Missing connection

[TheRealMel]

Hi, I’m new but old, forever playing a role with no connection. Depression has been my partner for 25 years but not always my master, though sometimes my demon. I’m fine, but not, empty, but full. I cope in many ways, but I don’t, I hide from life, but live day to day. My new friend is anxiety, for a few years now. It’s hard, I cope, but I’m not, I’m a shadow in life. Wish I was free to thrive, enjoy, be free of worry and despair, my silent companions, that I’ve learned not to share. Wish I was like others that can connect openly and make friends. I have too many secrets and am not the same. I have skills but not relationships. I can’t play the game or genuinely connect. I’m different but not in a good way. I’ve been marooned for so long I know it won’t end. The monotony of life, it’s an awful secret.

[geoff]

Hello TRM, and a warm welcome to you, and I'm old and have been on the site for a long time, so I'm old and thanks for posting your comment.

Social anxiety can be overcome by therapy, and it happens when you worry you’ll embarrass yourself and that others will judge you or you avoid social situations because they make you feel anxious.

You're gifted, want to connect with others and free to be able to express yourself, but you can't be critical and hard on yourself, that's just like losing the key to the front door, you can't get in.

Find something that someone else likes and when you feel comfortable, be open to spending more time together, it just has to one person and only has to be for a short time and then build up the time together.

If you find yourself still feeling uncomfortable, think to yourself and take a step back to figure out why then write this down on a piece of paper and all your other thoughts that worry you and take this to your doctor.

Are you able to get back to us, I'd like to know a little more about you.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[therising]

Hi TheRealMel

I feel for you so much. I can hear both the disappointment and tiredness in your words. Remaining a warrior in the battle against your own mind can definitely be a truly exhausting experience in so many ways, especially when the battle has been going on for so long.

Personally, my battle with depression lasted about 15 years before finally coming to end. During those years of experimenting with an array of anti-depressants and seeing a counselor and a psychiatrist, I believed the battle would never end. I would never have believed that group therapy of all things would be the thing to release me from my battle. Being a shy person with an inability to make significant connections during my depression, this was a concept way outside my comfort zone.

The reason for me mentioning group therapy involves the idea that making connections with others isn't always cut and dry. Some folk will have an exclusive social circle down the pub Friday nights over a drink or 2. Some circles involve long time friends we went to school with. Some friendship circles will simply involve the connections found within family (with no deep friendships beyond that). At the end of the day, relationships all come down to how we relate and what we relate to. It's definitely hard to relate to people who don't experience the challenges of mental dis-ease. After experiencing years of emotional isolation during my depression, I found the folk in my group therapy sessions completely relatable. We all felt 'normal' for a change, every time we met up. Strange as it may sound, we even found ourselves laughing with each other on occasion, whilst relating to the quirky aspects in regard to how 'dysfunctional' we were. We all experienced incredible respect for each other, given the degree of pain and endurance experienced with psychological challenge. With positive relationships often reflecting the truth in regard to who we are in life, in each other we saw the reflection of someone who deserved respect, understanding, compassion and freedom.

I'm glad you have come here to make connections with people who are longing for you to find your freedom as much as you are. Here is one of those places where you will be embraced with respect, understanding and compassion.

My heart and mind remain open as I welcome you in friendship TheRealMel.

[TheRealMel]

Thank you Geoff, appreciate your reply.

[TheRealMel]

Thank you therising, really appreciate your thoughtful reply. It’s wonderful to have your response and to have two caring people take the time to give me some well thought out ideas is something special. Group therapy, maybe one day, I did 16 months solo counseling recently which is a big deal for me, having never had more than one session and returned. It’s comforting to hear of suggestions and I’m actually hopeful that it’s more about my perceptions than reality..,,oh those negative thoughts that trap me into my silo. Thank you!

[TheRealMel]

Thanks again Geoff, I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and invited another mum over with her child for a play and afternoon tea this weekend, after putting aside the initial invite for months. The trouble is once or twice is fine, but sooner or later I get fearful and can’t sustain the connection, still I’m looking forward to it. Thanks for the inspiration, appreciated.