Lost on Planet Earth

[Infinite_Faith]

HI,

When you think about the universe the size of it....one has to sit back astonished. Compare that with Earth or ourselves and I don't know about you but I feel small. Tiny really, possibly insignificant. I mention this because sometimes when I think about depression and the vastness of the universe, something goes off in my head. I think it might be that when I'm feeling the depression, I equate that with my worthlessness in comparison to the universe. I also get angry and frustrated about life and death because I don't understand its purpose. When I don't undersand its purpose, what's the point? You are only going to die anyway right?

I undersand this is not generally healthy thinking. It's probably not something Paris Hilton would ponder (or does she?) I would like to know what all this planet earth deal is all about? But no one knows.....and that annoys me. Purpose, purpose purpose, isn't that important? Isn't that what we are really doing, living not knowing the purpose? The answer of course is yes, no one knows. Just get on with it. Distract yourself and don't think about purpose. (Well unless you might like to go the higher power route...which I don't)

If there was a higher power, we might see 'it' at work as least once. Is it to much to ask for one miracle (Per week :P) Feed the starving? Heal the Mentally Ill?

I'm not sure why I came to this forum. I can't think of any questions. Maybe just typing out ones thoughts could help. (I am half expecting this to be rejected...probably breaching some forum rules.....I read them, I promise :))

Maybe I might make a friend. Thats something I don't have. When I was a kid, I never thought about friends, I guess I was focused on my instrument playing, but now as I am older, I miss not having a close friend. Though I could never keep them when I was drinking, which I quit about 3 years ago. (Along with smoking) That's the other thing, what did I do that for....hey, I'm depressed, that just increases my life expectancy. 😛 (Proves I'm mental)

I mention friends because I have been doing some reading and it seems (and I will let the pro's take over here) that maintaining friendships and family relations are probably one of the most important things in life. Hey, no one ever told me that. Besides my famiily is a mess.....and there is little hope of a happy family reunion. (But you can pick your friends right?)

Something I have to working on, finding friends.

Thanks IF

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi Rose,

How nice of you giving your collection away and as you say, it can be difficult as these are and have been treasured. I'm sure there is a lot I can give away to op-shops. Talking about Teddy Bears, there was one sitting on the side of the road the other day. Well he wasn't sitting really, more so, someone sat him there. I pulled over in my ute and said, I just found a bff 🙂 He is currently sitting in the passenger seat. (With his seat belt on) Just in case. haha 🙂 I was thinking of naming him but maybe, I'm taking the whole Teddy bear thing a little serious after all, who drives around with a Teddy bear in the passenger seat (with no name) for a best friend?

Well I do at the moment.

Ted is such a plain name. I need a name that reflects my manhood. When the ladies see me coming with Ted.......what can I say, I will be popular. 🙂

IF (Has mental health issues)

[Starwolf]

As a woman, I'd be inclined to see you as an attractive sensitive type.. mental health issues or not.

No flirting intended...I'm asexual, aromantic 🙂

[Gazzas]

@IF

I say many things and a moment later have no idea what I was talking about, but I do understand what you are saying, only the vastness of the universe could also be a comforting thing, when you feel saddened by your smallness and insignificance in the world, also know that the world is small and insignificant in relation to the universe.

You're saying you prefer the clutter to living free on the streets right? I was reading something the other day that finding something to be grateful for makes you feel good. I tried it and I think it's true.

@Whiterose: That makes sense & I apologise. I did read the rules, did not intend to break them. I'm new here :).

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi Gazzas,

I'm glad that you somewhat understood what I was originally writting about. To be honest, when I read it back I think..."I have no Idea what that means", so best not go there again . (Its just to vast haha)

I see you have been reprimanded by (Dramatic Music) White Rose! She's swift and amazingly accurate. (I don't know what that means haha) I'm kidding. 🙂

Yes of course I prefer clutter than living on the streets. But isnt that a bit like saying "sure I prefer Rodeo, but this machanical Bull will do just fine" (And what if the streets are cluttered?)

Just because you have a sore finger, you don't compare it to having no finger? (Or do you) You see what you've done. You've gone and made me think. haha.

I'll probably be back.

IF 🙂

[Infinite_Faith]

....seriously though, as you typed, You're saying you prefer the clutter to living free on the streets
right? I was reading something the other day that finding something to
be grateful for makes you feel good. I tried it and I think it's true.

I couldn't agree more.

IF

[Gazzas]

Hey IF,

You're right of course- stress, pain, whatever is not diminished by thinking of something that would supposedly be worse. Just so you know I didn't intend to diminish what you have been through. I never knew someone who lived on the streets. I was curious. I'm very lucky I never have been homeless although I sometimes fearfully wonder if that's how I'll end up.

[Infinite_Faith]

Hi Gazzas,

No offense taken, I didn't think you diminishing my suffering. (Sounds funny) No my street life was only short a few weeks at the time. I was 15, and my 2 younger brothers were with me. My dad was staying in a Hotel would you believe. (We were under his care) Our parents had split due to his drinking problem some months earlier, we were living on the bread line (standard operating proceeds) before we get vacated out of any residence due to neighbour complaints. (Or we don't pay the rent) My father was LOUD and SCARY when he drank. Quiet as a church mouse sober. He grew up in a pretty violent place, so thats all he knew. How to use your fists.

IF

[Gazzas]

Hey IF,

I'm really sorry you went through that. I mean I am from a dysfunctional and broken family too which continues to bring me a lot of pain, but I did not have an abusive father like that. I do not understand too much about alcoholism but I have become an alcoholic myself. I know my dad felt trapped with nowhere to turn. I try to think of my parents upbringing as well and understand why they are the way they are. It is so complicated all this stuff, but there is a lot to be said for education and understanding. That is what I believe in now.

The past couple of days I have been walking to the park and staring up at the trees, watching the birds. And although it would seem normal to say I am alone, I don't feel alone. I feel more alone when surrounded by people. I'm not sure what that means and is not really relevant to our discussion, but just wanted to throw that in 🙂

[White_Rose]

Hello Gazzas

Is your name a contraction or a nickname or a reference to somewhere you've been, any other option? Unusual names are interesting and I understand they can say a lot about their owner. Well maybe, but not to me.

My comments were not intended to reprimand you. Often people do not realise this is not a place to swop contact details. I hope I'm forgiven. Mind you, I like IF's comment, "I see you have been reprimanded by (Dramatic Music) White Rose! She's swift and amazingly accurate". Swift and accurate? That's a lot to live up to.

It's sad you have become an alcoholic. May I point you to the thread Battling the Booze which you can find on the Long Term forum. Kazzl started this thread some time ago as you can see by the number of posts. You will get a lot of support here to help you get off the booze if you want to take a look. Kaz is away at the moment but will be back soon and meanwhile the other folk posting will chat with you.

I understand what you mean walking in the park and looking up at the trees, feeling part of the scenery. It really is fantastic and can bring comfort and safety in a way human contact cannot. I need time on my own every day if I am to function well. Meditation in the morning, sitting in the garden later in the day (depending on the weather, Brisbane's weather is horrible at the moment). If I have someone around constantly I feel completely overwhelmed.

I think it means you have a spiritual nature, not necessarily religious, and need some solitude to recharge and sooth the inner person. While my volunteer work is often in the company of others, it only works because I take time to nourish my inner self. For me that is crucial in managing my mental health. I fall in a heap without it.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello IF

I too am sad that you had such dysfunctional and scary childhood. It's hardly surprising you grew up with so many questions. At 15 living on the streets and caring for two younger brothers is hard. I'm glad your stay was short. It's interesting you acknowledge the influence on you of your parents upbringing. I find most people stop at talking about how their parents treated them. So often it is a case that parents knew of no other way.When I was involved in my church's Emergency Relief program I met many who had a family history of being unemployed, often going back several generations.

How do you help people who have little idea of going to work, no yardstick to measure their behaviour and yet expect them to be model parents. This is the sort of thing that makes me cranky.

Do you know that AA have programs for families who have been affected by a parent's alcoholism. If there isn't one near you try asking Mr Google but don't take his word alone. I believe you will find yourself in the company of many people who have been where you are now. I hope that your writings here are giving you some to talk about openly. Please feel free to raise anything you need to be.

Work Hard at getting well again, it is such a fabulous place to be.

Mary