Intro anxious OCD

[saltwater7]

Hey all, I thought i'd get a head start on my New Year's resolution to get my life back together, mentally and physically, joining BB forums is one on the bucket list. I won't overload you with a complete story, that'll come out over time, just some of the major events which got me to this point;I have had OCD since i was a kid i think, but it only became apparent to me in my early 20's. My specialty is locks and powerpoints (with a bit of a dabble in neat freak), i just cannot get enough of checking they're locked and off when not in use, it drives me mad. Specialists have given me the indicators that the OCD has set the path for my current anxiety and panic attacks.

About 5 years ago i hit a wall that knocked me for 6; i was working manager level in IT, was drinking litres of coffee before lunch, litres of energy drink after, not eating well, working late nights, had a boss who was convinced blood can be got from a stone and would not support his employees, had subbordinates hell bent on undermining my authority, had a 'god' complex (which i see now, but not then), and did not get along with the boss well. I'd had enough of the place and decided to walk away without a job to step into. I was so full of myself that i was convinced as soon as word got out i'd left, the phone would be ringing with job offers (the god complex), it didn't ring and i didn't get another job for four months. The job i took under duress, required a lot more travel time, paid a lot less, and was not exactly a stable company.

My GP said that this lifestyle coupled with losing my father to cancer, and being directly impacted by the Black Saturday bushfires a few years earlier, is what put me in hospital with a BP of 197/167 thinking I was going to explode. It all caught up with me, I thought I was going to die from heart attack, all the classic signs were there; chest pain, nausea, sweats, irrational thoughts, dizziness, restlessness, my first panic attack while supposedly at rest taking a country drive. After that first one, had an 'episode' approx every 3 weeks for 3 years after. Since that horrible time I've got better with help, still 'broken' but better than I was. Cannot take medication, couldn't stand the ramp up to prescribed strength, it made it far worse for me than dealing with it unaided so have been using breathing and destraction to deal with it.

so here I am! 🙂 Thankyou for providing this service BB, i have some reading and contributing to do! Cheers!

[Starwolf]

Hi Saltwater7,

Well done for joining this community. Welcome !

I agree, OCD can make us a slave of compulsive habits and living with anxiety is scary. Particularly when it hits without warning and finds us unguarded.

It has been a rough ride, hasn't it ? Of course, it would take a hefty toll on your inner resources. To look at it on a brighter side, resigning without a safety net has made you aware of the "god complex" issue...a first step towards learning to manage it. Crises often herald a turning point as they cause a lot of soul searching and the need for action.

Reaching out for help doesn't come easy. Acknowledging personal issues takes courage so kudos to you...your feet are firmly on the path towards healing.

Medication can be a delicate issue. We're all different so have different reactions. It can take time and several attempts before finding the type and dosage that suits us best. Some of us choose to go med free. Many find that medication is the only thing which helps them live a functional life.

I'm 100% with you, daily practice of various coping strategies and techniques does help. Relaxed Breathing, Relaxed Body Scan, Mindfulness, Meditation etc... Many can be done repeatedly throughout the day without anyone noticing. I used to give myself cues like waiting at traffic lights or in queues, having a bath, doing the washing up, walking the dogs etc...Persistence is the key. After some time, it becomes effortless and the runaway mind slips into relaxed mode a lot more easily. There is no on/off switch for anxiety but change to a more relaxed perspective is an effective antidote. Patience with ourselves is required as entrenched brain patterns don't vanish overnight. Establishing new ones needs dedication.

Great to have you on board. Your contribution will be much appreciated.

Kindest thoughts.