My Intro

[Guest_9809]

Hello. I am new here although I have been reading a number of posts over the past week or so. I think I've got this right, and am posting in the right place? These forums look like a pretty supportive place to be with what looks like many good people offering a lot of support to others over a long period of time. I think this is so important, so I decided to take the plunge and post here too. I figure it could only benefit me over the long term to have a bit of support from like minded people.

A little about myself - I am on the 'wrong' side of 50 years of age, female, married, no children. I experience bouts of depression and anxiety. Sometimes the depressive times come with thoughts of 'putting an end to things'. I have been seeing a psychologist for a couple of years, and am taking ADs. I am lucky that I have an understanding and helpful GP. But my partner is not at all supportive.

Taurus

[CMF]

Hi Taurus,

welcome and well done for posting. It's good that you've looked around the forums and seen how supportive it is. It's a place you can always come to when you need it.

sorry to hear about what you've been going through. It sound like you're taking the right steps to overcome your depression and anxiety. It's a shame your partner is not supportive, I know how that feels. I was always told I was looking for attention or I was a failure. People who don't go through it don't understand it.

i personally find exercise (I like to walk) helps with anxiety/depression. I know it may be the last thing you feel like doing when you're at a low point but a brisk walk, breathing in the air, dies help. Do you do any meditation, mindfulness or other things to keep your mind occupied with other things? Do you have other family or friends to support you? Any hobbies?

hope to hear back from you.

cmf x

[SubduedBlues]

Hi Taurus

On the 'wrong' side of 50, give it time and soon you will reach the right side and join us older than 50. 🙂

Back when I had the depressive thoughts regarding end my pains, I then thought about transference ... where the pain is not actually ended, rather it is transferred from myself to my friends and my family. But anytime you're get ideas of 'putting an end to things' as you have put it, please reach out for help. Either by posting here or ringing the BB hotline on 1300224636.

Sometimes, some partners can be a bit tricky, as they still see the person they originally fell in love with, and may not necessarily see the person that is before them today. Sometimes it helps to help our partners come to the realization of what its all about on their own. We cannot force them to understand, but we can place some flyers or brochures about our ailments in places where they are likely to read them (e.g. in the loo)

Like CMF says, it's important to keep ourselves occupied. Having our minds focused on an activity helps keep it from wandering down paths we'd rather not travel. When I first started out, I found that reading through these BB forums and endeavoring to help out other people ... kept me from thinking about my own woes. The age old saying of "the easiest way to forget about your woes is to listen to someone else's," proved true for me.

Write again soon, let us know how you are doing.
SB

[CMF]

Hi again Taurus,

SB mentioned something that reminded me of what helped me..."transference"...in the way of writing.

writing your thought and feelings down helps get them off your mind. Transfer them from your mind to the paper. You can keep it or not throw it away.

it really does help get those thoughts out of your head.

cmf x

[Guest_9809]

Hello Can't move forward, and thankyou for your response to my post.

Yes it is hard when my partner doesnt seem to understand, nor care about the way I am or the way I feel. I dont have much of a support system outside of my psych and GP. I have family who live some distance away and dont wish to involve any of them in my own issues. They have enough of their own I figure. I have very few friends either, so I do often feel as though I am battling my own demons entirely alone. And my husband is also away a lot, which probably doesnt help either.

However I do think I am doing all the right things to help overcome my depression and anxiety. This is at the instigation of my psych, who has been amazingly since I first started seeing her. Yes I do try to practice some mindfulness and have read a book that my psych lent me on the subject. Still trying to really get the hang of it though - it's really difficult! Dont you think?

I have also recently started trying to teach myself sketching. Its kind of fun, even though I dont think I'll ever be much good at it. I do find that I get very involved in it. Perhaps its a good mindfulness routine? And I also do a little bit of writing - mainly just rubbish, but occasionally it involves into a bit of poetry, which isnt overly bad. You are right that it can help to write things down, to transfer from head to paper. If only I could learn to let it all go from there.

I try to force myself to take my dog Tammie for a walk at least once or twice a week. Its just hard to find the motivation sometimes, and I seem to always look for reasons not to go - too hot, too cold, too windy, no time. Tammie is my constant company day in and day out. I dont know what I'd do without her to be honest. She is just a 'bitza', a bit of this and a bit of that. Basically some sort of small terrier would be the best way to describe her. So I know she needs her walks, and thats the only reason I really bother. Even though I know its good for me as well.

Taurus

[Guest_9809]

Hi SubduedBlues.

Ha ha, very funny! I am already past 50 ... in fact 52, so I am already there. You reckon thats the 'right' side of 50? Perhaps you're right, and I should start to think of it that way too. (:

Anyway thankyou for taking the time to respond to my post.

Yes I have called helplines in the past when my thoughts got bad enough that they really started to fighten me. I know that these helplines are available now and will call on them if ever needed again. Of course my hope is that they wont be needed.

My partner is tricky indeed. He is a very self centred man, and nobody is as important as he himself. He is very difficult to talk to at any time. Plus he is an alcoholic and can be very volatile. So I guess I gave up talking to him about anything personal like mental health, a long time ago. I guess you could say that we both have our own individual issues and we tend to just 'butt heads'. He is actually a big reader in the 'loo' so that was a good suggestion to put info in there for him to read. I will try.

As I told Can't move forward above, I am trying to take up some hobbies. And quite enjoying them as well. The art is only a recent thing, and I hope that I may find it therapeutic in the longer term. Even though my very poor finished products may never see the light of day.

You are so right about the forums providing a place to see just how lucky we really are. There is always someone else far worse off than myself, I know that. And perhaps once I get to know a few people here then I may be able to start offering some support to them as well. I hope so anyway.

As to how I am right now? Middling I'd say. Certainly not at the really low point that I sometimes get. But not where I'd like to be either. I am struggling with sleep which impacts on my work (only part time thankfully) as well as on my relationship with my partner. I guess I just dont have the resolve or patience to put up with his antics when I am feeling pretty low and dead-tired myself. I'm working on it though.

Taurus

[Wilma1]

Hi Taurus, I looked around and found you. As you have read my post you will know I had an alcoholic mother. It's a very difficult situation to live in especially as you are not well yourself. I also had a husband who didn't understand, and was also only interested in himself. You have it hard. Your GP and psych sound really supportive.

I like the sound of you sketching. I can't draw, I do cross stitch, and I'm making cards with pressed flowers at the moment. Blues Clues has been telling me about her adult colouring in, and if you look at her posts pic, you can see some she has done. Just a thought.

I understand your lack of motivation. I have to talk myself into it most days and one look from Maggie usually gets me out the door.

I don't have suggestion as I'm trying different things myself, but the things the others have mentioned sound good.

I will drop by again if that's ok. All the very best. Wishful. I know how important it is to hear from people here on the forum.

[Guest_9809]

Oh hi there Wishful .. you found me! I'm glad. And thankyou for caring enough to look for me in the first place.

Yeah the sketching is still a very new thing for me and I am pretty hopeless at it. But I find that it really draws me in and definitely takes my mind off other things, even if only for a short time.

I dont think Tammie approves too much though. She will sometimes come up to me and tap me on the knee, trying to get my attention. She's quite a funny little thing. Tammie wasnt a rescue dog, but I did get her when she was about 4 months old. A school teacher from a nearby small town had her before me. But she was finding that she just couldnt devote enough time to her, and to be fair to Tammie she was looking for a new home for her. She had been well cared for though and I was very happy to take her on. Certainly wouldnt give her back!

I have never done cross stitch, but I have seen some and it looks lovely. Wow, cards with pressed flowers sounds like a great idea. Where do you get all your flowers? Do you have a good garden, or someone else nearby who does?

Wishful I am sorry you grew up with an alcoholic mother, and all the other things in your life that you have had to endure. But I guess the best way of looking at it, is that we cant change the past. The only thing we do have some control over is the future. So here's hoping we can both make that future better than the past has been.

Yes of course ...... please drop in anytime, I would really appreciate that. Thankyou Wishful. xx

[Wilma1]

Morning Taurus, I don't have a big garden, a very small one really. I have grown a lot of pansies that are excellent for pressing. I also keep an eye out for some weeds that make great pressing. I don't do much, but have found people really like them. If you have an old phone book, you can press your own if you're interested, just put a paver on top for pressure.

Your little Tammie sounds like Maggie, she likes to have my full attention. She pushes her little head up under whatever I'm doing. She's a chihuahua, I don't think I told you that.

Not sure if you're off to work today or not, but I hope you have a good day. Wishful

[Kazzl]

Hi Taurus, saw you on Wishful's thread and thought I'd pop over and say hi and a very big welcome! I too am on the right side of 50 (nice one SB 😄). I'm 53.

It's great to read how you're taking care of yourself hun and that you have a good psych. Sorry to read about your husband, that's a very difficult situation. As a now sober (5 years) alcoholic I can say to you that only he can make a decision to change. No one else can do it for him. People can help, but we must choose to change ourselves. I'm saying this in case you feel in any way responsible for him or his drinking. You're not.

Keeping looking after you hun. It's lovely to have you here and I look forward to chatting more.

Cheers

Kaz