Need to find balance

[Nunna_Y]

On the outside I look normal (I think 🤔). Inside I’m consumed with anxiety.

In the last 18 months my partner i found my partner unconscious at home with a head injury. No known cause but fractured skull and brain bleed. After 12 months he has made excellent progress only to have a bike accident resulting in broken bones, depression and weight gain.

At the same time my daughter had her first baby and I tried to support her while dealing with man with head injury. Daughter & partner have separated acrimoniously and are having financial and custody battles. I look after our grandson 3 days a week.

i feel so lost in all of this. I’m trying my best to keep up with everyone’s needs and feel squashed in a box with so many expectations and worries. 
People outside of my circle say I’m doing so well, you’ve got a lot on your shoulders, I don’t know how you do it.

I want to feel better about myself. My partner says I overreact (and I probably do). But I feel scared and pressured. 

[Croix]

Dear Nunna_Y~

I'd like to welcome you here to the Forum, a good move on your part as if you look around you will see others who have had to try to cope with similar situations.

You sound a very caring and able person, though like so may you expect yourself to be a bottomless well of strength and support to those you love - and I suspect you are overtaxing yourself by trhying to make too many people's lived as good as possible.

Your partner had a worrying head injury only 1 months ago anf has now has=d a bike crash esulting in injury depression and weight gain. Just rying to be with a person wiht depression is super hard, and the physical assistance comes on top. Incidentally the weight gain might be caused by medication, sometimes that happens.

Your daughter is separating, and you ty to help her and look after your grandson 3 day per week. 

Frankly yo have to look after you first. You now the sign in aircraft

"Put oxygen mask on self before trying to help others"

This is tru for you in this situation. It may mean you do not help as much, your daughter may have to fight her own legal battle with her separation and its consequences, your partner may need to talk more with his doctor to reduce depression and at the same time not use a weight gain medication. The point is he should do that.

This does not mean yo do not assist to ones you love, but have the hard task of cutting down on their and your expectations to keep yourself fit for the long  haul.

For your own welfare can I suggest you do hte same as myself. Reserve a time every evening just for you. A time to do something oyu enjoy by yourself. Reading, TV show,. gong for a walk or whatever pleases or distracts you. It is not being self indulgent, it is helping replenish your strenght.

People outside do not understand, it is not meaningless praise ytou need but someone that understands waht you are going though so you are not alone. Alternately someone who rolls up with a mop and bucket and helps with all the chores.

Looking after yourself is hard, however doing so gives you one thing to look forward to each day.

You now you are welcome here anytime

Croix

[smallwolf]

Hello and welcome.

from your post, it does sound like you do a lot for those in your family. It also means you care a lot for those around you. And perhaps, those outside your circle are amazed at how you manage it do it all. 

It reminds me a little of the advert on television for the battery that goes and goes and goes... Until one day the battery stops. If you are running nearly on empty or the sniff of fumes, it does not get you very far. In this instance, you have to recharge the battery somehow. Some will talk about a "stress bucket" which is virtually the same thing. So I'm not suggesting you stop caring for those around you, rather that you also make sure there is enough time for yourself so that you can look after those around you.

If I were allowed to ask, what would it take for you to be able to get some times for yourself so that you do not have to "keep up with everyone’s needs and feel squashed in a box with so many expectations and worries"?

Listening...