Increase in Meds

Guest_10060

Hi all, name is Steve

It all started in December 2011, major break down from working 2 jobs, 7 days a week and life its self. Spent 4 weeks in a mental health ward. Diagnosis was Major depression and OCD Intrusive thoughts. Relationship break up and separation from my partner, being together since 2001 and a 3yr old son went with his mother. Was put on an antidepressant medication in the ward. Back in the family home alone. Spent several months on the couch, out of my mind. Seeing no one, ignoring all contact of calls and knocks at the door. The only person I didn't hear from was my ex partner. Bills and rent getting direct debited from my income protection. Became my self again over a 4 month period after being taken off that medication and onto another antidepressant. I quit drinking alcohol, still a smoking tobacco (not weed, quit that 10yrs prior). Had some relapses along the way. Got back with the ex a yr later. Didn't work for a few yrs, had a payout to support the family. We soon spent a few hundred G over a few 3yrs. We had 2 more kids. Moved houses a few times and settled in a good rental. life was great, left me old job to a new job with a mate. Increased my income 5 times of what I was getting in the old job. But it meant 14hr+ days, on call. Rain, hail or shine. Work hrs were capped at 12, but time sheets for altered to fit the hours over the month. 2018, my ex left me for another guy, because I was always working. 2018 to 2020 was a battle. police, courts, DHS. Spending at least once a week in a jail cell for a few hrs after video interviews of allegations from the ex. My boy is almost 17 and lives with me. Haven't seen my other 2 boys in 4yrs. 2022 I had a work injury, work denied it happened at work. 2yrs fighting with work through lawyers. Work was made redundant just as I finished my claim with a win. Forced to sign a resignation, So I had a choice of comp payout or redundancies pay. I sighed the comp claim. Now no job, little money till payout comes in. After a yr of no weed, I smoked 3am last week and went to bed. But my mind went crazy. panic and extreme anxiety set in. Spent days on edge, before going to the Dr. He increased my medication dosage. Its been a rough week mentally. I'm just hoping its just from the increase side effects.

Sophie_M

Hi there,

Thank you for you post and welcome to the Forums. We’re glad that you have found us here as it sounds like you have been going through a lot for quite some time now. These are really major life events and circumstances and can all take a cumulative toll on our mental health.

It sounds like you’re linked in with a GP who is monitoring your medication, and it may be good to mention these symptoms to them in your next appointment. Increasing medication can come with a lot of different side effects and it is worthwhile if it is going to put your mind at ease and have some support along the way.

How are you travelling today? Has there been any change in how you’re feeling? The community is here for you – you are not alone in this. If you’d ever like to talk things through with one of the Beyond Blue counsellors, please don’t hesitate to reach out to our helpline on 1300 22 4636.

Take good care of yourself as you navigate through this.

Kind regards
Sophie M

indigo22

Hi Steve,

I am sorry to hear of the difficulties you have been dealing with over a long period, I feel for you.

Our stories are different, but I am very familiar with the spiraling that happens with depression and it is always a struggle to find your way back to something that resembles normal (whatever normal looks like for you).

The major life events take the biggest toll on our ability to cope and since you have been through a number of them, it comes as no surprise that you would be struggling at present.

What is important for you right now, is to find whatever support you need to get you through. I agree with Sophie and highly recommend having an open talk with your doctor about whatever side effects you are experiencing since having your meds increased as it may be that the med you are on is not quite right for you at present (even if it has been in the past). I also had my meds increased during a very difficult time and am on the highest dose, but I am fortunate that there where very few negative side effects from the increase.

If you are not already getting some support from a counsellor, I highly recommend this also. It can be difficult to find the right person that you feel comfortable with, but it is worth the effort to keep trying until you do. In the meantime, make use of the helplines, it is why they are there and can be very effective in helping when you are at a low ebb.

There are also many books that could be helpful to you. I have found myself, that reading the right books can give a lot of incite into the psyche and its reactions to life events. Please let me know if you would like any recommendations.

Please take good care of yourself and your son, feel free to continue this conversation if you are comfortable doing so.

With care,

indigo

Guest_10060

Since my post I havnt been doing very good. I just spent 3 days in bed and I’m still in bed now. My head hurts, my body aches. Just had my first cig in 24hrs. Only time I feel good is when sleeping. My son has had a bad run from 10yrs old. As much as I tried to protect him from it all. With the yrs of dhs and courts. He was dragged through it all aswell. Then COVID, that sent him in to being anti social. Apart from being his parent. I’m also his full time caregiver. A lot of my stress comes from making sure he is safe and loved. The 3 days I spent in bed wasn’t completely in bed. I got up to make him lunch or dinner. Not sure if I mentioned I also live with my parents now for the last few years. They are in there 70’s. My sister moved in a few months back, with her 2 older boys. Yes our kids are the same with having anti social behaviour. It’s been 3 weeks since my relapse and 12 days on anti depressants increase. I’m also type 2 diabetes. Taking 3 pills for diabetes and high blood pressure. At the same time I seen the dr, he also changed my diabetes medication and up that dose as well. I’m not concerned about taking meds. Sorry if my post is all over the place. I’m kinda typing what’s coming in my head. Havnt eaten in 2 days. I have been drinking so much water though. I need to go shopping, but going is the issue. I got my shopping delivered last week. I got $170 in the bank. That’s all I have to support us. Centrelink gave $200 for my son and said that’s all I’m allowed to claim. Due to him being over the age allowed. I can’t even get a concession card or payment. And now they say my comp claim most likely won’t be paid until after the new year. I’m just feeling so lost atm. I can’t see my dr or any other health professional. I ain’t got the funds right now. My dr clinic charges and only bulk bill’s concession and under 16. Oh so many stresses. Bills are coming in. The deal was, I don’t pay board, I pay the bills. Plus my own debts. Oh and it’s that time of year, Xmas. I want it to be day light but when it’s daylight I want it to be night time. I want to be around people and talk, but then I want to be alone and isolated from everyone. Can’t stop thinking I caused this again by smoking weed again. Self inflicted on my mental state. I try to keep it from my son, I tell him I’m just feeling in well from being diabetic. I feel some sort of relief typing this. I feel sort of safe knowing my family is in the house, but don’t wanna hear there happy voices. I still have 2 weeks of the 75mg in a draw. I do think about stopping the 150mg and taking the 75mg. Yes I need to see my gp, but who’s paying. The whole house hold was 70% running on my income protection income, which stopped start of November. I finish up this post and continue to lay in bed u till my son needs me for food or anything else. Because time hasn’t been working for me. I’m getting to and end point of these mental and physical pain. Thank you for your support and encouragement beyond blue staff and posters. Be safe and get well all. Oh one last think, why do I keep having so many weird dreams. Some so real, a lot also about my ex. She keeps cheating on me or gets me arrested for doing nothing wrong. I hate those dreams. I wake up thinking the police are coming for me.

indigo22

Hi Steve,

You are really having a difficult time and I would like to suggest that you try to find a clinic that both bulk bills and does telehealth consultations. Just because you can't afford to go to your own doctor, doesn't mean you can't access some help from elsewhere. There could be a number of things causing you to feel so uncomfortable, so please consider my suggestion.

Given that your son is 17, why not confide in him honestly about what you are going through, allow him to help in whatever way he can. I am sure he would prefer to know what is really going on. It sounds like you are doing everything you can for him so allow him to do something for you in your time of need.

As far as your finances are concerned, I would suggest calling a financial counsellor to see if they have any suggestions that will help you get through the next few weeks. There may be funds available to you that you are not currently aware of.

As far as the shopping is concerned, could you ask your sister to help you out for the time being?

You must try to eat at least small amounts, you won't be able to take care of your son if you run yourself into the ground.

I think when we are going through turbulent times, our dreams can be our brains way of sorting through the thoughts and feelings we are are going through. Most times they have very little to do with life in our waking hours even when they seem to be very real in our dream state, I am sure they will settle down once you start feeling better.

You are going through a very difficult time and I know it can be difficult to think clearly when you are in the thick of it so please consider the suggestions I have offered and let me know how you go.

Take care,

indigo

Guest_10060

Thanks for the advice Indigo. I ended up getting out of bed around 1pm today, Not longer After my post. Spent a few hours chatting to me sister, about anything really. I did some laundry and hung that out to dry, seeing it was 34 degrees. Wasn't up to going shopping, so I got it delivered, only because I was feeling dizzy. Not sure why, it could be the new diabetic meds that have raised my heart rate for the last 2 weeks. I can feel my heart beating so fast while sitting or laying down for hours. I have a BP monitor that I use to keep an eye on my blood pressure. Most of the time I cant get my heart rate down past 120bpm. So I've just finished cooking dinner, late one due the the heat. My head is doing a lot better atm, apart from the constant sweating and that's not the heat, the aircon in my room is chilled. Seeing its the weekend, I wont have any luck with contacting any healthcare organisation's. Must say tho, I am a little tense about going to bed. Just don't wanna lay there not sleeping. But I'm gonna try in the next hour or so.