Hi Azaira
My heart goes out to you so very much. To lose one person so close is definitely challenging but to lose two is an entire next level challenge. When people say 'Time heals all wounds' and with me having lost my mum (my best friend) about 5 and a half months ago, I've found it's not time that heals such an incredibly deep wound. I believe the healing comes from a lot of hard work in regard to processing our loss or losses. I also believe the people around us and the practices we adopt to help make sense of so much are 2 major keys to unlocking the way forward.
I imagine you've found a time of great loss to also be a time of great questioning. I've found there to be so many questions following the loss of my mum. Some of them
- Why am I suffering so much?
- Why can't I see the best way forward?
- How am I supposed to live without them? What skills or abilities do I need that I'm currently lacking?
- What did they mean to me? Who were they in my life (what are the many roles they filled that now feel empty)?
- Who's the best person or who are the best people to help me make sense of my struggles, challenges, thoughts and emotions? Who are my best guides to not only help me find a sense of direction but also help shed light on a part of my life's path that feels so dark at times?
and that's just the tip of the iceberg, when it comes to questioning.
While not being able to find certain answers can feel painful, some of the revelations can be painful too. For example, while working out exactly what someone meant to you, you can find they meant more than you ever imagined. With such a revelation, the emotional charges and outpouring can be enormous. While we can face a time of great mental pain/challenge, a time of great physical pain/challenge (which can include chemical challenges, such as a loss of all the dopamine hits our loved one/s gave to us), I've found the greatest challenge and pain to be of a soulful nature. Such incredible loss can come with a monumental amount of soul searching.
I think, at the end of the day, the direction we take depends largely on what we need. If we need mental guidance we can employ certain guides for that (professional or not). If we need physical or chemical assistance, we can be guided towards that which assists our body (either medication or natural forms of chemistry). If we need a soulful sense of guidance, then that can be the course we take. Sometimes a combo can be what serves. Personally, I'm a soulful kinda gal and this is one of the reasons why my heart goes out to you so much ❤️. With this being one of the greatest challenges you have ever faced, if not the greatest challenge of your life, be kind to yourself and be patient with yourself as you rise to meet it on a daily basis. At times, raising ourself can be the greatest challenge of all.
