New and a little lost

[Pelkie]

Hi - I'm new to the online forums. I read a few posts and replies and it was just good to know there are other people who are going through similar experiences.

i've had anxiety / depression on and off for a long time. Usually brought on by stress - the current episode was brought on by fearing my schizophrenic brother was trying to get into my flat and harm me and my kids because we were hiding my mother. Anyway that was a long time ago but I'm still on the meds.

In some ways I'm coping well. I was an alcoholic and I've been sober 3 years. I'm a single parent holding down a fairly demanding job and dealing with two kids (13 and 9) both with learning difficulties and one also has ADHD/ Aspergers. My ex is unemployed and doesn't contribute financially. He lives with his parents so only has the kids 2 days per fortnight - which is when I try to catch up on housework etc.

All this means I'm exhausted. I've got very little time, money or energy to do anything I enjoy. I know from past experience that doing yoga and going to the gym really help my mood but I can't afford them and have no time. I do walk my dog - that helps a bit.

My life is not great and I can't see any way to make it better. All I get from my family is criticism - they are sick of how miserable I am and my mother screamed at me to see a insert swear word psychiatrist. When I tried to explain to my ex how desperate I am he just said 'well you choose to leave me'. Only because I woul have started drinking again if I stayed but that is another story

[geoff]

hello Pelkie, and well done for being sober for 3 years, that's an enormous achievement, and I understand if you do get back with your ex the drinking will start once again, and I can definitely relate to this.
Even though your ex is unemployed I'm sure he would be getting some payment off centrelink, and living with his parents would mean his costs would be minimal, so I don't think it's fair for him not to provide you with some financial support, however that's a decision between the two of you.
Again it's disappointing that your family don't support you, especially when you were protecting your mother from your brother, it doesn't seem to be fair at all.
You know as your children get older then so does your responsibility and add this onto your job then any spare time you have would be much appreciated, but it doesn't seem to be happening and only putting more pressure on you, but my fear is that you don't resort back to alcohol, because may only complicate the situation.
Do you want to ask your ex if he can have the kids a bit more, because you need time to try and get some peace and quiet, and then you can walk your dog, maybe catch up on some sleep or maybe ask your mother to look after the kids, because if she can then this would mean she is helping you in some way rather than telling you off, because you need time for yourself. Geoff. x

[Pelkie]

Hi Geoff - thanks for your reply! I notice you are a big support to newbies

I do plan to ask my ex to have the kids a bit more. The complication is that the kids need to sleep on camp mattresses on the lounge room floor and they don't like that. My ex won't have them more during the day on his weekends off because he likes to go out and get wasted

i might pursue child support if he doesn't have them more. I just figured it wasn't worth pissing him off and maybe I could get more out of him by asking. I might try family mediation.

i realise I was exaggerating when I said 'all I get from my family is criticism'. My mum does come up at 7am most mornings so I can go to work . She is just fed up with how miserable I always am. Half the time she's looking after my schizophrenic brother's son (who sadly also has schizophrenia / tho milder)

my ex and family just don't understand depression. I tell my ex 'I'm really desperate for a break - I can't take much more of this'. I don't think he understands. I'm not suicidal but I could see that I could become that way.

Probably family mediation is the way to go. Begging doesn't seem to have achieved much!