Living with someone who has anxiety and depression

[radish58]

Hello,

I am a 67 year old retired man. I sold my business 18 months ag9.

My partner of almost 45 years broke her knee while evacuating a friend's home...ceiling collapsed.

My partner has had anxiety for a number of years after I would say a workplace incident. 

She is now in recovery. 

1 week after her accident her eldest daughter gave birth to our 3rd grandchild. We were to look after her son during her hospital stay.  My wife's injury made that not possible.  While family stepped up,  she was nonetheless upset. Her anxiety from what she went through peaked and to her credit sort medical help.

Our other daughter just gave birth to her 2nd child and our 4th grandchild. We were meant to look after her son during the hospital  stay, her injury didn't allow for this, so our other daughter stepped up, that was until the day before the birth, she and her family came down with the flu. So we stepped in along with the help of family. 

What has become apparent to myself and other family members was her depression.  Her sisters have individually spoken to her as has one of our daughters and myself.  She refuses to accept it, even her doctor asked her was she depressed,  she said no. The stress, the good and the bad has and is on a daily basis

What can we do.....please  

[therising]

Hi radish58

Your wife is so truly blessed to have such a deeply thoughtful and caring partner in you. For you to be researching a whole variety of ways in coming to help and serve her (including coming here) speaks volumes as to your nature.

I think different people can experience or may consider depression from different perspectives. For example, while depression can be considered by some as a mental health condition that you 'have' or depressed is something you 'get' or 'become', the question may be 'How does my wife experience this depression she's in?'. If you were to ask her 'At the moment, do a lot of things feel soul destroying?' and she answers 'Yes, they do', you can then ask 'Do you feel like you're in a soul destroying depression or hole in the ground, which you feel you can't get out of without someone helping to raise you out of it?'. So, a less clinical and more natural approach.

For some, the mind/body/soul approach can be more relatable. From this trifecta approach, you could say 'A lack of soulful experiences in life (soul), which can create a hell-like kind of inner dialogue (mind), is definitely not good for dopamine production (body/physical chemistry). Is your wife more so a natural or soulful kind of person, who's less about mental issues and chemical deficiencies or imbalances? Another possibility could involve you addressing 'Has the level of exhaustion, experienced through ongoing stress, reached depressing levels' or 'Has this soul destroying lack of energy become depressing?'. If life is the feeling of plenty of energy running through us (chemical energy included), the opposite of that can be a depressing sense of lifelessness.

Sometimes hitting on a definition of depression someone can fully relate to is what can bring about a much needed revelation for them. Wishing you and your wife only the best in regard to the way forward.