Intro - black holes

FredPerkins · ‎27-01-2020

Hi,

Just a quick intro. It has been an awful weekend. I was feeling down Saturday morning. My partner wanted to delve into the issues, and the discussion ended up sending me into a black hole, running away for the weekend, lost and alone planning for a black, black future.

I'm hoping to find better ways to:

know when I'm heading in this direction
let others (especially my partner) know
find ways to discuss the issues with my partner, even if it means deferring the discussion until I am ready
getting out of such holes before I am in too deep

I think it has been a pattern for far too long. I've had a crazy few years, my wife died, redundancy and several new jobs, sold the family home and settled my 3 kids elsewhere, found a new partner. I've spent a lot of time on trying to get to a happier life and believe I have achieved a lot, but clearly some issues still require work.

Soberlicious96 · ‎27-01-2020

HI Fred,

Welcome to Beyond Blue, and well done for reaching out.

Your post struck quite a cord with me, in that even though you are aware of having some issues, you are also aware that they need attention and certainly seem to be willing to get the help required. And I for one think that is great!

Anyway, perhaps if you decide you need more help, you could talk to your doctor, and or a counselor, yeah? Sometimes it's helpful to talk to someone who is quite removed from the situation, because they can offer you advice and strategies, without the emotional attachment.

Anyway, Beyond Blue is also here for as much, and as often as you like.

Take care. Please feel free to utilize BB to it's full extent. And again, well done for reaching out. xo

smallwolf · ‎27-01-2020

Hi and welcome to beyond blue. I would like to commend you on the goals in your post. It also sounds like you have a supporting partner as well.

How do you get out of the holes at the moment? Or what tools and coping mechanisms do you use?

On the forums here there are also threads on mindfulness and grounding that you might find helpful. You can use the search function on the top of the page the find these.

Other ideas (for item #1) would be knowing your triggers. For me it was emails. Or getting overwhelmed when there were too many things to be done. I would also have to reframe my thought as well.

Can I ask what you mean in item #2?

Peace to you,

Tim

FredPerkins · ‎29-01-2020

Hi - thanks for the reply, and yes I'll take a good look at the topics you mentioned.

Regarding - "Can I ask what you mean in item #2", really just meant that when I am feeling myself heading down, I need to be able to tell my partner - I guess the most recent experience entailed me feeling down, her wanting to delve into it, me saying something stupid just to answer a question my mind wasn't clear enough to answer, her reacting badly to my answer, me taking her reaction badly, basically a continuing spiral. I guess it shouldn't be hard to tell her that I'm not is a good state for the sort of clarifying discussions she likes to have, but it is something I have struggled with up until now.

One area I've put a lot of thought into is the impact on her of having such a terrible weekend, loss of her trust in me etc. Maybe also that can help with rationalising and overcoming.

FredPerkins · ‎29-01-2020

Thanks - definitely reaching out in several ways, GP, counseller, writing, taking to friends.