Long hard struggle

[3011]

Hi folks- I've been battling depression off and on since my twenties, maybe earlier. Going through a really rough one at the moment...I'm almost 57, and feeling really insecure about my future financially- lots of things really...just thought I'd dip a toe in the water and say hi.

[Croix]

Dear 3011~

Welcome here to the Forum, there are many here in your age bracket who have been experiencing depression and or anxiety on and off for long periods. Actually many approaching 60 have financial hassles, and it is the nature of the illness that worry in one area sets up worries in other areas of life too.

While addressing the illness will not make your financial future better straight away I guess it will help you do deal with it, and have that much better a life in the meantime. Excessive worry and hopelessness simply drag you down and your life really does need to be better.

Do you mind if I ask if you are under any form of treatment at the moment? If you are it might be an idea to see your doctor and explain the increased pressures and your reactions at the moment. Perhaps increased therapy or a change to your meds might be at least a partial answer.

Of course if you are not being treated I'd strongly suggest seeing your GP in a long consultation and setting out exactly how you feel, see where that leads. I could not have even started to improve without medical help.

My family, particularly my partner, became a very great support. I had initially not wanted to say anything, however as my illness progressed it became very obvious I was ill. My partner was a lot stronger than I thought anyone could be and lifted a lot of weight off my shoulders.

Do you have anyone in your life, family or friend, to talk frankly with, who will understand and care?

You might like to have a browse around this Forum to see how others in your situation have coped.

Please feel free to talk here as much as you would like.

Croix

[3011]

Thanks Croix for your reply, I am seeing a therapist once a week and am on antidepressants. Am thinking about changing my meds, but it just seems so daunting...Being single has also been a big issue for me- my confidence has been deeply dented- and am relentlessly punishing myself (both a cause and a symptom of my experience maybe).

I have family who have been supportive- particularly a sister, but who will be leaving to live in Sweden. Also, my parents are getting older and frailer, and I feel alot of guilt about my illness in relation to them. My social life has dropped off significantly- but I know I will have to get back out there. With finances, I just feel vulnerable- doing temporary teaching work, and renting an old house- wondering if it will be sold out from under me...Anyway, that sounds like a whinge- but this depression seems to amplify everything. Nice to make contact here though. Thanks again...

[Croix]

Dear 3011~

Thank you for coming back and saying more. Depression acts - as you would well know - as a sort of magnifying lens making every obstacle seem impossible to beat, with hopelessness just taking over. That's one reason why getting it under control is so important. Acting when in that skewed frame of mind can lead to disaster.

I agree changing one's meds is a daunting thing. There is the tailing off then the time for the new lot to take effect. If you have discussed it with your doctor and can be supervised during the changeover for ill effects then it can lead possibly to big improvements. Unfortunately there is a lot of trial and error - I wish there wasn't. I went though an awful lot of different types and dosages to get to the good regime I have now.

Parents - well loving ones anyway - spend a lifetime caring about their children and can feel pretty good about helping along the way. Your guilt is very probably misplaced. If you did not confide and rely upon them they would probably be the ones feeling guilty.

Good for you - getting your social life back on track. Your age in no way prohibits you from entering into a loving and successful partnership, in fact the hard part is being able to link up with one of the many people out there that want the same thing.

With modern communications -Skype and so on - I'm sure you know you can maintain some sort of contact with your sister, it would not be a complete break.

I would hope with a change in meds your confidence will start to return. We would very much like to know how you get on

Croix

[meercat]

Hi 3011. Welcome from meercat. Im 64. Iv known i have bipolar for 43 years and still i get highs and lows. I hid in my burrow sleeping for 3 weeks early august. My diet was affecting my meds.

I joined BB forums recently. with the members' help iv "finally told my husband, neighbour and Dad i have bp and how it affects me.

I too was single 7 years ago living in a tiny flat..it was so old and run down.

I know what its like to have little money. I had no money or job, no friends or family. Id lost my new house, new car, money, business and lots of weight!

Gradually i clawed my way back. my neighbour is my new bp buddy ..someone to talk to and my husband doesnt wonder why im up one day and down the other.

I used to go to the markets on the weekend just to be amongst people. Im now enjoying dancing lessons at the local club they only cost $6 and fun way to keep fit.

Cheers

meercat xx

[3011]

Thanks guys, its important to hang on to hope I know. But really tough at the moment.

Today, after four days away from work having a really bad morning with depression and anxiety- work quite stressful the way i've been feeling too. Wonder when it will change. Fatigue just really gets me at the moment. I'm glad meercat that your life has turned around...I just seem to lose my willpower very easily.

Worried about being too unwell to work when my current job ends, etc- my future. Alot of worry mixed up in this experience. Croix what you said about the magnifying effect of depression...so true- but difficult to budge.

Also, really appreciate your compassionate wisdom guys...

[50yearoldguy]

Hi 3011, I'm a newbie here too, but not to our all too common story. I'm 50, newly married and on paper "life looks good". Yet I can't overcome my anxiety and depression. I live a life of fear and remorse... And have been here before. Let both get back to the present. I wish you well 3011.

[Croix]

Dear 3011 (with a wave to 50yearoldguy)~

Trying to lessen depression so you see hings as they really are - not impossible mountains - is partly a matter of meds and therapy, and I guess you are getting those in hand.

It's also partly how you organize and do things. for example it is very easy to set yourself up for failure, and when it happens it just reinforces the bad feelings. The up-side is the opposite is true too. If you set yourself goals you can reach -no matter how small- you get feelings of accomplishment.

It is important not to apply the same standards as when you are well and not in the grip of depression or anxiety, it's not the same.

An example for some people is getting up out of bed. By normal standards this is not even worth thinking about, but when ill with depression or anxiety it can be almost impossible. Getting out of bed in those circumstances is a cause for genuine self-congratulation.

You know you, and can best judge what you should aim for, please don't make targets too hard, as I said normal standards do NOT apply. Use a self reward system (chocolate, cup of tea ... you pick). This leads on to:-

The other thing is to structure your life in such a way you have pleasant distractions regularly. I read, watch movies, have pets, go for a walk. This is not being self-indulgent, it is therapy. It tends to do two things, firstly takes your mind off everyday life and all the hassles you might be facing -a small reprieve. Secondly it tells your mind you are worth the nice things in life, you deserve them just as much as anyone else in the world.

There is in fact a fair bit more to it all, from avoiding things that set one off to a healthy lifestyle, however the two I've just mentioned are not always obvious when trying to feel better.

There's a fair bit in the Forum, try:

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

there is a similar one for depression, that first one is a bit long, but worth the effort.

I hope this is of some help, please ask anything you would like.

Croix

[Croix]

Dear 50yearoldguy~
Welcome here to the Forum. I guess the above might be of interest to you too. I notice you have only posted once, and that is here in this thread. Now while that is perfectly fine I'd like to suggest you could also make your own thread, perhaps in the Depression or Anxiety Sections of this Forum.

There are advantages and it is not a hard thing to do. You will attract a fresh set of people to talk with you (particularly if you use a meaningful thread name) and your details will be all together.

Thanks

Croix

[3011]

I wish you well too 50yearoldguy, from the bottom of my heart!