Introduction - 1st post by Newbie

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

Hello everyone. I've hestitated in posting but decided to jot down a quick introductory post regardless.

Im a regular bloke, 40's, chef, father to 3 children who's fallen on tough times. Recently seperated from my former wife of 7 years now tasked with trying to piece back together the remains. Lately it's been difficult to focus, remain strong, continue to fight but taking one day at a time. I find it immensely hard even to get motivated at times...to drag myself into work...put on a brave face and soldier on but I know that the alternative is more distructive than helpful. I'm seeking counselling, applying for housing and generally trying to improve my situation and return to the self sufficient person I once was...but the road ahead...so long...so lonely at times...so daunting. I don't have any inspirational words to share...other than I've learnt to acknowledge ones own faults. Not every hardship I face was unavoidable...I know I could've done more...been more...the mind was willing but the flesh was weak. Frankly I lost my mojo...I sat in silence while things collapsed around me as I felt powerless to change situations. I do not place total blame on others...some has to be my responsibility and I accept that. But right now it's a matter of healing oneself, moving on, staying focused and staying strong. To be sure it's a miserable existence at the moment not seeing my kids, sleepless nights and living out of suitcases. But the show must go on right?

Words of wisdom I'll gratefully accept. My apologies if this introduction was "heavy" but thought I'd get it over and done with. To know me is to know my story...

Best wishes to all...

[james1]

Hey mate,

Just sending you my support because it sounds like you're doing all the right things now by seeking counselling and trying to get back to being you again.

Sounds really tough where you are now, especially not being able to see the kids. There's a website (depressioncomix) and one of their comics is about picking up the debris our mental illness leaves in our wake. I feel like too many of us on these boards feel like we're constantly doing that, but like you say, the show must go on and that debris isn't going to pick itself up.

So good on you for taking the initiative to get your life back on track even though it's the last thing you really want to do right now.

I don't want to tell you day-by-day, but there is a happy ending to every story, sometimes we just have to stick out the storm to see it.

We're here for you if you want to talk, even just about how your day is going. There are a lot of really friendly people here who want to help you and support you in any way we can.

James

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

My thanks for your kind words James. It's encouraging to know that someone feels I'm taking positive steps even if I myself are unsure. Yes...things are rough. But alas I'm not the only one it seems. I'm kinda in an awkward position at the moment....I've read other people's posts....seen their pain and all I want to do is encourage them. However given my current state I feel it would be quasi hypocritical given the fact that I myself am not feeling strong or whole. My fear is that any words of wisdom and support I may give could be flawed....but that's not to say I don't sympathise with others as I really do. I guess all I can say at the moment to others is "I'm here to listen to you if you want to talk". Sometimes that's all people need...a shoulder to lean on...a sympathetic ear...someone human to talk to. Perhaps one day when I'm better within myself I can reach out to others and truely help in a greater capacity. Until then James...I appreciate your words of encouragement and truely wish you well in your endeavours.

Before I sign off I'll pass on a little story - Back when I was a teenager I suffered a major health setback. I had to undergo major brain surgery and frankly the odds were stacked high against me to the point where funeral arrangements were advised to be looked into...even before my operation. Obviously I survived the operation...at a cost...but alive none the less. It took the better part of a year to recover and learn to walk, talk, eat and so on all over again. During that time a very kind nurse took me under her wing and we became close friends. During a particularly bad moment...on a bad day...she pulled me to one side and whispered this gem into my ear. 26 years later it still echoes through my mind. She said...

"Boy....the strongest steel is always put through the fire first".

One simple line...one sentence....that I'll carry with me for the rest of my life.

[james1]

Thanks for the story and quote. That's...I don't know. Powerful. You've had a crazy life and I'm just glad we've got you here on these forums.

Take care and don't feel it's any burden to us if you post here or in any of the other threads, whether for support or giving support. You sound like a great guy and you're always welcome here.

James

[Doolhof]

Hi CT (Can't think)

Everyone needs a title/name, so I will call you this until you come up with something of your own, makes it more personal to me somehow.

Sounds like you have been on quite a journey and that the road ahead is still quite rocky. You are moving on and trying to get around the next bend, so that is excellent.

There is a show on t.v. I like to watch called "Dangerous Roads" or something like that. People drive along the most hair raising roads you could imagine, with one slip of the wheel possibly resulting in a serious accidents.

These people do it regardless. I don't know if they have any idea what to expect or not, but they do it anyway.

In life, we have no idea what will happen the next day, or even the next hour. The thing is to try to keep going. It certainly sounds like you are doing that.

One step at a time and hopefully you will land on your feet again. When I am in a jam I try to do one thing at a time and not try to achieve everything on my to do list in one day. Too much stress that way!

As James has mentioned, there are so many wonderful, caring, helpful people here in this community. If you check out the "Social Zone" you will find some light hearted and cheerful threads you might like to contribute to.

We are here to help and support each other, to listen and to accept people need to vent and let go of their hurts and pain.

On a lighter note, you mentioned you are a chef, what type or style of food do you like to cook?

You have a lot of good plans in place already, wishing you well with them all.

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

He he..yes I admit my screen name stinks. Was at a total loss during that sign up stage. I'll change it to something a bit more personal a bit later.

In regards to your T.V show I believe it's part of the human psyche to take the occasional risk....of course some people take it too far as you know. Personally I try not to take many risks if I can avoid them...well...not silly life threatening risks atleast.

As for my culinary background I was initially trained by French and Austrian Chefs so my early days were heavily inspired by European cuisine styles. Switched to Italian for about 6 years as I enjoyed the simplicity, somewhat rustic nature, of true Italian and Tuscan foods. Finally I feel in love with Indian/Sri Lankan cuisine....the spices, aromas, exotic herbs and vegetables. I can safely say I enjoy this cuisine style over all the others. Something about blending a whole spectrum of different spices to create different flavours and dishes...its life food alchemy...edible witchcraft lol.

Must check out the Social Space as you suggested.

Thanks for your support 🙂

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

One owner of a crazy life...that's me alright! Thanks again James. Glad you found some worth in my story...isn't it strange how a 5 second period of ones life can become so ingrained.

[Doolhof]

Hi CT,

Your screen name doesn't stink at all. I took a word from a Dutch dictionary for Doolhof. It means "Maze or Puzzle" in Dutch, as that is how my life felt when I joined up. Can't think of a display name is fine!

Some of us Aussies like to shorten things anyway. Postman is Postie. Garbage collector is a Garbo. David become Davo. Maybe we like to add O at the end of words as well. Ha. Ha.

Thanks for sharing your culinary skills and journey. Your mentioning all the different types of cuisine was making my mouth water!

What is the most extraordinary dish you have been asked to cook and the most unusual ingredient used?

For the last couple of years my husband has been cooking our evening meals as he has been unable to find work. He cooks a lot better than I do! It may also have something to do with the fact he is not working and has the time to experiment in the kitchen...plus he doesn't have to do the cleaning up after, I do.

It does amaze me how many pots, pans, utensils, bowls etc he can use just to make sausages and baked beans on one of his casual meal nights.

Going back to your original post, do you have time with your children? If this is too tough to answer right now that is okay.

My husband and I were not able to have children. He has a sister who for some reason had a dummy spit regarding the family, or me maybe, and stopped us from seeing their two children from about the age of 10 and 8. We might have seen them once ever couple of years for Christmas and that is it.

The children are now about 18 and 16. We never hear from them. We send them cards and money for Birthdays and Christmas and never know if they get them or not.

She left her husband 6 months ago and has not told her one and only sibling where she is. My husband's parent's know, but they haven't told my husband either. She left the children with her husband. It is all so sad.

Life. Goodness me. It can be interesting at times!

Time to let the chooks out into their yard. It is a glorious day here!

Cheers from Mrs. Dools

[Cantthinkofadisplayname1]

Hello Doolhof,

Thanks for the meaning behind the name...made for interesting reading! I guess my screen name reflected my state of mind when I signed up lol.

No...don't see my kiddies. Not even sure when (or if) I'll see them again. Bit of a tangled mess...nothing is clear.

Ahhh Family....can't live without them...hard to live with them. They say blood is thicker than water but thesedays it's hard to be sure. I'm sorry to hear about yours and Hubbies predicament. As an adopted child I can say that I was raised with all the love and care that any other child could've hoped for. Is that an option for you and your partner?

Boy...weird ingredients. Too many to mention. I'm only going to touch lightly on one particular dish I've done, a very old European dish thats main ingredient involved the genitalia of a male pig. It's was....err...pretty disgusting but as an apprentice we had to taste it. If you close your eyes and thought of something else it actually didn't taste too bad at all. Needless to say I only ever tried it once.

My crew used to save all the shells from spanner crabs and shellfish...roast them off and blitz it into a very fine powder. We would then add in the powdered shells into chowders and seafood sauces to give it kick (most of the flavour is in the shell). The roasted shells of particular crabs used to add a kind of aniseed flavour.....weird but true.

Chefs are a crazy breed. Odd hours, long shifts, stressful nights....it's no wonder a lot of us burn out or go a little crazy. But the kitchen is honest work....one of the few remaining places you can call a spade a spade...say exactly what's on your mind (sometimes with colourful language) and not get burnt by it. It's all part of "Kitchen Culture"....it's quite a different reality and you really need to be in it to understand. It's the only environment I've worked in where being called something rude is actually a term of endearment and respect. It's all backwards...lol.

Boy....the stories I could tell. Half of them would be moderated into oblivion!

[Doolhof]

Hi CT,

Great post. Thanks for sharing your stories about cooking. I didn't realise you could crush up the shells of crabs and shellfish. So many cultures around the world use the whole of everything with no wastage, hence the appendages of creatures we would generally overlook!

We used to enjoy a t.v. show where the guy used to eat just about everything and anything from all around the world. My poor memory is stuck on trying to drag up the name of the show.

The most different thing I have eaten was roasted water beetles in Vietnam. Our guide was very disappointed the vendors had sold out of fried tarantulas. My Dutch friends tried to feed me pickled fish, I couldn't even get one out of the jar let alone anywhere near my mouth.

Regarding adoption, I looked into it, had all the paper work delivered, discussed it with my husband and he flatly refused to even consider the idea. I also made enquiries about fostering. There was a scheme where you could help out needy families one weekend a month, but once again that was rejected.

As my husband worked afternoon shifts for years, I used to look after girlfriend's children so they could go out on Friday nights. I loved it.

We had neighbours with 3 boys. The husband was transferred to Sydney. The Mum stayed behind while the house was being sold and a new home found for them. She had evening meetings to attend, so I would go over and eat with the boys, play after dinner, then tuck them up into bed then watch t.v. or read until their Mum came home.

Back to kitchens and chefs, what do you think of all the cooking shows that are on T.V. these days?

Cheers from Doolhof