Hello,
I'm new on here, I've just been reading a few posts and already I feel a bit better. So nice to know that I am not the only one that feels low for no apparent reason. I have suffered depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember. But it wasn't until last year that I made the connection that how and what I was experiencing was a mental illness. I just always thought I was weird and a bit of a sook.
The anxiety connection came from a work colleague who was very open with her anxiety and what it did to her and how she coped with that. I made the connection with a big 'Oh my goodness, I do that'. In many ways it was very freeing. Beyond that I normally floated between a state of manic highs, normal steadiness and crushing lows. The lows soon out weighed the highs and I was in a pit of despair. I went to see my doctor and I eventually started on some medication, from there the dose was increased and increased. There were days even weeks where it felt like it was helping but then there were those outbursts where I wanted to escape myself. Things increasingly worsened after a night out mixing alcohol and my prescription meds. I had a psychotic episode and ended up in the psych ward. I was so embarrassed and grateful all at once. I hurt my partner deeply by what I had done to myself. Even without alcohol the medication seemed to be making me feel worse than better. After this point I eventually weaned off the prescription medication and alcohol under the very strict guidance of my GP and Psychiatrist . Currently, I occasionally take something for the anxiety and a sleep aid medication. I was doing well for around a month and now I feel like I have hit a familiar brick wall. One of complete despair, its painful to breathe. So I find myself here talking to you guys. I have a great support network but sometimes I just feel like I'm too much to deal with and that I'm simply not worth the effort. At least I know that in reality, that is not the case but that's how it feels which in turn drives the emotions. Anyway, nice to be in this community.
(Really said more than just Hi )
