I'm Jo

[jojo01]

Hi, I am new to these forums. I have phoned beyondblue and life line at different times in my life, as well as attended face to face counselling.

I have suffered anxiety or depression through out my life starting in High School at least. I believe I have had 4 break downs, yet did not have this diagnosed. I was suicidal when pregnant with my youngest child, which was the 3rd time I took medication.

I started taking medication 4 months ago, actually threw out the prescript, so had 3 days off, started again yesterday. Its only a mild dose, but I knew I had to. I felt like I was having a heart attack and it was all just anxiety.

Right now I'm struggling financially, my car has broken down, my phone is broken, I have two children at home, one with adhd odd and anxiety. My eldest is in the army. I have lived alone for 16 years and would dearly love a relationship, yet I think I keep sabotaging them. I don't like friends being to close. I've struggled to hold down a job, yet I do always have work, just really like most jobs. I smoke heavily, I've cut back drinking, but I still drink.

A lot of people post things on facebook about anxiety, and suicide awareness. But I really don't think any one I know cares. The world seems very full of fake, selfish people.

I guess that's enough for now.

Jo

[Starwolf]

Hi Jojo, good to have you on board.

It sounds like there is a lot on your plate right now. You are dealing with a complex, demanding situation, both on the home front and within yourself. Struggling without family/social support doesn't make it any easier. I am not surprised to read it has taken its toll...

Big problems need to be broken into small pieces to be dealt with one at a time.

Your well being is the priority. There is no way you can continue to cope adequately with life if you feel mentally and emotionally distressed. Are you undergoing counseling at the moment ? If not, perhaps it is time to start searching for a therapist you can connect and work with long term. Recovery can be a long journey, the process is seldom straight-forward. Having support throughout is important.

Not many of us like taking prescribed medication. But there are times when it allows us to keep functioning adequately in daily life. Self medication with alcohol or other substances is a dangerous path. It invariably ends up creating more stress and difficulty in the long run. For you and also your loved ones.

Healing involves all areas of life. Brave but tough choices must be made. Congratulations for being on the right track. Your courageous decision to reach out via these forums shows that you acknowledge there is a problem and that this problem needs your attention. A wise first step...and not an easy one to take. Well done !

These forums are bursting with people who care and understand what it is you are up against. We're all standing in our own shoes but empathy bridges the gap.

We can't be there with you but will stand right by your side and cheer you on whenever needed. We're here for you.

[jojo01]

Awww thank you. I can't really do counselling at this time. I've allowed my need to help my son dictate employment, swapped and changed jobs to help him. I'm in so much debt now I cant take time off to attend face to face counselling for myself, or for him. He's 13 its not appreciated anyway. I'm hoping this can help a bit. I am looking for ways to fit counselling into my schedule as I need it. I have been before, and found some times helpful, yet everytime I attended I didn't always take some thing from it. So another avenue, could be more satisfactory and less intrusive on my life. online is around my schedule.

[topsy_]

Hi Jojo

I know from first hand experience what it's like to be a single mum & also in debt.

With regard to the debt, Lifeline have free financial counsellors. I went to one early this year & she was able to approach my creditors & have my payments reduced & stop interest being charged. It's made the world of difference even if it'll take till 2023 to pay off what I owe!!

I'm in NSW so I don't know if you will have something similar where you are. I just thought it might help a little.

Take care, Lyn.

[Ellu]

Dear jojo01,

You won't find any fake selfish people posting here. We all have various degrees of problems, and we try to support each other with advice or just by being here for you to talk to. You certainly have some serious issues in your life now. I think someone else mentioned getting financial advice through Lifeline. I would do that straight away, to take one pressure off.

Personally I think the first thing to do is to resolve your mental health issues - then other matters such as socialization and expanding your world will follow. Who is looking after your mental health? If it is a GP, are you happy with the progress you are making with him/her? If not, ask to be referred to a psychiatrist,who is a specialist in mental health matters and has the expertise to work out a suitable programme of medication. Don't forget that most psychiatric medication takes several weeks to start working, so don't give up too early. Truly, a proper diagnosis and the right medicine can make an enormous difference - I speak from my own personal experience here.

You must struggle as a single parent with two children, one with disabilities. What a wonderful mother you are to have got this far! Once you have your mental health under control it will be time for you to start thinking about yourself. I know several women (in their 50s and 60s) who have had very positive experiences with on-line dating and programmes such as "Table for Six". No, they have not found "the one", but they have enjoyed the company of interesting men and some fun nights out. Yvonne Allen & Associates is one organisation which comes to mind, but there are many others. Just be careful disclosing too many personal details until you know who you are dealing with.

Do be careful with drinking, especially if you are taking medication. In the bad old days (20 years ago) when I was depressed I would sit on the sofa with a bottle of alcohol in one hand and a bottle of prescription medication in the other. It killed the symptoms for a while, but I always felt even worse in the morning. As for the smoking, obviously giving that up is ideal, but it is a difficult, stressful process. If I were you I wouldn't worry about it for a while. Get your mental health organized and your life starting to get back to normal and then, when you are stronger, get on to the smoking. I used to smoke 60 a day, but eventually managed to stop completely. But get your mental health under control first - find a doctor you get on with (GP or psychiatrist) and give medication a fair trial.

I have had a long journey with mental illness (I am 63 now) but things do get better once you can get the mental illness under control. Don't worry about medication- I have been taking medication for 20 years, and I bless the people who invented it because it gave me back my life. jojo01 hang in there, you have a future in front of you and you have the means to make good things happen. Please post here again!

Ellu

[jojo01]

Thank you both for the life line tip. I didn't know. I've struggled with debts for years!

I am on medication, just a small dose, which ran out for 3 days, and as we realise with anti depressions it gets worse first....

I've utilised online dating for around 16 years now. I'm really sick of dating! I could have found the one??? unsure, and as I start having feelings I have to deal with the emotions from the past. I believe this has increased my anxiety dramatically. I'm trying to keep going this time though, he seems worth it most days.

Thanks