the fact that I ruined what was a perfect marriage. I have to accept my actions and allow her to be free of the weight as hard as it has been. Obviously all the thoughts of I shoulda tried harder here or there are all coming up, it’s a case of now that it’s gone I really want it, things I shoulda involved myself in and didn’t I would just love to go back, it’s hard to block those thoughts

[Doolhof]

Hey Chris,

That is a lot of burden to carry around with you. During my first marriage my husband demanded I had an abortion. That event shattered my heart and broke my spirit. For decades I carried around the sorrow, guilt, shame, heartache and pain and everything else that goes with it.

Eventually I have been able to let go a little and learn to live again.

We can not change what has happened in the past. As much as we may hate our actions and are full of regret, we still need to move on or be consumed.

Wish I had the answers for you Chris!

Dools

[Chris0274]

Thankyou for telling me your story dools I appreciate the thought and perspective