Introduction:The Lonely Life of BeingByrne

[beingbyrne]

Hi Everyone,

I've joined BB a few days ago and I've posted a lot since, but I haven't introduced myself yet. ( How rude of me, apologies)

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety all in my life including my childhood ( which wasn't a great one). At the moment I'm O.K. ( meaning I'm still depressed, but coping ). I guess I'm O.K because after years of hard work I was able to create a safe little shell for me to live in, away from stress and triggers. But I tell you, this is the loneliest existence on the planet. My shell is basically  my home which I own with my husband (who works for both of us,so I don't have to work) where I live a socially isolated life after I managed to get rid of all my friends and the relationship with hubby is not like a marriage, it's more like a living  arraignment (not a lot intimacy or emotional connection). My depression makes him feel uncomfortable and he pulls away from me and doesn't communicate with me. He doesn't know a lot about depression and he doesn't want to know about it. So, my only support system is my dog. My beautiful yellow labrador who turns out to be the best support system I have ever had. She is the reason I get out of bed in the morning and get out of the house (basically taking her for a walk or going to the shops to buy dog food). Most of the time I am by myself because hubby works away so my only company is my gorgeous dog who I call my best friend. She does not judge me nor she cares what I look like in the morning and she never holds grudges or takes anything for granted. And on top of that she is loves me more than anybody I've ever met. She pulls me out of bed when she thinks it's time to get up and she brings and drops her leash in my lap when it's time to get out of the house. Basically speaking she keeps me alive.

The reason I have joined BB, because I felt that I needed to connect with people. As much as I love my dog she's not human. I would love to get out of this isolation and I thought talking to you guys will be the first step. And I have to say that it has already lifted my spirit a little bit. So thank you. 

Warm wishes

[beingbyrne]

I have increased the dose of my AD yesterday and I feel so much better this morning. Due to my bipolar nature AD has an instant effect on my brain most of the time. I'm so grateful that I can rely on effective meds, I don't know what I would do without them. GP said that I can alter the dose according to need, because sometimes I feel to good....then I need less, and sometimes I feel low...then I take a higher dose.

[Doolhof]

Hi Byrne,

It must be reassuring knowing you can decide which dose of medication to take according to how you are feeling. For a lot of people I presume the strength of the medication is always the same. Guess that all depends on your condition and what you are taking.

Today I am taking extra amounts of Chocolate and Coffee, they are helping me! Ha. Ha. I don't actually NEED them today, just enjoying them both in moderation...sort of.

The weekend is almost here, hope you have some nice plans.

Cheers for now From Mrs. D.

[beingbyrne]

Hi Mrs D,

I don't know what I would do without the meds and it is reassuring knowing I can increase the dose if I feel low. It took a lot of years for the doctors to figure out the dose and the combination of meds.

I'm glad you're enjoying a bit of chocolate and coffee, I do that as well some days, it helps me too.

Tomorrow I'm going out with my gay neighbour, we decided to see the drag queen show at the gay bar in town. Should be fun. Look forward to it.

I hope you have a nice weekend

Ciao for now

[Doolhof]

HI Byrne,

Sounds like you are going to have a very happy and cheerful evening surrounded by what I assume will be a lot of beautifully dressed people with glamorous makeup. I would definitely like some of their beauty tips!

Hope you enjoy the evening.

Our local hotel may have about 6 people in the bar on a Saturday night. It is a very quaint hotel but needs a bit of work done on it. As there are so few customers, the beer from the kegs is usually flat, tastes awful and has floaties in it. If we go there I ask for a bottle of beer. You are not always guaranteed that will be fresh either.

I feel sorry for the old publican and his wife. It could be a nice place if they had the money to do it up a little and found ways to entice people to drop in. After all the town is on a main highway with loads of traffic!

It is so dark and dingy inside you almost need to take your own torch to see where you are going! Ha. Ha.

Have a great weekend.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

We are catching up with my husband's family Saturday and Monday we are going out to dinner as well.