Its hard to know where to begin as there is so much going on that there isn't enough place to put it all down, so here is a really high level summary just to get it out there.
I have no family, both of my adoptive parents have now passed away and my "family" disappeared when my mother passed, which I can only assume is because they never really considered me family. I have no brothers or sisters and have no children. I have been married to my wife for 10 years now, she has 4 children to a previous marriage she never sees because her ex alienated them from her, her family have always been abusive towards her and mistreat her but she keeps going back for more. So we really only have each other. She has a history of BPD, depression and trauma and it hasn't been easy dealing with all of this but ultimately I have always been there for her.
Something happened a few years ago when she was in a clinic, she just didn't come home & didn't tell me. Then she went through abuse where she was staying so she isn't doing well. Its now been 2 years and we have limited contact with each other, messages here and there and she eventually agreed to go to counselling with me but wont go more than 1 hour a month. She wont tell me anything, wont talk to me, wont even give me the rough outline. She keeps going out of her way to do things for strangers and has been slowly pushing me more and more away. Its like I just dont matter to her any more. What is confusing is that she keeps "saying" she wants us to work it out, but her "actions" never match what she says.
At what point does trying to be understanding turn into being the idiot who isn't getting the hint? I am trying so hard not to give up, but i dont know if she is being honest with me any more. All it would take to make things different is for her to genuinely talk to me, to explain where she is at and what is going on in her head... but she just keeps giving me nothing & expecting me to be there no matter how much her actions say I really dont matter to her any more.
