New Here

[Lance1982]

Hey

I’m new here. I have social anxiety and depression all my
life. I lost a job I held for 6 years which has intensified my social anxiety
and depression as well as adding anxiety. The biggest problem for me is I have
no friends and no social life and no hobbies.

I have trouble filling the days with something to do which
adds to the problems and would like to do just something. Gaining employment is
one step in the right direction for me but after submitting application after application
I have been unsuccessful.

My main goals right now is to have frequent face to face
social interaction with a small group of people. Some people to have drink with
and talk about stuff. I currently have no income and food and things like that
is generally hard to come by. All my life I have these problems but since the
loss of my job I have way too much time on my hands and I’m so worried about my
future.

I feel totally alone constantly and can’t settle or focus. This
has been going on for way too long and need help.

[Cold_Mirror]

Your goal to increase your social interactions is a good idea. A really good place for guys to find companionship is by joining a Men's Shed. You don't necessarily have to be making things - it can just be a social outlet where you can drop in for a coffee and a chat. Also, if you look on the noticeboard at your local library, you might see something else that interests you.

I hope that you're getting some treatment for your anxiety and depression. It can be hard to take the first step. If you're not getting help, could you have a chat to your gp?

I'm sorry that you are out of work. It is very hard when there are those knock backs.

Keep posting.

[Guest_322]

Hi,

You're clearly very isolated. Loneliness is a horrible feeling. Very painful. I think Cold_Water had some great suggestions on how to increase social interaction.

[Guest_322]

Sorry, I meant Cold_Mirror (not cold_Water). Typo. My bad 😔

[Lance1982]

Hey, thanks for the responses.

I been really considering talking to my GP. He prescribed me
medication. I took it once at night time and had some strange dreams that night
and throughout the next day I felt like a zombie. Technically it did solve the
problem but I’m not really comfortable in living like a zombie and it also took
away my ability to have any happy feelings too and just existing in a semi
conscious state throughout the day it makes me think I would rather live with
what I have then the rest of my life like that.



I immediately stopped taking it. I heard it only works for
afew weeks and that you are stuck taking it for a long time before being able
to get off of it. Only after one day it took me a full month of withdrawals to fully
get over that medication and I’m one of the luckier ones. It is safe to say
that that is definitely NOT the right medication for me and got out while I
could.



I’m currently unmedicated and a little worse for wear after
that experience . The biggest issue for me is boredom and the
anxiety I get because I’m worried about becoming bored and being alone for the
rest of my life. I’m thinking of joining a mens shed but the type of people
there seem boring and have nothing else in their life. Although friendly. I
have to get my head around that these are the types of people I may be spending
a lot of time with in the future.



I’m also got a referral from my psychologist about joining a
Floresco Center and again same deal is that the type of people I’m going to be
spending time with are going to have issues like me and quite possibly even
worse.



I’m also thinking of volunteering quite possibly for the
RPSCA. In my mind going into a Floresco Center, joining a mens shed or
volunteering is kind of a huge kick in the teeth that they’re the only options
I have but I literally have nothing else and wandering around everyday starting
from 3am due to sleep problems is something I rather not be doing.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

Hiya Lance,

He prescribed me medication. I took it once at night time and had some strange dreams that night and throughout the next day I felt like a zombie.

Medication for depression, anxiety and other mental health issues is far from an exact science. It's better than leeches but it's not the same standard as 'You have x virus, take 2 y tablets and call me in the morning".

Very few people get the right medication, right dosage first time. Even things like capsules over tablets is reported to have a difference and time of day can matter depending on person.

The right medication and dosage won't turn you into a zombie. It also wont make things wonderful overnight. From my experience it takes about a fortnight to a month to stop the side effects, and start having positive influence over my life.Your GP might start you off on half dosages to minimalise this, or you could suggest it.

I've been on a lot of different medications to get to one I'm kinda happy with. The first one I tried gave me yucky nausea, incredible headaches and zombification for the first few weeks, Those side effects wore off, and it was doing me some good but then other symptoms messed with me and I needed to change.

The next one I tried was one of the most awful experiences I've had. Sometimes the medication will cause intense dips in mood, and actually depress you further at times. I felt more wretched than I had without them. Being aware of this as a potential side effect, I quickly told my GP to change medications.

Brain chemistry is hard. But it can be amazing when they do get it right, you just might have to suffer some bad combos first.

that you are stuck taking it for a long time before being able to get off of it.

It's a really bad idea to go cold turkey on any drug or medication generally. And this goes double for psychotropics. But it's very rare it takes more than a month to wean off the medication, more often it's a fortnight on half dose, often getting similar side effects in that month as when you started the medication.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

I have trouble filling the days with something to do which adds to the problems and would like to do just something. ...

My main goals right now is to have frequent face to face social interaction with a small group of people. Some people to have drink with and talk about stuff

To help better here, I'd like to ask some of your interests?

My standby suggestion is board game clubs, as it's an easy causal atmosphere without pressure to talk at first, and something to focus on.

If you like reading, book clubs.There's clubs for most interests.

I’m thinking of joining a mens shed but the type of people there seem boring and have nothing else in their life. Although friendly. I have to get my head around that these are the types of people I may be spending a lot of time with in the future.

...

same deal is that the type of people I’m going to be spending time with are going to have issues like me

The people will vary from place to place. A men's shed may not suit your interests.

But you're letting self hate dictate how you're thinking of others. You are not a bad person. You have value. "People like you" (and me) are struggling with different issues, coming from many different places to get to 'broken' pile, all with unique experiences.

Volunteers have even more varied reasons for being there

I’m also thinking of volunteering quite possibly for the RPSCA.

If you have an interest in animals, this seems a no brainer to me. Do it. You'll meet people of all sorts both working and visiting, have a common interest, bond over doing the dirty work. It will socalise you with a variety of ages and genders.

In my mind going into a Floresco Center, joining a mens shed or volunteering is kind of a huge kick in the teeth that they’re the only options I have but I literally have nothing else

Give me some interests to work with, and I'll increase those options.

[Dr_Kim]

Hi Lance, it can be very discouraging to spend too much time alone and in your own head, and I wonder if that is why your psychologist suggested joining a community support group. I also think this could be a huge improvement in your sense of self and just one stepping stone towards getting to be the man you want to be again. Don't think of it as an end point, think of it as one stage along your journey to good health.

The plus about a community support group is that instead of it being a kick in the teeth, people there are usually non judgmental and understand all too well the difficulties that mental health can put in peoples way. Once you develop a sense of routine in attending your community support group, you may try volunteering in wider circles like the RSPCA, refugee support groups, education support groups etc.

It's important to keep working on the things that you have got to offer instead of concentrating on the things you feel your anxiety and depression have robbed from you. For example, if you are good at handiwork you may be able to use that ability to teach others, create things for others in your spare time. You may be able to join the Big Brother/Sister program and support kids less fortunate than you.

With respect to the meds, it sounds like you had a bad experience trying a medication that made you feel bombed out. I'm not sure whether your GP suggested an alternative for you, or you were game to try an alternative. Certainly, there are some people who don't respond well to certain SSRIs, but on trying another one feel a lot better and tolerate the side effects in a totally different way. It might be worth a conversation with your health professional about how you felt on the medication, and discussing if you were to try another medication what that would be, and what might be the method of you starting it. I would suggest if you were to consider a trial, start on tiny doses (even quarter of a tablet) to get your body used to it before going on to half and full tablets. Even this can make a big difference to how people tolerate the medication.

[Lance1982]

Well it took me a good while to think about what are my
interests? I used to do a lot of tv and video games but feel I would benefit
from doing something more productive with my time as I can watch tv and video
games anytime. Something which requires me to use my hands and that would take
up a lot of my time and a little bit of light to moderate physical activity
throughout the day would be ideal for me. For example, employment. I would be
more than happy even if I was working in a place like Pizza Hut or Dominos
(Which I’ve been applying for over 4 months now) and that would be huge in my
recovery process and is actually one of my goals.

This is kind of why I’m stuck right now. What can I do in
the mean time? How do I know what I’m interested in? Sure I like animals and
this volunteering for the RPSCA is looking like something I’m more and more
leaning towards. I just have to get the motivation to walk in and ask as it’s a
short train trip away and I don’t know what to ask for when I get there.

This community center, I have an appointment for intake
coming up. I guess I should go. I have no idea what to expect. I don’t mind
walking provided it’s in a group of friendly people. I’d even consider
bushwalking etc. Being socially isolated is challenging to say the least and
there is a lot of things which are better experienced in a group. The most
difficult part for me is being alone with myself for too long right now. I used
to enjoy a bit of alone time but now it drives me crazy.

About medication, my biggest fears there are side effects
and withdrawals once I want to get off them. I do have an upcoming appointment
with my GP and will talk to him further about that.

Thanks for the responses.

[Walden]

Hey mate, I'm not an expert but I know a few tricks that may help.

The most effective for me was going for a walk every day when possible. In a public place like a beach or a park. (Shopping centres freak me out). Each walk, I would focus on my feet and the sensation of my feet touching the ground. I'd often not wear shoes. Seriously it clears all the noise in my head. Once my mind was calm I'd practice just smiling at people as they walk by and sometimes say hello if they say it first. There's no requirement to engage with anyone but at least your getting used to being outside and around strangers. That's my pseudo social engagement without groups trick. Good luck