Life is Messy

[ChildofVenus]

If you look at me, I seem like a happy go lucky person who has achieved so much in life, and yet I feel anything but. I've had many setbacks in life, made some poor choices in terms of life partners and have had way too many struggles in my life. I am doing the best I can with what I have and sometimes I have to remind myself that it's enough. I can be really hard on myself and feel like I need to be strong for the sake of my children if nothing else. When I'm alone, sometimes I allow myself to fall apart. I feel like I am unable to share my deepest feelings, thoughts and challenges with anyone as I don't have any real friends anymore. It's hard to make genuine connections with people. I do however enjoy saying hello to strangers and I enjoy my volunteer work. Journalling, reading and walking have been life savers. I love quotes and different outlooks on life. Sometimes I think of life as a garden. There will always be flowers and weeds. My happiness depends on where I focus - the flowers or the weeds. Sometimes I can only see the weeds and other times I can see the flowers. I'm also aware that the garden can be mowed at any time, with both flowers and weeds removed, so while I can, I try to focus on the flowers. Life can be messy but life is precious. Thank you for reading my ramblings 🙂

[ChildofVenus]

Sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Sounds like you lost a good friend as well as your mum. Grief is a funny thing. It is so different for everyone. I lost my mum to dementia just over a year ago. It was a strange time, very busy trying to organise everything and connecting with family and people that I hadn't seen in years. It was only a few months later when I attended a commemorative service organised by the palliative ward that I could not contain the grief and tears, but it felt like a safe place to do so. I also lost my dad to dementia during covid. One thing I realised is that after my parents passed, I felt like they were guiding me and helping me from the other side. This was my experience anyway. 

I love the sound of you wanting to develop your spirituality and especially your intuition. Both of these are really powerful, and they are already within us, we just have to tune in. I find the older I get, the stronger the trust in my intuition, and the more I grow in my spirituality. Ironically, it is through my toughest times that I grow the most. 

I wish you all the very best in seeking out the right spiritual development courses for you. While it's great to indulge in these, may you remember your own inner truth and find the time to look within and hear the still voice that dwells there.

Lastly, I absolutely adore the quote that you finished your last post with! May we both develop this identity! 

[therising]

Hi ChildofVenus

My heart goes out to you regarding the passing of your mum and your dad. I'm so glad you were able to find a safe and supportive place in which to express your grief. There is a great sense of liberation in being able fully express our most authentic self. Some emotions are definitely better out than in, such as with grief. Yes, I was extremely close to my mum. I could not have asked for a greater friend.

Whether we open our mind through learning or through great desperation, the most incredible things can definitely happen. I've experienced this on a number of occasions in my life, which is why a sense of spirituality is such a key part of my life. While tapping in to my mind last week, I visualised my mum sitting at a long table with family members (from her side) that have passed over the years. There was her mother, father, sister and those that existed before them. In my mind, my mum sat happily with them, as the words that came to mind were 'Don't worry, she's the new kid on the block. We'll take care of her'. Then the most amusing thing happened. Suddenly the scene changed to show them all sitting under the most incredible tree, having something like a picnic on a beautiful warm sunny day. The words that came to mind were 'This is your family tree. Something which you are a part of. Feel free to visit whenever you like'. If I meditate on that tree, I will find it.

We are truly amazing, when it comes to how we tick in the most unique ways. Intuition, imagination, a sense of wonder and so much more are all the things we were born with. While some people never lose such gifts, maintaining an open mind, others lose them yet find the ability and opportunity to regain them. While sensitivity (the ability to sense easily and deeply) can feel like a curse at times, it is ultimately one of the greatest and most rewarding gifts. Learning how it works is where the challenge lies. ❤️

[ChildofVenus]

I agree we are all truly amazing beings! And yes I agree that sensitivity and the ability to think / feel deeply can be a curse, but it is also a superpower. Our weakness becomes our strength. Maybe we feel isolated a lot of the time because we need the space and time to connect with that deep inner part of ourselves. 

I absolutely love reading about your experience with the family tree. It must be so comforting to realise that your mum is in good hands and that you are part of this family picnic also. I love trees and have special ones that I connect with in my neighbourhood. Sometimes I feel like I connect better to nature than to people which is why I love exploring the indigenous cultures and the intertwining of spirituality, nature and culture. I also find that looking to the heavens (stars, moon, Venus, Jupiter, clouds, sunrise, sunset) puts things in perspective for me and fills me with awe and wonder.

A lovely quote I read the other day - Fill your cup with beautiful memories of yesterday, peaceful experiences of today, and exciting plans for tomorrow.