It's a crying day

[SPda22]

Hi all,

New here, and, I guess, just looking for a place to talk to like-minded people.

My mental health history is all over the place and probably never properly diagnosed. First placed on an antidepressant at 18, and have had many other drugs prescribed in my journey to find out what's wrong with me and why I do the self-destructive things that I do. I figured out that I am probably allergic to SSRIs since I had such intense side effects, usually the opposite of what was expected. So I white knuckle it.

I've yet to find a empathetic GP or a psychologist who I gel with (most get max 2 appointments before I give up on them).

I'm told that I am a caring, empathetic person myself, but I think that just comes from wanting to make other people happy and not feel the way I do.

At this very moment I am questioning whether I deserve to be here as there are so many people whose lives are affected so much worse then my own. The guilt of not counting my blessings.

But I am here because this 48 yo happily married and gainfully employed woman, cannot stop crying tonight.

And all the self introspection in the world is not helping to figure out why.

I feel that I should apologise for sounding so overly dramatic (which is what I would do if I shared this in real life), but I'm hoping this is a place where I don't have to do that.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to hopefully being a helpful contributor here and to be able to reach out to others when they are in need and vice versa.

Thanks for reading. Back to the wine and tissues (not a crutch I promise, it's just a really nice drop! 🙂)

[Aphador]

Hi SPda22,

Welcome to the forums, great work on having the courage to reach out! I hope you find the forums a great place where you can find people that you relate to- and similarly, any advice that you can offer will be greatly appreciated!

You don't have to apologise for being dramatic (or feeling the way you do). Sometimes through writing on here, we find the 'introspection' we need through writing anonymously 🙂

How are you feeling today/this morning?

[smallwolf]

Hi and welcome to beyond blue.

You do not have to apologise for how you are feeling. Neither are you being over dramatic. Whatever brought you here (both to the forums and how you feel) is not made up. I have said on occasion that my issues were first world problems. Yet these same thoughts were the same think of ending my life. We all have our own stories that brought us here.

It is sad to hear that you have not had much or any success with GPs.

Writing here is another way of writing a journal and a good place to get thoughts out of your mind. It is something I did in the first days I was here.

I look forward to seeing you around the forums - and don't forget to have a look at the social sections as well.

Tim

[mocha delight]

Hi spda22 please don’t think you ever have to apologise for how you feel here ok as I nor I doubt anyone else will ever except it 😉 as you have every right to feel how you do so don’t anyone tell you otherwise. And if you ever need to talk I’m here for you ok 🤗