Introduction:The Lonely Life of BeingByrne

[beingbyrne]

Hi Everyone,

I've joined BB a few days ago and I've posted a lot since, but I haven't introduced myself yet. ( How rude of me, apologies)

I have been struggling with depression and anxiety all in my life including my childhood ( which wasn't a great one). At the moment I'm O.K. ( meaning I'm still depressed, but coping ). I guess I'm O.K because after years of hard work I was able to create a safe little shell for me to live in, away from stress and triggers. But I tell you, this is the loneliest existence on the planet. My shell is basically  my home which I own with my husband (who works for both of us,so I don't have to work) where I live a socially isolated life after I managed to get rid of all my friends and the relationship with hubby is not like a marriage, it's more like a living  arraignment (not a lot intimacy or emotional connection). My depression makes him feel uncomfortable and he pulls away from me and doesn't communicate with me. He doesn't know a lot about depression and he doesn't want to know about it. So, my only support system is my dog. My beautiful yellow labrador who turns out to be the best support system I have ever had. She is the reason I get out of bed in the morning and get out of the house (basically taking her for a walk or going to the shops to buy dog food). Most of the time I am by myself because hubby works away so my only company is my gorgeous dog who I call my best friend. She does not judge me nor she cares what I look like in the morning and she never holds grudges or takes anything for granted. And on top of that she is loves me more than anybody I've ever met. She pulls me out of bed when she thinks it's time to get up and she brings and drops her leash in my lap when it's time to get out of the house. Basically speaking she keeps me alive.

The reason I have joined BB, because I felt that I needed to connect with people. As much as I love my dog she's not human. I would love to get out of this isolation and I thought talking to you guys will be the first step. And I have to say that it has already lifted my spirit a little bit. So thank you. 

Warm wishes

[White_Rose]

Hello BeingByrne

It's nice to meet you and I am pleased that you are writing on this forum.

Loneliness is a very hard place to be so I am glad you have your dog for company.  That's the great thing about dogs, they never judge you, always love you and care for you.  I have been around dogs since I was a child and it is only in later years I have not had a pet. Perhaps that's what I need to make me exercise more?

We are prone to hiding ourselves away in the hope that we will not be hurt until one day we find we have made a prison for ourselves and breaking out is as hard or even harder than building the prison in the first place.

It's unfortunate that you have no social contact as being with people can be the greatest source of comfort.  Having said that I also know how hard it is to start making contact again.

The question that everyone asks on this forum is"Do you have some medical care?" Having a good GP is really vital for your well-being.  This can be your link to the outside world and a start to a new social  and helpful network.  If I may suggest, can you talk to your GP ASAP and say all the things you have written above? 

Contributors to BB report different experiences with doctors and unfortunately there are some who are less experienced in managing depression than others.  However, if you have a good GP he/she can give you lots of help.  Failing that, try another GP.  Apart from the help the GP can give, you will have made the second step back into the world.  And it will be relatively easy because doctors are there to help and encourage you.  Like your dog, GPs will give you their attention, though I'm not sure if they will appreciate being compared to a dog.  You have already made the first step by writing here on BB.

There are many other things you can do but I will not overwhelm you with suggestions.  One step at a time.  This can be your motto.  When I first became depressed many years ago, and I was incredibly sick, my daughter used to say, "Baby steps mom, baby steps." And this is how we manage, one small step at a time.

For me this has been excruciating as I am so impatient.  Once started I expect to get to the end tomorrow and preferably yesterday. So my journey has been an exercise in patience and practice.  Also in frustration when I go backwards or make mistakes, upset others, behave irrationally and all the other things we do.

It takes great courage to start getting well and to continue your journey, partly because you cannot see the end. So may I suggest you stay focused on where you are now and the next step rather than looking at the end result.  This always seems so far away and can be so discouraging.  One day you will suddenly find yourself there.

I found a quote in an old post on BB which I think it applies to all our various journeys.  Unfortunately I am having trouble getting it on the post because of a technical hitch.  So watch this space and I will try a new post. 

For me this is a hugely profound statement and I hope it will help and encourage you.

Warm regards

White Rose

[White_Rose]

Here I am again and trying to post the quote.

When you come to the edge of all the light that you have, and must take the first step into the darkness of the unknown, you must believe that one of two things will happen.  There will be something solid for you to stand upon, or you will be taught how to fly. Quote from Patrick Overton.

[Neil_1]

Hi there Being Byrne

Yes, I’ve seen your name on a number of posts recently and it fills my eyes/heart with joy every time, because right below your name is that absolutely beautiful, gorgeous and so cute photo and I can only imagine that this is “your” best friend?  Could we please have your dog’s name?  I’m sure that is your dog and oh wow, what an absolute cutie.

And now I would like to formally welcome you to Beyond Blue, I know it’s a little late, but hey … and you have fitted in so easily … you’ve come along and provided posts of advice and support to others which says an awful lot about the kind of person you are – considerate, kind and caring and putting others before yourself.  Hence why I think you’ll fit in so well here.  🙂  It seems a trend.

I won’t make any comment about your post here because I thought what White Rose responded to you was really good and from that I hope you’ll respond so we can get a little more info about you – not that we’re nosey at all;  just so we can be better informed in order to provide as best advice to you as possible.

Kind regards

Neil

[beingbyrne]

You guys have no idea how encouraging it felt when I was reading your KIND and CARING words ( I had tears in my eyes..in a good way). Thank you so much. It made me realise that not everyone out there is there to hurt me. There are loving people out there and I have to start being more trusting. White Rose…I find your caring advice very constructive and it means a lot to me (because it's coming from your heart.. I can feel it). And Neil….your complements just did wonders to my self esteem straight away and I can not express how much I appreciate the way you embraced me ( as you always do others as well).

Now a little bit more about me….yes I do have medical care, I am seeing a clinical psychologist regulary, which I have just started in january. Prior to that I have been on medication for about 5 years, which I stopped in november last year. Yes it was helping first ( that was the time when I hit rock bottom), but I felt it was only masking things later on and it made me gain about 10kg. The fact that I had no control over my body weight made me feel more depressed, so I have decided to get off it. I was able to lose weight since then and I am trying to find other alternatives in order to cope and heal. Psych sessions, joining BB and I am attending my first group session for depression/anxiety tonight. And I have to mention that I've never would have had the courage to get off the meds without my dog "Jasper". Yes ..that's her name ( I didn't name her, I adopted her 3 years ago when she was 4yo) and she's my baby.When she's looking at me with those beautiful eyes and asking me to take her out..I just can't say no. So basically she forces me to get of the house which means exercise, fresh air and a little social contact with people as she always walks up to people with such friendly and loving manner that I have no choice but to get involved in a little conversation whit people on the street. So I'm looking after myself….and that's a start. And I also find it very rewarding to support people on BB…. I've been thinking about volunteer work, but that's the next step.

Enough of me now….. thank you again for your kind support and looking forward to talking to everybody, all the gorgeous people on BB.

Be kind to yourself and to each other  

[Neil_1]

Hi Beingbyrne

Thank you for your latest post … and I see you’ve updated your pic … that’s a beautiful photo.  🙂

I have a massive belief in animals – pets – but then again, the term pet is a term.  I believe they’re so much more than pets and dogs, they are incredible.  We were watching a show during the week that showed how dogs have this ability to pick up emotions in humans.  When we get upset, we release some kinds of pheromones which a dog can pick up on.  Hence why when we cry or are in an emotional state a dog will come and be by your side.  An incredible support.

Beingbyrne, I’m so pleased that you’ve got Jasper in your life and yes, I can picture it now, where you’re on your walk and Jasper will detour to other people in a super friendly manner.  And really that’s an ok kind of social contact with others as it’s an easy topic to talk about – basically your dog (perhaps theirs) and doesn’t need to much stress to handle and then move on.

May I ask how you feel now with regard to not being on your meds?  Especially seeing as you were on them for a long period of time – I’m guessing pretty damn good, due to the fact that as you mentioned you’ve been able to lose the weight that was no doubt attributed to by the use of the meds.  Such a terrible Catch 22 situation isn’t it … certain types of meds have this awful side effect of producing weight gain and let’s face it, putting on weight isn’t the most ideal thing for people to have on their bucket list.  I can only hope that the powers that be / the scientists / doctors / specialists, whoever they are that create the new medications to assist us are working damn hard on producing meds that don’t have these unfortunate side effects.

Kind regards

Neil

[beingbyrne]

Hi Neil, 

Sorry for the late reply and thank you for asking me for how I am doing without the meds. It wasn't easy first ( which was expected ), but slowly was getting better and now I'm coping pretty much the same. I don't miss the medication which means it really didn't work for me on the long term. I have to say though it was life saving when I first started taking them. It gave me breathing space so I could focus on dealing with my emotions and being kind to myself. But after a while I felt that it was holding me back from growing and going further in my journey.

And recently I've been trying the laughter therapy (as you know I've started a new thread about it) which seems to help me a lot. I know it's not for everyone or sometimes we are just not ready for it yet, but this forum is about sharing our experiences and that's what I'm doing.

Take care Neil and I hope you're smiling today (if not…that's o.k. too, but don't forget to be kind to yourself)

Bye for now

[Neil_1]

Hello Mrs Byrne

Where's that gorgeous photo of you and that cutie pie labrador that you had displayed?  I see it's been replaced with red wine sipping cat!  🙂

Ah yes, laughter ... I remember that well.  I used to finish off my emails with:  Remember to keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you've been up too.

The laughter therapy ... that sounds like it'd be good for a laugh!  🙂

Cheers

Neil

[beingbyrne]

Hi Neil, 

That cat is hilarious, she is one of the members of my loving family in my loving house who thinks she's a dog. Her name is "Kish" and she's a Norwegian Forrest Cat ( very rare in australia ) I've adopted together with Jasper 3 years ago( Jasper was a package deal), they've grown up together. 

I thought, by changing the picture I can introduce my other friends, who are also important to me. Be warned, there are 2 others coming, but Jasper WILL be back.

All my animals are working hard to look after me, making sure I've got someone to talk to ( they're very good listeners),I smile every day and the day doesn't go pass without a drama. What would I do without them?

Take care and don't forget to smile

mrs byrne

[Girl_Anachronism]

Hi BeingByrne,

I haven't directly replied to you before I don't think soa Hello from me. I have seen you around the forums.

I just wanted to say that I am in a similar situation with my cats. They are the reason I get out of bed in the morning. I wouldn't have left the house today except they were out of food. Depression may kill my appetite but my cats will not go hungry. I love that you have a Norwegian Forest cat. I love them but my husband is allergic so I am lucky to be able to own them at all. Mine are Bengal cross and a Russian blue so they are both hypoallergenic.

I know you mentioned in one of your posts above that you were thinking about volunteering. Maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter? I volunteer at a cat shelter and if nothing else, I like to just visit all the cats even if I can't take them all home, like I want to.

GA