Immigratin, Isolation, new Mum, loneliness

[Baran]

Hi,

I moves to Australia 8 years ago and am new Mum now, I always feel alone even when I’m with my partner. I’m trying to find friends and I criticise myself and others. My husband is doing that too. He doesn’t like socialisin and he always have stress from work. I really love to chat with someone and talk about my feelings.

happy to find this forum.

[Baran]

Hi Croix,

I’m glad to find this forum. Thanks a lot for your kind response. Yes, definitely I don’t deserve this behaviour and I can’t do anything for my husband’s past life. It isn’t my fault to be punished for.

[Tay100]

Hi Baran,

That's great news- let us know how finding the playgroups go! It's also fantastic to hear that through the analogy, your husband appreciates what you are going through more. Keep open communication up!

Tay100

[Emmen]

Hi Baran,

I'm so glad you've found that playgroup and mum's group. Croix is right, being a mum changes a lot of things. While your partner isn't into socializing, being a mum actually gives you a good excuse to know more people because of your child.

It sounds like your husband has a lot of issues to work through on his own, and he's unaware how he comes across to others. That's no excuse for his behaviour. Like others have pointed out, there's no excuse to put down your loved ones. Keep talking plainly and clearly to him so that he begins to see for himself how his behavior is not acceptable. You've made a good start already, but you can take it further. For instance, I find it odd that your husband doesn't like you socializing with people of the same nationality as you. It sounds to me like he is judging them harshly without knowing them at all, which is clearly ridiculous since he is married to someone of your nationality - you! Also, him not wanting to socialize does not mean he should stop you from socializing. Just like how he expects you to give him the solitary comforts he likes, you have every right to expect that he gives you the social comforts that you like as well. Lastly, if he feels you are not keeping the house as organised as he likes, he can do it himself. After all, he lives in the same house, doesn't he? It's not your job to do things to his liking. Perhaps you can find a way to get him to realise how inconsistent and selfish he is being by speaking your mind?

- M

[Croix]

Dear Baran~

Wiht a new baby a lot of thing in life have to shift, among them the household duties and responsibilities, plus sleep patterns..

For example I became office-in-charge of nappies (we had cloth ones in those days and lived in a rainy and cold climate during the winter.

I was the only one who could figure out how to work our ancient twin tub washing machine and thus became in charge of the lot - buying, cleaning, sterilizing, washing and drying (plus folding and putting away.)

This not something I'd ever dreamed of, but it was a fair thing, same with some cooking. So your husband, far from picking holes in what you do, will have to take over equivalent tasks himself.

Not to do so and continue with a negative attitude will say a lot about him.

Please let me know how you feel about this

Croix