New girl posting, hoping to feel safe

[Chick75]

Hi I’m new to these forums and to admitting I’m struggling. I have no one in my life I can talk to about mental health mainly because I don’t want to be ridiculed which my family would do, I only have 1 friend and she’s a drinking buddy who is more friendly with my husband ( her husband and mine worked together long before I was on the scene). If I’m honest I’ve struggled with my self worth all of my life or as long as I can remember but I’ve hidden it behind bravado, aggression and pretending. On the inside I’m so scared someone will find out it’s all an act and out me to the world as not coping. I tried a psychologist earlier this year but found her condescending and she really only wanted to frame my feelings as “menopause “ which hasn’t really helped. I’ve always felt that I just don’t understand people & they don’t understand me, I’m always pretending to fit in and wondering when someone will notice. It’s nice to have the opportunity to be honest and not told I’m crazy, stupid or ridiculous for feelings I can’t help but feel. Nice to meet you

[Wrailith]

Hi,

i Just wanted to reach out and say u r not alone. (I know literal everyone says this lol but it is true) My suggestion is to maybe try to find something that makes you happy and spending the time to do it everyday. For me at least doing one thing I love everyday gives me a reason to wake up and not just stop living. And also remember that you wouldn’t have the good people you have in your life if you weren’t good enough. Remember that they chose to be with you, that they give you value.

I hope this might help a little (:

wraililth

[Chick75]

Thank you for your kindness. I try to find something in nature to appreciate daily, it’s just some days, most if I’m honest I struggle to keep that one good moment in my mind and then I feel stupid & selfish for not being happy. I try to keep my son at the forefront of my thinking, he is doing so well in his life and I don’t want him to be derailed by my sadness, at least I can still pretend so he won’t know I’m sad, angry, tired of life.

Thank you again for your kindness it really helps to know their people who are kind

[geoff]

Hello Chick75, I know it isn't easy to unravel all your thoughts to people you don't even know, but then again, it may be easier, and every reply has a great deal of meaning.

You must never feel 'stupid & selfish for not being happy', and we can pretend to our family/friends that there is nothing wrong, but the longer this prevails the worse we can get and make it harder for trying to cope with all the situations that face us.

Your son is a young man growing up, beginning to start his own agenda and what he's aiming for in life and learning to understand what's actually happening and you shouldn't blame yourself.

Your 1 friend who also drinks with her husband and yours may tend to be aloof as the alcohol takes effect, and with the psychologist's comment, you have every right to question what she has said, she's there to help you, not put an unnecessary judgement that only stalls you from talking with her.

A puppy or kitten is a calm solace, my puppy was with me 24/7.

hanks for posting and get back to us when you have time.

Geoff.

[Wrailith]

U are not stupid for feeling sad. Sadness is a human emotion is normal (to an extent). Maybe telling your feelings from your son might help and he might be able to help you. For me (i am a teen so it is slightly different) telling my parents what I was dealing with really helped as they were able to give me and still are giving me support when I need it.

remeber u r never alone and keep trying (:

wrailith