I NEED AN ADVICE :(

[anonymous00]

Hi, I am 27 y/o and I feel really lost. My marriage broke down last year, my family and I doesn't get along together at this stage, I am currently studying in uni, I am working 4 days a week. I feel like my life is a failure.

There are times that I am feeling happy because I want to think that I can get through this, I wan to be strong , I want to do everything by myself and I want to show to people that I can. But then, at some point, I feel weak and down.

I need some encouragement to keep me going. 😞

[backtobliss]

Hi there,

I just want you to know, that I am going through something very similar to you and am in the initial stages of reaching out for some help - so although I can't offer you any tried and tested remedies I can offer comradery and a degree of understanding.

I have actually booked an appointment with my GP for Monday to discuss some treatment options, I definitely think that for me all the sadness and suffering has changed the chemical balance in my body and I need some help to lift me up a little - the last three days have been very tough. I have reached out more to people around me and found a soft place to fall with all of them, so I encourage you to talk to anyone, I have called Lifeline before and found that any ear can relieve some pain.

I'm also trying to get through Uni right now and am famous for heaping all sorts of pressure and expectations on myself, this semester my goal is to pass - my mental health is way more important than my courses right now, but in saying that I have also reached out to my lecturers via email this weekend to ask for as much assistance as possible, and I feel a little lighter for doing that. Are you on campus or online, many unis offer counselling sessions free for students, maybe an idea? Opening up has been my best tactic yet.

My marriage also broke down last year and those feelings of failure and embarrassment have plagued me too, but you spoke of that ray of light that you will get through and there will be good times ahead - thats where the truth is. This is a difficult time but we will get through and there is bliss in out futures, we just have to keep walking through, step by step and with some help (this bits as much for me as it is for you 🙂 )

Try and free up some of your study load if at all possible, Ive just dropped a course - looks like I wont be graduating this year but at least Ill have my marbles.

I'm going to go for a walk in the sunshine soon - I'm hoping that will refresh my mind for some study this afternoon.

All the best - I'm thinking of you

[Starwolf]

Hi Anonymous00,

A warm welcome to you. There is a lot of stress in your life right now. Ending a marriage is a huge, painful transition. Studies add a lot of pressure. You are also coping with part time work. Doing it without family support doesn't make it any easier. It is not surprising that this combination is taking its toll.

In ideal situations, most of us prefer to go through Life unaided but when we hit a rough patch, there is nothing wrong with reaching out and seeking assistance. Well done for joining these forums.

Your post says very little so it is difficult to know how best we can help. If you suspect you might be depressed, I suggest you scroll down to the bottom of this page and have a look at the Anxiety and Depression checklist in the "Facts" section. It may give you a better idea of what you are up against.

If it all becomes too overwhelming, no need to struggle alone when assistance is available. A talk with a GP may be a good start towards getting the situation under control.

These forums are a safe place to vent your feelings...which is therapeutic in itself. Sometimes all we need is to let a bit of steam out. So please feel free to post as much and as often as you like. There are lots of caring, understanding people in the network who will always be willing to listen.

I hope this weekend is kind to you.

[kbkman]

Sounds like your problems have compounded and become something bigger to you than they would otherwise be.

I mean to say, because a bunch of things are stressing you at once you feel overwhelmed, this is something that happens to me too.

If it helps, anyone studying at any age at uni is no failure. Not everyone gets the chance. Not everyone is thoughtful enough, or persistent. I'm in my 20s too and just starting a degree. I had studied other things previously but this was new and stressful. I was worried I'd be surrounded by people much younger than me and I had this feeling as though I was left behind and, to use your word, a failure. Not so, you'd be surprised how many folk there are in first year with a decade or two on me! I was also concerned because many people my age are finishing degrees. It just clicked one day that I run my own race. You cannot fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others as it contributes to the problem of unnecessarily high expectation. Uni's a chance to escape from work and other things, and enjoy the purest pursuit, in my opinion - learning! I have found uni to be a very stimulating and nurturing environment and I hope it has been for you too.

You work 4 days a week. Next to uni this is impressive. There are a lot of people who couldn't handle it. I feel swamped with less than that. Maybe ask your work to reduce your hours if it's taking too much time from your study or contributing to fatigue?

I have nothing to offer about your relationship sorry. As far as family goes I know how that feels. You said it yourself, "at this stage". It will probably change. Just be honest with them about how they make you feel and that you need their support, I guess.

Overall, you're employed, and you're studying at uni, as far as I can tell you're a success already and something a lot of other people aspire to! Don't put pressure on yourself and try not to let the problems compound

And remember to have a laugh. When everything has gone to shit for me all at once in the past my sense of humour saved me. If you can have a laugh in times like this you'll be right for anything