My Introduction to the forums

[Lethal58]

You would take one look at me at think this guy has no reason to be depressed. Around friends and family I am always the one who makes a joke out of everything and gives the impression that I am just a laid back bloke who doesn’t have a care in the world. That’s on the outside, but deep down I feel empty.
I guess I have been feeling like this for a lot longer than I care to admit but these last few years, which should have been my best, have probably been the worst.
Came to Australia when I was 23, leaving my family behind to seek security and fortune. I married at 24, had a child when I was 26 and everything looked rosy. Unfortunately, the marriage didn’t work and was divorced in my early thirties. Straight forward separation, no animosity.
It was about this time that I got a job working offshore, (a job I have been doing for 25+ years). Everything was looking good again. I had a very well paid job with lots of time off to enjoy being single. I was a skirt chaser and out at the bars and clubs every weekend cos I could. I had a few relationships but none of them lasted, quite simply because I was happiest being single, or so I thought. A very high percentage of offshore FIFO workers suffer depression but wont admit it, I am one of those.
By the time I reached my mid fifties I thought it was time to settle down again and started taking relationships more seriously. I met, and married my current partner 2 years ago. We started out fine at first, but our relationship is in a downward spiral for various reasons, mainly me finding it hard to adapt to a blended family.
I am now 60 and semi retired, have a very nice home, have all the boys toys, boats, bikes, caravan etc, large super fund to finance my retirement. but still feel empty.
I find myself withdrawing from society, even going out of the house to the shops is an effort. I can’t handle crowds and noisy people, I get irritated very easily but keep it locked inside. I just put it down to grumpy old man syndrome.
I have always been active during my time off. Not sport active but always busy around the property building, renovating and general maintenance. These days I find it an effort just mowing lawns.
I guess just writing this down and sharing it with someone is the first step for me. Discussing it with my wife should be the first step but how do I discuss it when our marriage is part of my problem.

Anyway, thanks for reading and look forward to all your comments.

[PamelaR]

Hello Lethal

Welcome to Beyond Blue forums. Pleased you found your way here. You've certainly had an interesting life, thank you for sharing. People here are caring, friendly and supportive. I'm someone who has experience with PTSD, anxiety and depression. I was only diagnosed about 7-8 years ago, but have lived 54 years or more with it.

Where to start. That empty feeling you have can definitely be driven by the lack of excitement in your life. You've had a very active, work and social life. Then all of a sudden you are semi-retired. No longer FIFO. While you say many of the people who do this have depression, there are always ways to start managing it. I like to think that depression doesn't define me as a person. It's something that needs managing.

So you're not alone Lethal. There are many of us retirees / semi-retirees who experience the same as you. I went into a deep hole, 6 months after retiring last year. That's why I came to Beyond Blue. It was so dark down there. I needed to feel I was okay, that things would improve. It has, but there are some basic things I had to do.

I'm someone who'll ask questions as I go along. Feel free to not answer any that you don't want to - no pressure for you to respond.

Have you been to see your doctor about how you are at the moment? It's often a good place to start. He'll assess whether you might benefit from seeing a therapist or counsellor. That's what I did at the end of last year and started seeing someone earlier this year. It's helped tremendously.

I can relate to everything you say about - losing interest in things. I had all these plans when I retired - getting a veggie patch growing, starting a small photography business, travelling Australia. All this fell in a heap. Slowly but surely with the work I'm doing with my psychologist, I have just planted my autumn/winter crop. It's looking great. I've been on two camping trips recently. I've become a volunteer for Beyond Blue and another organisation. So life is lifting.

Have you always had anxiety? Withdrawing from society is interesting. I found after leaving the confines of an office, I flew to Sydney for as a celebration. I did a backflip, had panic attacks in the streets of Sydney, couldn't handle the flights. But once I started working on my anxiety - things have looked up.

There is a great deal of tips and information on the homepage - do a search for TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY.

You're an achiever and you'll do it again. Just start your planning.

Pam