Checking in as I’ve been lurking but I need to take some action with my
mental health & look forward to interacting with you all.
A little about me, Im an almost 40, married man with two teenage kids. I
work full-time (at least when anxiety doesn't win) in a middle management position.
I don’t have any hobbies, but I do like tatting around in my shed, spending
time with my family & occasionally going out with friends.
I'm not too sure when my mental health issues began, probably around the
time we moved into our current house which we are buying. At the same time that
my career started developing. Financially we are ok, I don't have any savings,
but the bills are paid on time & we have enough to go on holiday now &
again.
I think that was when I started to feel a bit lost with no real long-term
goals. Short term managed by diving into something new for a short period eg. Holiday
planning, rearranging the shed, veggie garden, gym. These only last a few
months & then I wander until the next thing.
I think my mental health manifests into physical issues at times. 2 years
ago I got pins & needles in my face & after seeing a neuro no cause
could be found. I finally broke down with my GP & was put on a small dose of
anti-depressant for 12 months. I saw a psychiatrist during this time but besides some
insight into my values I didn’t find it very useful.
Having come off the anti-depressant over the last 6 weeks (4 weeks clear) Ive found the
depression aspect is much better, I no longer feel numbness like before. I’m
however facing worse anxiety than I had before that is impacting my work &
to a lesser extent my marriage.
2-3 times a week I wake up feeling ill which only goes away at work, or after
I call in “sick” if I can’t face it. Logically all I need to do is get up &
go but at the time I do not have the strength to push past it. I feel disconnected
between the logical & emotional thoughts, especially in hindsight. My wife
is the type of person that soldiers on during any times of illness. While she
is a loving partner she doesn’t understand that people can’t “get over it” like
she seems to.
Wow, I just wanted to say hi & give a bit of background, I didn’t intend
to write down all of this. Thanks for listening if you have got this far, I
hope that I can return the support!
I see my GP in a week & will see what she recommends. I don’t really
want to go onto anti-depressants again (my transition on was tough) but I need
to deal with my anxiety if I’m to keep my job & sanity!
