Lost. Trapped. Burned Out. I don't know what to do at this point... help :)

ColorizedDreams

Hello everyone!

This is going to be my first time using BeyondBlue because I badly needed some advice or some helpful support. While the webchats are really useful, it'll take forever for me to get to my point so I'll just share it here.

Long story short, my life is currently a mess (you can tell by the story that I'm about to tell below) and I am burned out at work... and I just want to get out and do a reset.

The first two months of the year are highly chaotic. Lots of things suddenly coming in all at once and it includes some competing priorities that needed to get done and here I am trying my best to get through all of them, but the workload is just too much to do for one person alone... and I've been doing this for 3 years.

The start of this year, I've had like a few mental breakdowns at work, even to the point where it just spilled and just cried instantly in front of my boss (which I still feel embarrassed about - but still appreciate them for being so supportive and empathetic)... because I am just at my limit at this point and I just feel like I've let everyone down because I've either missed the task that I'm meant to be doing or I am just bad at my job.

I had one weekend where I was reevaluating my life choices and I just really don't see myself/want to be in this job any longer.

And today, I just feel mentally checked out. I still went to work and do the duties as normal, but I just feel... out of it. I feel like a robot at this point (It was a long weekend here in my state and I was truly fine during those days, but Monday night came along and got the 'scaries' and felt a sense of "UGH, I don't want to go to work, but I have to go to work because there's so much to do").

I've tried everything at this point: talking to someone, de-stressing, removing work related apps to any visible areas on my laptop (but not uninstalling - this will trigger me to check emails, which I have a bad habit of), but 90% of the time, I am still feeling on edge, numb, still not okay at this point.

Right now, I'm just slowly transitioning my way out of my current role (i.e. updating resume and LinkedIn, start looking for jobs, etc. – note I am doing this on my days off and after hours) but now I just wanted to back out on this idea and quit overall and just evaluate my life and just start working again whenever I am ready (though the financial part is my only concern if the second plan happens).

I just don't know what to do at this point. It would mean the world to me if anyone could help or offer some advice to navigate this whole thing.

(See how messy it is?)

Guest_23527107

If possible I’d suggest taking some leave. If you have any annual leave use it, if you can afford a week of unpaid leave or you can also apply for a week of stress leave. Just take a full step back, deep breath and then write out what are the specific things happening at work that are making you not want to be there. That can help direct whether you want to stay and find a path to enjoying work or whether you might want to pivot into something else. There is always a pathway out of feeling stressed and overwhelmed even if it doesn’t feel like it right now.

Boundaries are also really important at work. It helps to truely understand what is a you thing to do and what isn’t. I know it is super hard but trying to set these and stick to them can ease work pressure and overall work stress and improve your work through ensuring delegation is happening correctly. Are you potentially taking on things that you don’t need to?

When this happened to me I had a sticky note and constantly reminded myself

’You only have two hands and can only do what you can do.

Forget the what is next and focus on the completing what is right in front of you and then you can pick up the next thing after that. You can’t work harder or quicker because it isn’t helpful. You can only work one step and one thing at a time.

Not sure it helps but you aren’t alone in feeling like this and it sounds like a good time for a break and a pros and cons list.

ColorizedDreams

Hello, thank you so much for your help.

Yes, since being in this role, I thought that I'm just going to do the core skillset that I'm about to do. Note that this is my first ever job after I graduated at uni, so I am completely clueless of what this job brings. But as the years went on, I'm basically taking over tasks that is beyond my skillsets and my job scope.

My boss is fully aware about this and my colleagues are a great help in trying to ease my workload (note that we are a small team of 3-4 people... all with different skillsets) – but even in doing this and clearly setting some boundaries of what I really wanted to do, I still have this internal guilt of like handing over these to them and I felt like I've put on more tasks on them and I still feel like they're going to be mad/disappointed at me because "that's should've been my job" (that's just my internal monologue).

Again, as I've mentioned earlier, I've already did some thinking and realised that this is role is certainly not the right fit for me. I know that it's a misalignment.

I'm a very creative person and I truly thrive on doing such creative things. This role has taught me a lot of admin roles/skillsets which I haven't got experience before and would be a great "springboard" to so many things, but now I've fully got the hang of it, I just want to put a stop on it because while I enjoy having the skillsets... I am at a point now where I am just get tired of doing this and wanting to just focus on either doing something very creative (does that make sense??) or just take the time to personally grow.

TurnandWake

Heya, I don't think what you are going through is messy, I think we all go through that. You say your work load is really for 3 people but you are doing it alone. Can you discuss this with your work? Are your duties in a policy and procedure manuel somewhere? If not and they expect more of you than you can give. (And this is only my humble advice on limited info - not knowing your situation), Then I reakon, you should way up: What are your financial requirements. What work would make you happy - And I recommend you do this thinking outdoors....In nature. because I find there are other underlining things that come to me when your outdoors, and I get more clarity. Hope this helps. Good luck