My dark thoughts are getting worse

[Evoleht95]

Hi everyone,

I have been suffering from anxiety and Depression for many many years, and it was only a month ago that my partner helped me to reach out and get help.

I feel as though i am holding back tears about 70% of the time. I am constantly tired, lethargic and have absolutely no motivation whatsoever.

I work 4 days a week, school part time 2 nights a week after work and on my Mondays i tend to be taking my grandfather shopping, to appointments, ETC.

I have been getting extremely anxious before work, to the point now where my anxiety causes me to throw up. I just don't like the type of work i do (debts) especially when customers are talking about their situations and their own mental health, most times i can barely keep it together on the phone.

I don't want to be at this job anymore, id really like to just take things one step at a time, so that i am not so busy all the time, and can focus on getting my physical health back on track. My self esteem is so low i actually avoid reflections of myself, and my weight gain has not helped.

HOWEVER, my work has been so understanding with all my time off, I feel as though leaving would be throwing away a good thing 😕 i definitely cant afford not to work, especially with my study. And some days i have extreme clarity and i wonder if maybe i am just lazy, or letting it get to me too much?

anyway i could go on for days but if anyone else has been in a similar situation or has any advise or help let me know. I really really need it. ❤️

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Evoleht,

You sound so exhausted, drained and overwhelmed with everything. I’m glad your partner has been so supportive.

I feel you have so many responsibilities and commitments. No wonder you’re feeling run down, and that’s in addition to your years of depression and anxiety.

I think it’s often a difficult act to juggle work and trying to maintain our physical and mental health as well. I feel for the stress you’re under...

I wonder if maybe it would help to reconsider some of your commitments or your current schedule. For example, I wonder if it’s possible to work one day (or even a half-day) less each week although I’m not sure if that would be financially viable for you. Alternatively, is there any chance you could try to see if you can work in another department (i.e. not debts) at your current workplace? Perhaps those are things you might like to consider (only if you want to).

I’m glad you reached out here to share some of your struggles. Hopefully we hear from you again as we would love to support you. That being said, there’s no pressure, only write if you feel up to it.

Kind thoughts,

Pepper

[Scout28]

Hi Evoleht95

I can definitely relate to your situation. I am only new to these forums (just put my first post on yesterday) and I don't want to pretend I have any answers. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone on this road.

Keeping on putting one foot in front of the other.

From a fellow traveller.

Scout28

[blueskye]

Hi Evoleht95,

I used to be in the similar situation to you - In a week, I worked 28 hours + volunteered 15 hours... it was hectic to juggle that with uni, my social life and me-time.

You may be surprised that you qualify for other jobs that pay similar rates and actually enjoy better. My previous workplace had great pay. I was not happy though because one of the team leaders bullied us, including me (a story for another time).

You are definitely not lazy. I have cried a few times because of work. Now, I'm working somewhere else that is completely different, from call centre to the library.

I'm also working less hours. I'm a student too and have bills to pay as well. I thought I wouldn't manage but then I realised I spent a lot of money on things I didn't need and working less is totally fine.

To balance things out, aim to spend less on things you "want." I used to spend a lot on eBay and clothes but now I limit myself. Try to eat out less and less partying if you do that. It's amazing how much you save by just spending less and budgeting!

Hope it works out... ❤️

[Evoleht95]

Thank you so much for your responses. I have not been on in a while, just been so busy and stressed.

I have spoken with work and dropped back to 3 days a week. which started this week. I think it will be good, it spaces out my week and gives me more time to get in with my psych. Though after speaking with work about what i am going through i feel like they are really over my shoulder now almost micro managing. it supposed to be helpful but it just feels so much more stressful. I feel like their patience with me is starting to wear thin as well.

I'm really quite stressed about this all still and haven't been able to talk with my psych for 3 weeks. I feel like my partner is starting to suffer as well, and i'm worried that it is partly my fault...

I have been thinking a lot recently about changing my work. I feel like my health is the most important thing right now but I am still really stressed about finances. i am trying to save to move out with my partner so that we actually have some privacy (as i said above i'm 23 and share with the 16 yr old in a bungalow - no doors though just a curtain - also the 11 yr old has her own room the biggest in the house !!??)

any way i am trying one by one to change and "fix" little things that i can to make life a little easier to bear,

thanks again for the responses, its refreshing to speak with some people that have or are going through similar feelings and situations as myself. It's a small comfort to know that others have survived and so can I.. (just a matter of convincing my brain that) 🙂