Just trying to get through another day

[Fuschia87]

Newbie here.

These past few months have been incredibly stressful for me, I have PTSD, anxiety and major depression. Most of the time I think I deal with things reasonably well. I have my triggers but for the most part I can get through the hard days - thanks to 18 years in therapy and the current health team I have - but lately...

Lately everything feels like a bit too much. The days keep getting harder to deal with. I'm in a constant state of fight /flight /freeze. I have daily panic attacks and just in general I feel very low and not myself

This has probably been made worse with some major life changes about to happen as well as the fact that I cant see my clinical pysch until the end of the month.

I'm just finding it more and more difficult to get to the end of each day. All my usual coping strategies just don't seem to help right now. And I'm scared that I won't be able to get out of this black hole quite as easy

Thank you for listening.

[Emmen]

Dear Fuschia87,

Welcome to the forums.

You're a very resilient person to have been able to deal with your PTSD, anxiety and depression for all this time. Your current feelings are understandable given that you are dealing with major life changes. Even if they haven't happened yet, the thought of it can be making your symptoms worse.

Don't be too harsh on yourself. It's normal to have periods when you feel like things are far worse than usual, wondering if you'll recover from this terrible time. I have no doubt you will, because having coped with all this for 18 years says a lot about your coping abilities, even if you don't feel that well now.

I'm glad to know you have contacted your psych about this. While it is unfortunate that you can only see them at the end of this month, there are still avenues for you to get help until you can see them again. Top of my suggestions list would be to call Lifeline at 13 11 14 and speak to their counsellors. You can also contact Beyond Blue's support services at 1300 22 4636 if you need more guidance. If you feel suicidal, please call the Suicide Call Back Service at 1300 659 467.

In addition, if you feel up to it, please continue engaging with us in this forum. We care for you and want to know you are doing okay.

Kindly,
M

[Fuschia87]

Hi Emmen

At the moment I don't feel resilliant at all. Quite the opposite. Ive had a few episodes of depersonalization today. Which I know is my brain just trying to protect me but instead it's just making me feel useless and inept

I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to go into a panic over the slightest thing but I can't see how things are going to get better any time soon

Thank you for those resources. At the moment I don't feel capable of talking to someone over the phone. I know at some point I will definitely need to though.

[Not_Batman]

Hi Fuschia87

ah yes, the old ‘brain trying to protect you but making you feel worse’ trick.
these are the time where just dont feel like ourselves.

Panic attacks, as you will know, happen inconveniently, can be mild or draining, over important things and trivial things. the most trivial panic attack i ever had was over a vacuum cleaner that wouldn't work. But in the moment it was the worst thing to ever happen.

With your panic attacks, have you had a chance to reflect on them to see if you can determine the triggers? I wonder if you would be able to share what you experience, and feel.

Do you do anything to cope during your panic attacks? For example breathing exercises, mindfulness.

If you feel up to it, give the lifeline online live chat a go. This may be a little easier to do than speaking on the phone.

Not_Batman

[Fuschia87]

Hi not_batman - cool moniker

Yes. My brain is doing its utmost to protect me these past couple of months. My pysch routinely tells me how wonderful our brains are at protecting us, but as you mentioned I could do without the sickness and all the viseral feelings it's bringing up at the moment

I've had panic attacks over major things but as you said, sometimes it can be over something so simple. I had one two hours ago because I couldn't find the puff pastry for dinner. I know that it was just a symptom of the bigger picture but it felt awful

I try to breathe and calm myself down, as much as I possible can. I try and put on music that I know wont make the situation worse.

I use two stress balls, one in each hand. This activates and stimulates both sides of the brain (an EMDR trick)

The thing that's infuriating is in know what my triggers are. I know why I'm depressed. But even with all that knowledge... It doesn't make the fear disapate or make the trauma memories go away

I did the chat line today

As silly as it sounds I'm just trying everything I can to keep going until I see my GP next week.

[Not_Batman]

hey Fuschia87.

Have you been able to talk to yourself in the panic time, and reassure yourself that there is no danger, and this feeling will pass?

or to tell yourself that the thought is not important and you acknowledge its there but put it to the side in the ‘come back to later’ pile?

i find that these work for me (mostly) but is different for everyone.

stay strong.

Not_Batman

[Fuschia87]

It depends how intense it is... If that makes sense. Sometimes the thoughts / feelings are so intense that there's nothing I can do. I have to try and keep myself safe. And ride out the wave.

Most of the time when I'm doing "ok" my panic attacks / triggers are a mild annoyance, like a mosquito . I can find a way to easily get rid of them.

Other times it feels like I'm in a whirlwind and the only thing I can focus on is the intrusive thoughts.

Today was one of those days. For several hours. The intensity took my breath away.

I think I've brought myself down enough now that I am relatively calm. I'm hoping that after 25 hours of being awake I can go to sleep soon.

Again. Thank you for listening.

[Not_Batman]

Hi Fuschia87

i totally understand. The main thing is that you are safe. Im glad you have had a chance to come down from that energy.

yes definitely try to get some rest. If you are having trouble sleeping the Headspace app has a guided sleep meditation ( midnight laundrette or laundromat or something like that). It has worked for me, but any sleep meditation may do..

Not_Batman

[Fuschia87]

Thank you

I ended up being awake for 30 hours before I think my body decided to just finally sleep for three hours.

I've never had much fortune with sleep apps. But I've been dealing with insomnia for a decade. At this point I think my body just considers 2-4 hours sleep normal.