Lonely, depressed, broke, and hopeless

[D-pad]

Hi, I'm Dan, and I have Asperger's Syndrome. I'm 30, and I look at my life and see a lot of failure, to get work and to find love especially, mistakes made, friendships severed, that sort of thing happens a lot to me (more from me to them, rather).

I've just moved out of home for the first time, earlier this year, and while the board's cheap (minding the place for relatives) I'm still finding myself broke a few days before pay day way too often. I have trouble finding work, and trouble making new friends, and I've only ever had one girlfriend, for a month ten years ago (I won't talk about her though, too much negative there).

People don't invite me to much, and very few people ever actually turn up to my events or come visit. I was bullied a lot in school, and didn't know any girls then, not really. That's carried over to adult life, and it's hard to get dates when you're unemployed and can't really afford nice clothes and the psychological care I need... with the lack of confidence, and no idea how to go about gaining it, I don't know how to overcome the fear of meeting new people. Specifically, in being the first to speak. If someone speaks to me, I'm fine, but when I have to do it, I freeze up. If it's anything more than buying something, I won't do it unless they start first. That applies to everyone, not just women. I used to be a bit better, but age and a lack of life successes has diminished my confidence in all matters.

My condition means chronic depression and constant frustration, insomnia, and I've been on medication for both for years. Both of those mean I put on weight. I have dark circles under my eyes, not sure what causes them, and I hate them. Going to the gym is pretty hard when bills are more important.

I'm a writer, and I'm self-publishing because I don't feel my work would get traditionally published. I have hard marginal success so far, if a lot of free copies means success...

[white knight]

Hi D pad..welcome

Firstly getting anything published is near impossible. Tried that myself do don't let your confidence slip over something out of your control.

There is an old saying "you won't get anywhere without hard work" but....if you can't find the work.? And along with that hurdle you have your mental problems to contend with. I think you are being too hard on yourself.

Try not to compare yourself with others. Some have houses as they have two high incomes, inherited money, luck, even have the nature if a saver. We can't all save money easily.

You are self critical over simple common flaws like circles under your eyes. Yet everyone on this planet has flaws. Can you google

"Topic: low self esteem- beyondblue"

Couples rarely invite singles to dinner. And most friends your age do have partners. Add to this the fact that couples often meet at their workplace and you can see logically why you are still alone.

Finally, society is making meeting someone harder. Ballroom dancing has been replaced by internet dating. So give it a go. And join volleyball or badminton etc.

Good luck

Tony WK

[Guest_322]

Hi,

I think Tony had some very encouraging words for you 😊 I second that maybe you're being too hard on yourself- you deserve more credit than you're giving yourself.

[Nickname_65BD5CCF-CA54-46]

I don't know how to overcome the fear of meeting new people.
Specifically, in being the first to speak. If someone speaks to me, I'm
fine, but when I have to do it, I freeze up. If it's anything more than
buying something, I won't do it unless they start first. That applies to
everyone, not just women. I used to be a bit better, but age and a lack
of life successes has diminished my confidence in all matters.

If you live in a city you might want to try a board game cafe or community. You can listen to the rules explained to you, letting someone else talk first for your comfort, but you'll hopefully get more relaxed as the games go along. Talking about the game is an easy small talk situation that won't require much mental stress.

A film or book club should work in similar ways. Bills are hard, but there should be free clubs at libraries and such.

[mike1uz]

Hey Dan,im sure many of us can relate to everything you said,i sure know I can. The dark circles was an interesting thing,i suffer from the same! I have no idea why either,medication? -staying up all night? I just don't know.