Negative thoughts

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

This is my first time here. I have anxiety, sometimes I don't know the trigger, it could be making a mistake, or talking, I have zero belief in myself and usually think I'm bad.

At work, I apologize too much and always think (or perhaps I do) say stupid things (well the sarcastic comments tell me it is) and I feel pathetic for being too sensitive.

Recently I'm gotten so upset that I cry, mainly from frustration, which isn't right, I shouldn't because it's a minor thing, especially with the world Iike it is, but there it is.

I have been trying meditation and all that but still the negative thoughts come, sometimes my thoughts go to the negative about work people which I am horrified by, they haven't done anything.

I am trying to be grateful and when my mind goes to the negative I feel bad because I'm complaining and so the cycle goes around.

I'm nearly 38 and I have everything you need to be happy but I'm not.

I have thought about suicide, I feel like a waste of a person on this earth, I don't do anything.

Also too I feel like a drama queen for overreacting over small things which shouldn't matter, especially when others have had it worse, why do I feel like this, I've had a good lucky life!!!

Thanks for reading this,

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

It takes a fair bit to offend me these days, so I imagine what you'd said would interest me more than offend me.

Yes, the world is going somewhat insane; you have to be so careful when it comes to watching what you say. Had a conversation with my 17yo daughter the other week which ended up being quite amusing. Both her and I are deeply considerate regarding people's choices or preferences in life as long as no harm is being done to anyone or nobody is being taken advantage of. Anyhow...she said that it's driving her and her friend crazy, having to watch they don't offend anyone. They have pals who have gender preferences outside the square so it is a challenge for her and her friend to be extra careful in this case. She said 'This is all really getting to me. Mum, did you know there is now something called 'Bee gender'. Some people actually identify as bees'. What the? I do question why everyone is so hell bent on identifying themselves in so many different ways. I said 'I know, why don't you and your friend make up your own title. You can be a person with no identity. I know, this is still an identity. If you offend someone to the point where they become offensive and degrading you can then go on to accuse them of discriminating against you. Declare 'I am a NOID and you are offending me by labeling me'. My daughter smiled, 'I am annoyed'. I didn't even realise what I'd said before she'd pointed it out.

Being a 50yo gal, I've witnessed some questionable things over the years. I've seen innocent princess fairytales slammed, for leading people to see women as weak and dependent. I've seen people argue over the words 'mankind' vs 'humankind' and even 'Baa baa black sheep' or 'the black sheep of the family' declared discriminatory. Of course, I've also witnessed wonderful changes that were a long time coming such as highly offensive racist names being declared unacceptable and laws that have come to protect children from being abused in a number of ways that were once deemed acceptable.

We're always going to trigger someone JM. Someone's always going to have an issue with something that triggers them for some reason. Some people will have perfectly understandable reasons and some people are swept up in insanity, in my opinion. I believe if anyone is offended by the simple word 'doll', I would question it. I've heard self righteous feminists with the foulest of language vent in public forums (offensive behaviour...no matter the gender).

🙂

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Grandy

Thanks for that, I am hard on myself, a trigger is making a mistake, the thoughts seem real & I'm very unkind to me, I hope I'm not with anyone else,

Reading your post I'm feeling better a bit, am calming down

The thing with anxiety is that I constantly need reassuring to let me know I'm okay, that I'm going okay. To other people this will get annoying for them & I hate being like that,but thanks for your kind words, I had a moment & have managed to calm myself

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Grapejuice

You will be alright, Its normal to feel like that but trust me all will be okay! 😃 I know it doesn't feel like that but it will, at the end of the day, all will work out.

Remember there are lots of different ways to live your life & if you do well great but if you don't, well look at the singer John Mayer, he didn't finish music college & look at him, he's a great singer. And Richard Branson, he didn't do too great at school I think& he's a millionaire, I hope I've made you feel better

Good 🍀 with the hsc,

[JacintaMarie]

Hi the rising

I did not know about bee gender! Well I learnt something new.

I had a trigger today, a mistake I made & got a bit upset tonight but have managed to calm down.

I found out about an anxiety book by Dr Claire Weekes called Self Help for your Nerves, so I'm going to read that & hope it works.

It would be nice to go to a psychologist but with the waiting list & money they charge, I think I'm best to do it myself.

I had a better day today apart from the silly unprofessional mistake I made. The worst is that I try too & even when I do I still make a mistake. But trying to be happy.

And I try not to offend anyone & be mindful,.

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

You definitely should congratulate yourself for trying. The quest for greater consciousness ensures we evolve in a variety of ways. In some aspects of our life, progress will be quick, with instantaneous results. In some cases our progress will be so gradual that we may barely notice until the progress does becomes noticeable. Have faith that you will come to notice difference.

Progress doesn't always appear as something worth celebrating. Progress can actually appear depressing and gritty in some parts. Give you an example:

1. You spend a number of years being triggered by people's comments. It might be the occasional comment here and there to the point where you barely notice but, still, you're left feeling down
2. You progress to the stage where you become sensitive to more and more comments. You may begin to think 'What's wrong with me? Why am I so easily triggered these days?'
3. You progress to the point where you seriously begin to question yourself, more and more. You may wish you weren't so sensitive. Your sensitivity feels like curse. You can be left thinking 'I'll be stuck feeling so much, for the rest of my life. Why can't I just be like everyone else?'
4. You progress to the point of wondering what will make a difference because you can no longer tolerate things. You may become a bit of a detective at this point. You may discover the benefits of understanding and mastering a sensitive nervous system, understanding your body on an energetic level and you may find other people who are as sensitive as you. This can all become fascinating. The truth, in this case, is the difference is not experienced in changing yourself or in 'toughening up', it's experienced in better understanding yourself
5. You may progress to understand that whenever you feel a certain sensation in your body, this sensation is communicating something to you. What you once labeled 'a rise to anxiety', through your body, is something you now feel and label as 'a rise to courage'. To find courage, the natural course is to rise through fear and beyond it. When you're triggered to certain feelings through degradation, you may now recognise that as 'the feeling of connecting with someone who is degrading'
6. Now you have progressed to relying on your sensitivity to read people and situations. Your growing sensitivity is exactly what pushed you to better understand it as a gift
7. You realise your sensitivity (subtle energy shifts) is your compass, giving you a sense of direction.

🙂

[JacintaMarie]

Hi the rising

That is right, it starts at one thing & processes.

This morning I had a ungrateful moment where I blamed work for my low esteem, which is wrong, I'm to blame and I told myself what work has done for me, a holiday, house, garden, car, food, clothes, mobile, good health etc.

I am ashamed that I thought that, my thoughts are getting back to normal, that I feel this way when I don't have a reason to feel like it, though it just is, you don't have to have a reason.

My parents keep on & have always told me I'm a good, nice person but I don't usually believe them, I don't do enough in the world to help, I just work & try to send money to charities when I can.

I guess another bit to go before I'm better.

Thank you the rising

[JacintaMarie]

Hi again

This afternoon my brain had a unreasonable thought where I assumed & turned out I was wrong.

Feel such an idiot, thought I had a reasonable logical brain but thoughts keep on floating in my brain.

I have been trying to do the Dr Claire Weekes thing, face, accept, float, let time pass.

Yesterday I apologized to a lady at work who had "told me" off for lifting too heavy an item, by email & she replied that's okay & said she didn't need to "tell me" off, such a fool😌

I have apologized inside my head to the person I assumed wrong. I have been unfair to them. So tired of these thoughts, they feel real & right.

Want my logic to come back or am I'm being too hard on myself

Thank you Beyond Blue for being here & not telling me to "pull up my socks"

[The_Observation]

Hi Grapejuice. So much emphasis is put on HSC that it can just seem so overwhelming. All you can do is your best at that time. Some days you'll be amazing, others, not so much, but that's ok. That's how MH works. Just acknowledge that on that day, you did the best you could do.

I didn't do well at school and was always told that I wasn't going to amount to much at all ( in fact, many teachers and friends said just as much-it was kind of a running joke). After a while I believed them. But you know what, once I got out of the "school environment" and into a more "mature environment" things got better, and started to turn around. Today, I still battle with mental health but am successful in my life, relationships and career.

Just do what you can do and sit comfortably with this; don't get down on yourself or beat yourself up if you don't achieve the results you're after. Celebrate the fact that your sitting your exams, as there are many that don't have the courage to do this. But you do. HSC isn't the be all and end all and it certainly doesn't define who you are.

Good luck and keep us updated with your progress.

Cheers,

The_Obs.