Introduction:The Lonely Life of BeingByrne

[beingbyrne]

Hi Everyone,

I've joined BB a few days ago and I've posted a lot since, but I haven't introduced myself yet. ( How rude of me, apologies)

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety all in my life including my childhood ( which wasn't a great one). At the moment I'm O.K. ( meaning I'm still depressed, but coping ). I guess I'm O.K because after years of hard work I was able to create a safe little shell for me to live in, away from stress and triggers. But I tell you, this is the loneliest existence on the planet. My shell is basically  my home which I own with my husband (who works for both of us,so I don't have to work) where I live a socially isolated life after I managed to get rid of all my friends and the relationship with hubby is not like a marriage, it's more like a living  arraignment (not a lot intimacy or emotional connection). My depression makes him feel uncomfortable and he pulls away from me and doesn't communicate with me. He doesn't know a lot about depression and he doesn't want to know about it. So, my only support system is my dog. My beautiful yellow labrador who turns out to be the best support system I have ever had. She is the reason I get out of bed in the morning and get out of the house (basically taking her for a walk or going to the shops to buy dog food). Most of the time I am by myself because hubby works away so my only company is my gorgeous dog who I call my best friend. She does not judge me nor she cares what I look like in the morning and she never holds grudges or takes anything for granted. And on top of that she is loves me more than anybody I've ever met. She pulls me out of bed when she thinks it's time to get up and she brings and drops her leash in my lap when it's time to get out of the house. Basically speaking she keeps me alive.

The reason I have joined BB, because I felt that I needed to connect with people. As much as I love my dog she's not human. I would love to get out of this isolation and I thought talking to you guys will be the first step. And I have to say that it has already lifted my spirit a little bit. So thank you. 

Warm wishes

[beingbyrne]

Hi GA,

Thanks for your post and I'm glad you have fury friends too. I've had cats all in my life, but Jasper is my first dog. And I tell you, "Bengal" and "Russian blue" are 2 of my favourites, they are gorgeous cats with big personalities.

I have thought about volunteering at animal shelter, but the problem is, I get too emotionally involved with animals and I don't think I will be able to deal with that very well. So I think aged care would be a better option for me as I love being around the elderly and relate to them well. Helping out the senior citizens would be quite rewarding for me. 

Take care and bye for now 

[Neil_1]

Hello there Mrs Byrne

I now see a new kitty cat on your pic … this’ll be quite interesting over the next little while to see what other animals make an appearance.

In our home we’ve got our lovely Jack (jack russell/kelpie) black and white and getting quite a bit of grey on him as well … he’s 9yo and wow, he’s just so incredibly loved by our family.

My daughter has two very cute bunnies, Apache and Koda.   She also has 4 chooks (or we refer to them as “the girls”):  Titan, Nugget, Fantail and Shimmer and yes, we can tell them all apart.  And Jack gets on so well with them;  he was told long ago, that “we do not eat members of our family”.  🙂

Then she also has two budgies:  Daffodil and Sky;   and wait for it;  an outside pond with 4 fish … and wait for it, their names are:   Friend, Bob, Cold and Sunburn !!!!   How she came up with those names, is a mystery!!

Cheers

Neil

[beingbyrne]

Hi everyone,

As you've noticed I've been posting replies lately so I'm back again.

Since my last intro a lot happened....my husband left me a year ago and my life has fallen apart...he was my rock. I thought he loved me, but I guess I was wrong. I ended up in the mental health unit after he left me, it was tough.

I am diagnosed with bipolar II and PTSD and I'm on meds. Counselling doesn't seem to be helpful, but the meds are a blessing....I don't know how I would survive without them.

I need to go to sleep now...I'll be back

[Guest_9809]

Hi there beingbyrne. Yes I have seen you around the forums a bit lately. And it is really nice to see that you have come back to your original intro thread to provide an update on things since you last posted here 3 years ago.

Sounds as though you have had a mixture of good and bad over the 3 years since you were here. Really sad to hear that your husband has up and left. That is a major blow to anyone, to lose their rock, the person we expect to be our 'forever' support. On a positive note, his departure sounds as though it was the catalyst to an official diagnoses for you and subsequent appropriate treatment. I know little about bipolar, but I have PTSD myself, so understand what you go through in that regard. Its tough!

Its really pleasing that medication has worked so well for you. Was there much trial and error for you, or was it a relatively smooth transition with little juggling? And is the meds you are on specifically for the bipolar, the PTSD, or both? I am on medication for ptsd-related nightmares and sleep issues, which I find reasonably effective. And unlike you, I have found therapy with my psychologist to be invaluable.

Anyway, its great to see you around again byrne, and equally fantastic that you are doing so much better now.

Taurus xx

[Doolhof]

Hi beingbyrne,

I'm not sure if our paths have crossed before or not. My memory is quite poor so I don't always recall things. I'm sorry to read your husband has left you and you had time in a mental health unit. Hopefully you received the help you needed while there.

You mentioned counselling is not helping much. Do you know what part of it is not helping? I felt like my psychologist was not listening to me, so I would write up what was bothering me and hand it to her at the beginning of the session so she had it all in black and white.

Do you have any hobbies or interests you can try to encourage yourself to do? There may be groups you could join. I recently found a craft group that meets at one of the local libraries fortnightly. I try to attend when ever I can. I enjoy the interaction with the ladies and feed off their enthusiasm.

Getting used to medication can be a bit of trial and error. It is pleasing to know you seem to be doing well with your tablets.

Wishing you well.

Cheers for now from Mrs. D or Dools

[beingbyrne]

Thank you for your reply Taurus, you are always so good at supporting others, I am seeing your posts quite often giving great advice, it shows what a wonderful caring person you are.

I am very lucky that meds are working for me and I have no side affects.

You are right....I should join a club or something in order to be with people, but I just find it so hard to connect with people, I am much better with animals.....I have three cats and a gorgeous labrador.

I am not sure why counselling doesn't work for me....I just never get anything out of it.

Take care

[beingbyrne]

Hi Mrs D,

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

I have seen your posts before, but I'm not sure if we ever chatted before.

I find it really difficult to be with people and socialise, I don't enjoy it so I normally avoid it. I am much better with animals, not just my own, but even like looking after the neighbour's pets.

I'm having a bad day today and I find it difficult to write or speak.

I really appreciate your reply, thank you for caring.

Take care

byrne

[Doolhof]

Hi byrne,

When yo feel up to chatting again, you can do so then. There is no pressure here at all. I'm sure most of us if not all of us relate to having a bad day! There are days when I don't feel like going out and about and connecting with people either.

You mentioned you have 3 cats and a dog, that is wonderful. Pets are such great company aren't they! We have a cat who is rather arrogant like a lot of cats and likes to sit by herself and doesn't like cuddles much. She puts up with being help for about 20 seconds then becomes annoyed.

Do you know someone else who has a dog that you may be able to go walking with, even if it is just once a week? I sometimes find it is easy to be with people when we are doing something.

I have joined a craft group. Most people are busy with their crafts while they are chatting. Works well for me. I attend Church most Sundays and sit at the back usually. It is more comfortable for me to do that.

Hope you have a much better day on the horizon!

Cheers for now from Mrs. D.

[beingbyrne]

Hi Mrs D

I'm friends with one of my neighbours....He is 22 year old autistic gay man and his house is full of pets...2 cats, a parrot and a ferret and he is thinking about rescuing a dog soon. He comes over for a coffee everyday and brings his ferret over for a play date with my dog. Watching these animals play and interact with each other is very therapeutic for me. We both love animals and we go for walks together with my dog and his ferret. He also understands my depression and anxiety, because he suffers from it too.

I feel lucky to have him as a neighbour

Cheers Mrs D......hugs

[Doolhof]

Hi Byrne,

That is a beautiful story, thanks so much for sharing. It is wonderful you both have each other for company. We live just outside a small town on 5 acres. We don't have much to do with one lot of neighbours, things went a little sour there!

The other neighbours have dogs and in the warmer weather I go walking with them now and then. It is very spasmodic though. Across the road are paddocks and behind us an old railway line. Not too many neighbours to connect with.

I have thought about trying to start up a walking group, but thinking about it is as far as I have gone. Ha. Ha.

Hope all is well for you today. Cheers and hugs from Mrs. D.