Negative thoughts

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

This is my first time here. I have anxiety, sometimes I don't know the trigger, it could be making a mistake, or talking, I have zero belief in myself and usually think I'm bad.

At work, I apologize too much and always think (or perhaps I do) say stupid things (well the sarcastic comments tell me it is) and I feel pathetic for being too sensitive.

Recently I'm gotten so upset that I cry, mainly from frustration, which isn't right, I shouldn't because it's a minor thing, especially with the world Iike it is, but there it is.

I have been trying meditation and all that but still the negative thoughts come, sometimes my thoughts go to the negative about work people which I am horrified by, they haven't done anything.

I am trying to be grateful and when my mind goes to the negative I feel bad because I'm complaining and so the cycle goes around.

I'm nearly 38 and I have everything you need to be happy but I'm not.

I have thought about suicide, I feel like a waste of a person on this earth, I don't do anything.

Also too I feel like a drama queen for overreacting over small things which shouldn't matter, especially when others have had it worse, why do I feel like this, I've had a good lucky life!!!

Thanks for reading this,

[JacintaMarie]

Hi

Yesterday I had a good day & this morning was good until the thoughts came back again, of all the stupid things I've done.

I'm trying to distract myself, the biggest mistake I have made is lifting stuff that is too heavy for me, I get annoyed with myself when I forget a trolley & get annoyed when someone at work "scolds" me for not taking it. Believe me, I hate myself for doing that.

That's my trigger, when I want to do the right thing & my stupid brain does that, I am an idiot. Luckily I have not had a osh incident, touch wood, I tell myself I'm going to do the right thing & the next thing, what happens! 😂 I don't do it, ah I mentally hit myself!

I am trying to be more positive & that means I have to not think of the negative thoughts.

Working on it again.

[mocha delight]

We are here for you 🤗 and I reread one of my replies and I put my psychologist appointment was that day 🤭 when I meant to put it’s on the 9th of September plus realising that I now feel like my memory is going a bit downhill 😔

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

I'm an absolute shocker at work with one particular task especially. I work in aged care and this particular task I mention involves me setting up the afternoon tea trolleys for the girls to take out to the residents. There is almost always something I forget to put on those trolleys. These days I amuse myself by asking them 'Okay, see if you can pick what I've forgotten'. Been working in this role for 2 years. You'd think I would have worked the kinks out by now. Asked myself the other day 'Why do I always do the same thing?' It was either divine inspiration or the logical side of brain that said 'You're not managing strategically'. Correct. Every time I'm faced with the same task I think 'Okay, that seems fine' I'm omitting to construct a plan that I need to follow, a mental check list to stick to. So, you could say lifting those boxes simply indicates you've gone off plan. Figuring out how to easily stick to the plan is the challenge. Maybe the plan could involve you saying to yourself 'I cannot carry out this task without a trolley'. It becomes a firm directive you give yourself. If something pops into your head that says 'It'll be faster without the trolley', you could say to yourself 'That is not part of the plan'. I know, it's not always that easy to break a habit. Practice is what breaks a habit. You could even say 'I'm going to practice using the trolley every time'. Often we can find ways to manipulate our own brain. When we ordain it the servant as opposed to the master, we begin to reform our relationship with our brain, giving it conscious direction.

I'd love to know what your ideas are at work. I bet they're brilliant. You don't have to elaborate if you don't want, no probs. We can easily be led to doubt our self when we're surrounded by people who don't recognise natural brilliance. All it takes is for one person to step in and say 'That's brilliant' and then go on to justify why they believe it to be so. You can even be left thinking 'Wow, that is actually pretty amazing. I never fully realised until that person pointed out all the reasons why'.

You last signed off with 'working on it again'. We are all definitely a work in progress. Being a conscious work in progress, always working on becoming the best version of yourself, is what sets you apart from others. Many will see nothing about themselves that needs changing. Such folk are not so conscious. Those who grow the most are often those who are most humble.

🙂

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Mocha

You fixed it though & your doing a brilliant thing in going to the psychogist.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi the rising

So what are you going to do so you don't forget the item for the tea trolley. 😃

I'll try to do it, the main thing is that I really don't want someone to go off at me, I'm tired of hearing their tone. I'm the only one who they aren't nice too (though the state of my mental health isn't a good judge)

And my ideas at work are bad, trust me, they are too complicated & long & hard. You hear about quiet people having brilliant ideas, but not me!

Ah, I'm supposed to be trying to be positive about myself, but my brain is just so used to being negative that I can't see anything good.

I have a feeling the people at work would just say snap out of it, my problems are trivial.

Thanks the rising for writing to me, I'll try not to be so down. I do wish I would hurry up & get it though, to do the right thing.

[therising]

Hi JacintaMarie

I believe the best way to go is to memorise what's meant to be on those trolleys, so when I stand back on completion, I can allow my brain to make sense of what's missing. A bit like working out what's missing from the snapshot in my head. I'll give it a go anyhow.

I work with a wonderful lady who pulled me up on a bad habit I have. She said 'You have this terrible habit of saying how bad your memory is. You need to stop telling yourself that and start telling yourself your memory is good. When you remember things, you have to congratulate yourself every time'. She's right. Telling myself how bad it is becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. It's kinda like 'You're memory is bad, don't forget this!', which is amusing in a way when you think about it; one thing I can always remember is how bad my ability to remember is 🙂

JM, our work environment can play a major role in regard to our self-esteem. Working in the care industry, 99.9% of the people I work with are deeply caring people. We all bring out the best in each other. After over a decade of being a stay at home mum, I re-entered the workforce just over a couple of years ago. I had virtually zero confidence and my work colleagues have raised me thoughtfully and with great support to greater confidence. Incredibly reassuring people. So, the question might be, for you, 'Am I in the most nurturing and supportive environment when it comes to raising my self-esteem?' The people around us can play a major role in how we perceive our self.

You mention your ideas are complicated which leads me to wonder whether you hold some ability in working out complex things. You might say 'I can't do that. I don't have the ability to see the intricacies of things' yet I easily imagine you might. If you've ever been led to think, when looking at an object/situation/person 'I wonder how that/he/she works', you're naturally wonderful. Playing 'follow the leader', if we follow the lead of wonder, it can lead us to study exactly how something or someone works. I'm often wondering how I work, as a rather quirky person, some might say. I always seek answers when it comes to knowing myself better. We are complex creatures JM!

Do you ever wonder how or why you work the way you do? I remember low self-esteem and depression well and I recall how easy it can be to led to statements, as opposed to wonder. Replacing 'I am hopeless!' with 'I wonder why and how I am led to hope less' turns us into a curious detective.

🙂

[JacintaMarie]

Hi The Rising

Thanks for the positive feedback, my ideas, I seem not to make them complicated & not simple.

Today was okay, had some negative thoughts but managed to get busy & they went away, they seem real, if someone at work is in a bad/grumpy mood, I always seem to know the wrong time to speak, Murphy's Law.

I read an article that the more stressed or anxious you get, the more your brain loses cognitive. That does explain a lot 😂

I hope you do well with the trolley, I hope I can get better & learn to float past the thoughts

I'm not sure if I am not in a caring environment, my thoughts are so negative that my perspective sees the negetive, so I just see the bad so I can't say for sure. It is moody though, people are constantly either in a good mood or bad mood. There are no in between.

[JacintaMarie]

Hi again

A other moan from me again, sorry, had another trigger moment. I ended up talking (when I don't want to,) and I said something silly, I won't repeat in case I offend someone.

What I will say is that, I was talking about what offends people & in a book I'm reading the character didn't like being called a doll, funnily enough I don't mind, I feel like I'm in a minority, it seems like most females don't like being called this & I'm one of the last who don't mind it (of course not in a malicious way,) I mean in a nice way. When I say to people I don't mind, I think they are looking at me funnily, I always say the wrong thing or I get the context wrong.

This could just be my negative thoughts or I am an idiot who still doesn't get the world & I should I'm 38,

Ah, just when I'm getting there, my trigger hits...

I do find it hard to be kind to me.

Thanks Beyond Blue for letting me rant, I'm trying to get there.

[Grapejuice]

Hi,

Recently I have been feeling profoundly overwhelmed about everything, more specifically about myself and my life.

In approximately 6 weeks, I will be sitting my HSC, which I am not looking forward to, as I fear I will fail. Needless to say, I have this repetitive voice in my subconscious mind telling me I am not enough and I am too vacuous for anything. I do not have any confidence or belief in myself what so ever.

But I am willing to accept any suggestions in regards to mental health or even self doubt.

My apologies for the negativity

[Ggrand]

Hello JacintaMarie..

Definitely no you are not an idiot at all...

People are funny like that..looking at us in a funny way if they don’t agree or understand why others think differently from them... You’re opinion / thoughts do matter even if it’s not what they wanted to hear..it doesn’t mean you’re saying the wrong thing or got the context wrong..It just means your thoughts/opinions are different then them...Please don’t be so hard on yourself...

Being kind to ourself is something we all should do everyday...taking even 5 minutes out of your day to do something you like to do...sitting outside, reading a good book, sipping on a cold drink while listening to some nice music...just little things we do for yourself can make a big difference in your day..

My kindest thoughts with care dear JacintaMarie..

Grandy..