Need advice

[Catcute1240]

My mother suffers from bipolar disorder and depression. My older sister became the gurdian of us young one's. We moved to Melbourne to live with our mum and at first all was good. Then our mum went back to her old ways of being violent, paranoid always swearing, verbal abuse, shouting at us and other behaviour the made us frightened. It became to much for us so we moved out on our own. A year later she was getting better taking her medication and started working again. He work place was near our new home so we decided to give her another chance and she came to live with us. After 6 months of peaceful living she is going back to her old ways. We are not sure what to do??? We're to afraid to kick her out since she says she won't leave (she is not on the lease though) also she has been threatening to fight for custody of our youngest sister. I'm mostly concered for our oldest sister who is our gurdian. My mum for some reason hates her with a passion. I believe she feels threatened that we take her as a mother figure. Even though it was my older sister that helped mum in all her tough times and traumatic experience. In the past mum even threw a glass at her. Our mums behavior has impacted my sisters studies at uni and her personal life. We don't know what we should do to get her out of the house.

[blondguy]

Hello Catcute1240

Thankyou for having the strength/courage to post about the effect your mum is having on you/everyone and your oldest sister. This is so very sad yet common...unfortunately

May I ask if your mum has any relatives that you can call for inter family support? I dont have Bipolar disorder but have suffered from diagnosed depression for about 22 years.

As what you have posted the impact your mums illness is having isnt conducive to a even reasonably happy home. Please excuse me for asking another question.....Does anyone know who your mum's doctor is?

I really feel for what you are all going through Catcute. Could you elaborate on what you meant when you mentioned your mum being violent?

The only reason I have asked a few questions is so we can support you more effectively..

Just a note if thats okay....The forums are a safe and non judgemental place to you to post Catcute. Your privacy and the well being of you family is paramount to us

There are many gentle people that can be here for you

I hope you can post back so we can provide you with the support you deserve

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Catcute1240~

I'd like to join Paul in welcoming you here. It is a very difficult thing what a parent is so difficult. I can easily understand why you all wanted to give her every chance, and it's really sad it is not working out. You eldest sister sounds wonderful, caring for the family and studying too. I guess all of you are lucky to have her to look after you.

I would think you are probably right that your mother resents her because she is taking her place. From the sound of it she has a very big burden, and it is really great you understand and are there for her. Have you talked over wiht her what to do about your mother?

As Paul has asked, are there any other family members to help out with this?

If your sister needs outside advice or help I'd suggest 1800Respect might be a good place to start. They deal in all types of abusive relationships, not just actual violence.

Please let us know how you get on, you are not alone and we do care

Croix

[Catcute1240]

First of all thank you Paul for welcoming words and much needed support and advice.

My family are migrants so my mums relatives all live back in our homeland. Also I believe this runs in my mum's family some of her siblings are also suffering mental disorders. My mums family has a lot of overall issues. However she has to support them from over here and they add to her stress.

About my mums doctor I'm not quiet sure if it's the same one. However when we were all living in the first house. My mum, siblings and I all spoke to him togther. I don't really remember the whole meeting but I recall him saying to "look after our mum, and said we only have one mum". Truthfully he didn't help the situation much but my mum eventually agreed to go stay with the eldest.

She hasn't been physically violent much these days. She continues to threaten to slap one of us. Tried to hit my older sister but doesn't go through with it. Sometimes its more empty threats. Recently she has been waking around 5 in the morning speaking to herself, cooking constantly, dancing and singing loud enough for us to wake. She believes everyone is a spy including her children. That we have been following her and touching her stuff. Sometimes she asks me to make her food then when she starts to feel sick will question if I've put something in it. She will swear like theirs no tomorrow cursing all her children and "the people she thinks we are working for". Then other day she took and hid my older sisters phone and purse. Because my sister wouldn't give her my youngest sister's passport. I think she wants to take her on a holiday to America but we don't think its safe of her to travel with my 10 year old sister. A few nights ago mum ran outside naked and started shouting at the houses since she believes everyone's against her. Also sometimes if she thinks her phone has been hacked. She will throw her phone break it and get a new sim card. Over the past 3 years shes spent thousands buying a new phones and sim cards. Mum sleeps in the same room as the youngest. If we go into that room she becomes suspicious of us and now we're not allowed to put her things that we find around the house back into her room. I don't quiet understand her reason for this. If we do she gets really angry and will throw her stuff back into the lounge room.

Theirs many other things that I haven't gone thorough.

Thank you Paul for your kind thoughts.

[Catcute1240]

Hi croxie I appreciate all the help I can get.

I have 4 siblings the 2 eldest (28 & 26) live out on their own have their own lives/family. The sisters I live with are the middle child (25) and the youngest (10). Us 3 are super close having gone through so much together. My eldest 2 siblings left home quiet young and only experienced living with mum during better times. It was only until she moved to Melbourne, for a while they tried to accommodate her but gave up quiet quickly. I love my eldest siblings and understand not everyone can handel it, but they've always been more self centered.

Since my dad is living overseas. He organised his close friends that are more like our "uncles" to watch out for us and help. They've been great support through it all. This second time around we haven't told dad that it's happening again. We know he will ask our "uncles" again and we don't want that. Since we feel a bit guilty that we let her into our home again after they helped us live separately the first time. However my sister and I have been speaking and think it might be better to get them involved again. Especially before we start studying.

I look forward to your reply and thank you for the number I'll pass it on to my sister.

[Just Sara]

Hi Cat;

You're certainly dealing with extreme circumstances. I'm glad you've come on board to talk. It must be frightening at times dealing with your mum's behaviour as well as worry about her well-being. You're a brave and caring young one for sure. 🙂

I'm concerned your mum could be suffering with a mental 'illness' as well as a 'disorder'. From what you've expressed about her behaviour, it sounds like she needs another assessment, ideally with one of you along for the session or at least to brief the psychiatrist on her behaviour.

Just to be clear, I'm not a professional, but my experience tells me there may be more to her story than bipolar disorder. I really don't want this to be the case ok. That's why having her assessed might be a good option at this point; just in case.

If you call the Mental Health Crisis Hotline in your state, they can advise on how to go about gaining support you'd benefit from, especially in your local area.

There's always the option of calling 000 emergency when instances like running naked in the street occurs. This may sound extreme, but to get your mum the help she needs, it might take the emergency number and psych support to assist her in ways her GP can't or won't. It's to protect her from herself more than anything.

Please talk this over with your older sister. I'm not sure if your cultural background will have a bearing on your situation, but please know, sometimes life requires measures we're not comfortable with to move forward.

I so wish you and your family well...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[Croix]

Dear Catcute1240~

Thank you very much for your replies, they were exactly what was needed to give a picture of the problems you face.

I'd have to agree wiht Sez that your mother sounds very badly in need of professional help and that getting it should be something to try for straight away.

Being reluctant to tell your family is understandable under the circumstances, as you had been set up without your mother but eventually allowed her in. I think your family would have to be pretty heartless not to relate exactly to how you were feeling. Loving a parent and wanting to help are really wonderful traits.

So if it was me I'd take advantage of the help your family can offer. That plus getting your mother assessed or as Sez says ringing 000 if she does extreme things like going in the street without clothes.

Seeing a parent who you love behave in such bizarre ways and knowing her mental state is not right is a very upsetting thing, it can be heartbreaking at times. Add to that her legal threats and the whole ongoing situation is most upsetting for you and your sisters. I'm very glad you have each other for support and comfort.

Please let us know how you are going

Croix