Hi SilentIllness98
You sound like such a beautiful deeply feeling deeply caring person. While people like yourself are a blessing in this world, I always find it a shame that others don't treat such people with more consideration, more respect and more guidance and support. For naturally sensitive people who are naturally open to so much and are therefor able to sense so much, how to best serve them in regard to the dis-ease that can come with such an ability should be a top priority.
'What or who is inflaming things?' can sometimes be a question worth asking. You've obviously questioned along these lines and the answers make sense: taking time off work and feeling pressure from others based on that, deep and heartfelt concern and love for your nan (my heart goes out to you so much), financial stress, all that comes with the car accident, the incredible stresses that can come with being a carer for someone with significant mental health challenges, having to wait for medical guidance and the list goes on. As I'm writing this, I'm starting to feel a little trouble breathing, which leads me to wonder whether this is all beginning to feel a little suffocating for you. Understandably so. Why it is that certain breathing exercises can help reduce inflammation is an interesting area of research. While such exercises aren't going to perform miracles, sometimes it's just interesting to gain a better understanding of how we work on a mental/physical level (how the mind and body interact with each other).
Sometimes it's the least obvious guide who turns out to be one of the best guides at certain times in life. Is it possible your son could lead you to states of relaxation, even if those states don't last long? They could at least offer you moments of relief. Learning to 100% focus on colouring in with him, for example, may initially present as a challenge yet one you might gradually be able to master. While colouring in sounds like an easy task, it's far from easy when your mind is constantly redirecting you to focus on every stresser under the sun. Using sound to help relax the mind and body, while helping lower cortisol levels, is another interesting area of research (ASMR). I used to close my eyes and listen to my kids colouring in when they were little. The sound of pencils on paper used to deeply relax me. While people may suggest meditation to help with inflammation, it has to be exactly the right kind of mediation. Having your son brush your hair could be another one to consider (100% focusing on the sense of touch). If you're a deeply sensitive person, there'll probably be a specific sense that works best for you to 100% focus/meditate on. Whether it involves a sense of touch, sight, smell, sound or taste, it could be a time of experimentation.
At a time that feels like you're losing so much (a sense of stability, peace, joy etc), what is it that you're being pushed or challenged to gain? How to manage the ability to feel, could be an area of research where knowledge and great personal insight is gained. Btw, I'm a gal who over the years has learned to not simply wait. Simply waiting (for answers from a specialist, for example) can become frustrating and even depressing. Filling the waiting time with some form of research means we're no longer simply waiting for answers, we're instead spending free time traveling down enlightening rabbit holes.
