Hello Queer1, a very big welcome to you. No, you're not alone, we're all here and we understand the fear you're feeling. You are in fine company!
Accepting that we have mental health issues is very hard. Accepting that we've always had them, or had them for a long time is even harder in my view. I was finally diagnosed as having bipolar disorder type 2 earlier this year after many years of being treated for clinical depression. And to be honest, I'm still struggling to accept it, though I know (knew before the diagnosis) that it's true. So, I too am pretty stuffed as you say, and need medication to function normally, which I hate.
But, on my better days I know that the drugs are a godsend, as I hope they will be for you if that's the path your doctor chooses for you. Talking therapy (psychologist) helps many people too, along with good self-care.
I try to think of it as like having a chronic physical illness - like diabetes or high blood pressure or heart disease. We need medication and different lifestyle habits to keep us well; so do people with those sorts of illnesses. Of course they manifest differently, but the fact that our conditions are of the brain or the mind makes us no less deserving, no lesser people.
Life can improve greatly for us when we have the right treatment, and I am sure it will for you too. Sometimes it can take a while to get the medication right, so try to be patient, there's a bit of a road ahead yet. But at least you are starting on it and there are positive times ahead.
Stick with us Queer, and please feel free to keep talking if you want to share more about what's been happening with you. Sometimes even just getting it out of our heads and into the open can help.
I hope the doctor's appointment goes well, let us know eh?
Very best to you
Kaz
