The very first memory I can remember ever is my older brother locking me up for what seemed like hours to me at the time , he wouldn't let me out , that had a lasting effect on me , from a young age I can remember violence within the family life , dad was always angry at something or at someone , mum had about four different boyfriends since my dad and every single one was violent all the time till I was about 12 , mum never did anything to stop it , I think she was scared so I don't blame her , but I couldn't get how people enjoyed hitting other people ? I still don't , what was worse was I would be harmed all the time by my older brother, I had average grades at school and that didn't help at home either , one time I went to school with an injury and I had to go into protective services and since then it's all been a blur , so many different families to go and live with , never making solid friends ,and then it came for me to move out of the system and I was shoved into the world with little to no social skills , the inability to make any lasting friendships or meaningful relationships with anyone was actually dawning on me and realised I would come to live alone , everyone around me seems to be doing fine in life , I think there is something wrong with me , no one ever took me to psychiatrist or a doctor or any professional , I think my parents just saw me as a fortnightly child support check , my grand mother definitely did , I remember her making me give all of my youth allowance to her , I was never taught how to spend my money well either , cause I was allowed only 20 dollars a fortnight I would always spend it all in one go and then get yelled at for it ,
So when I got to the age of 16 I needed more money to live , cause all these responsibilities started popping up , I turned to drug dealing and I lived like that for about 12 years untili got busted , I mean I was an undereducated young man who was making more than someone in an office , I was completely absorbed by it , started living the lifestyle even though it wasn't me , I was in and out of jail for 4 years and now im living in an age where crossing the border is an arrest able offence , how do people see the bright side of things in a world so dull , I don't have any friends to talk to , my family hates me , I don't even want to get out of bed in the morning.
